When Your Kid’s is the Puny Gift to the Teacher
When we vowed last year to cut out all non-immediate family gift buying, I forgot we’d have to add two members to the gift buying “family” this year: my daughter’s new nursery school teacher and her assistant. So much for cutting back.
But as Stefenie Ilgenfritz pointed out in The Juggle yesterday, not every parent agrees on what’s considered “appropriate” to spend on the teacher. In this economy, not everyone can AFFORD to spend on the teacher.
Like any blog, this one got some comments that were just way off the wall. Like the mom who says money’s tight, but she can’t “bear” to contribute less than $100 to the group gift for the preschool teachers. She’s going to give another $100 to the two women who run the home daycare where her other kid spends the day. Therein lies the problem. The percentage of parents who would consider spending $100 on a group gift for the preschool when times are tight are few and far between.
Good for her that she has that kind of cash lying around (I’m not doubting she worked hard for it – or someone in her family did) and that she’s generous enough to share it. But she makes the rest of us look like crap. A bag of cookies lovingly decorated by your toddler? Makes you look chintzy when the other parent strolls in with a wallet from Coach in their glittery bag.
And if we’re truly talking about a group gift, I thought the point was to pool your resources so a little can go a long way. My little is $5, $10; not of a heck of a lot less than I’d spend if I was going it alone. To be honest, I wouldn’t spend $100 on a group gift for the teacher even if the economy was booming like it was 1999. I value my daughter’s teachers – don’t get me wrong. But I pay for nursery school. When she goes on to kindergarten, I’ll be paying for that too – via my taxes. I think a small token of my daughter’s appreciation is enough.
Because, honestly, isn’t that what the teachers are there for? The kids? People talk about teachers getting low pay – and in some areas that’s very true (I consider myself VERY blessed with what we pay for my daughter’s nursery school, don’t get me wrong) – but I don’t think that’s something that can be fixed with an over-the-top Christmas gift. They took the job because they love kids, crappy pay or not. If the gift really comes from the kid, it’s the kind of thing they’ll hold on to, even if it’s worth less than the paper it’s drawn on.
Image:ThisNext.com
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p.s. When I was a grad student adjuncting, my college students used to take me to breakfast after class and put it on the meal plan cards their parents paid for. That was awesome, as I was starving and they never used all their meal plan credits anyway!
We never gave teacher gifts when I was growing up. Every kid didn’t. When I taught preschool very few families gave me gifts and when they did, it was nice, but it always felt unnecessary to me. It’s really nice to know your work is appreciated, but a card or even a personal conversation can express that. And I agree that all the little goo-gaws aren’t that great anyhow. Food IS great in my opinion, because you enjoy it and it’s gone and doesn’t take up room on your desk/in your closet/in the goodwill box.
And yeah–a big gift card from contributions from the whole class to a place like Staples would be really thoughtful too. But not with the expectation that each family contributes $100. I’d hate for people to feel obligated that way.
When I was a teacher, the best gift I got was a small scrapbook a parent made after going on a field trip with the class. I’ve received gift certificates for $100 before and it made me feel very weird about it that I tried to return it or use it all on classroom related materials. I think you should give the person who cares for your children something at least even if it’s a card. I don’t like the argument that they do not deserve anything because it’s their job and the joy of teaching is more than enough. Sure, let’s get rid of Mother’s Day too!
My daughter is in daycare – last year we gave them candy. I was planning to do cookies this year, since I make big batches for friends, family, and co-workers. Now I’m wondering if that’s a lame gift. I’d love to give a gift card to each teacher, but this is a thrifty Christmas for us and there isn’t really room in the budget for that. I sometimes work as an adjunt at the community college and have been totally thrilled when students have given me food gifts. Perhaps I’m just food-obsessed, though
Unless the teacher is going to stand up and announce to the whole class that Student A is fabulous because he spent $100 and Student B is horrible and only spent $5, what does it matter to anyone what someone else decides to give or do? I agree with the people who said there is no need to give the teachers a present to begin with, but if I was inclined to I wouldn’t give a crap what anyone else spent. The kids aren’t going to notice anyway. It is the parents who are making an issue out of it.
If I was a teacher, I’d prefer one collective gift to a lot of useless gifts.
“Knitty, do you really think that teachers base their grades at all on holiday gifts?!”
Of course not. Did you go on to read the part where I say, “of course the children got the grades they deserved” and talked about PERCEPTION?
I agree with Knitty. Giving your/your child’s teacher gifts during the school year is inappropriate. It doesn’t matter that the teacher grades fairly – it still gives the appearance of bribery. That’s why my family always gave our teachers gifts on the last day of school, after all the marking was over.
Knitty, do you really think that teachers base their grades at all on holiday gifts?! C’mon now! If I got into this profession for the gifts, it would be a pretty meager existence.
Any gift from a child is sweet, especially if they put some thought into it or made it themself. I don’t care how much (if any) money was spent. $100 to chip in for a group gift is outrageous!
Our school district placed a $75 limit on any gifts given to teachers. We also sent out a letter suggesting that a donation be made in the teacher’s name to a charity, rather than buying a gift.
My son took his gift today- a small collection of teas and coffees and a tasteful mug. It cost $14. That seemed about right to me.
We are giving our teacher a class enrichment activity this year. As a group, it doesn’t cost much. And she won’t have another thing to pack away. We gave her a list of activities or places for a field trip, and she got to choose. Otherwise, I try to give gift cards, they can be re-gifted, they can be used when times are tight, and honestly they take up little room. I always write a letter thanking them for the wonderful work they do.
I never gave my teachers gifts while growing up. I don’t even think it’s appropriate — it seems too close to bribery. If I were teaching, I wouldn’t want to explain why little Johnny (who gave me an expensive gift) got an A while little Suzie (who gave me a bruised apple) got a C. Of course the children got the grades they deserved, but why would you put yourself in a position for this kind of scrutiny?
Give teacher a nice card and call it good.
While $100 is excessive, no teacher I know wants another apple, candle, random thing made by a child, or plate of baked goods. A gift card, even a small one, is apprecated.
There was an interesting discusion on askmoxie.com yesterday about this.
Every teach I know (which is a few of them in the family) would just prefer either A. nothing, they don’t need everything parents give to them. you can only have so many apple like creations. or B. supplies for the classroom. Many times they are suppling out of their own pocket many of the little extras.