Strollerderby

Sperm Donor's Teen Daughter Finds Him on Myspace

Posted by JeanneSager

Something tells me the creators of Myspace didn't have this kind of social networking in mind when they set up the site. A California teenager plugged in all the information she had about the man whose sperm her mom used to conceive.

The computer spit back seven possibles - including one photo that looked an awful like her. So Virginia gave Dr. Todd Whitehurst a call. 

"I just want to know basic information that most people have access too," the girl said. As a physician, her "dad" could appreciate the importance of a medical history. He was even open to meeting her . . . and eventually nine other children born using his sperm banked at the San Francisco Bay area clinic. 

Virginia found her nine half-siblings on the Donor Sperm Registry Website, which she shared with Whitehurst. He then went on and posted information about the two kids he has from more traditional methods. He's since met several of his "kids," including a Gavin from Pennsylvania and Tyler from New York. Like Virginia's mom, the boy's mothers were involved in the process - they were there when their kids met Whitehurst. 

It's nice to see a sperm donor who cares about the kids. I've often wondered if the ease of "donation" makes it easier for men to forget about what can come out of the process. Egg donation is much more rare - and a more arduous process - but I can't honestly say that women care more for their progeny than men. We treat them differently, definitely, but I wouldn't say we "love them more." 

So why aren't there more donors like Whitehurst out there?

Image: KSV

Related Posts:

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Juno Goes to Washington? Congress' First Unwed Mom


+ DIGG + STUMBLE

Comments

 

Melissa Schluer said:

That is so cool! I'm happy that these kids are looking to find their donors and actually finding them! They will get a ton of medical information that will help them in the future.  

December 4, 2008 10:02 AM
 

BBBGMOM said:

That's such a heartwarming photo - cute!  One question I have (I've wondered this before and gotten totally slammed for it & told that I am being dramatic and insensitive) is what is the risk of genetic half-siblings falling in love/reproducing because they don't know the male half of their DNA?  Or is that community so small that the risk is very remote simply because there are so few people who are the product of an anonymous sperm & a known egg?

December 4, 2008 11:15 AM
 

leahsmom said:

BBGmom, I have to say, as an adoptee, I have the same questions - up until I met and married my husband, I always identified myself as an adoptee and gave the guy what I knew of the circumstances, because I figured even if mom had kept a deep, dark secret, she'd likely tell her son if she thought there was a risk! I think the risk is kind of up to the kids to handle, in that way - if you are a sperm donor or an egg donor baby, let your SOs know, if you're concerned about the risk!

December 4, 2008 11:37 AM
 

Sunny said:

I know the situation put forth by BBBGMOM is rare, but I have to confess a moment of (probably silly) paranoia in our search for alternative methods of conception. (DH has sperm abnormalities.) It probably played a bigger role than I'd like to admit in choosing a known donor over an anonymous one. I fully understand why women would seek an anonymous donor. For some, the less personal information they have on their donor, the less real that person is to them. Medical history is normally not an issue these days for women seeking donors, since you can receive an "extended" profile of your donor that includes a detailed medical history from most banks. Anonymous donors are just generally more available than known. See the sharp decline in British donors after the law was passed that prohibited the sale of anonymous sperm. In the US at least, it's a lot more common to see "does not wish to be contacted" than it is to see anything else.

Anonymous donors have their reasons, including the Family Rights Act that states that all children have a right to child support from their biological parents if contact is established within the first four years. Women seeking anonymous donors also don't have to worry about the man changing his mind down the road and seeking visitation or custody.

For my husband and I, it was ultimately the ability to actually talk with our donor and ask him any questions we needed that made up our minds. We also have a name, current town of residence, and a picture to show our child one day if they ever feel curious about their genetics.

Wow, that got way off track... I guess I just don't want anyone thinking that any side of this is inherently "wrong". Everyone has their reasons for pursuing different avenues of conception, and the probability of unwitting half-siblings falling in love is very, very low. However, that (as well as many other reasons, obviously) is part of why it is imperative that the truth about a child's origins should not be kept secret.

Sorry for the way off-topic ramble. :)

December 4, 2008 7:01 PM
 

Mark Lyndon said:

Heartwearming, but why is anonymous donation still allowed in the USA?  The donor-conceived, rather than the parents, clinics, or donors, are the people most directly affected by donor conception, and they are the ones who have to live with the consequences the longest.  Why should an infertile couple's desire to have a child override a donor-conceived person's desire to know the identity of their genetic father?

If a sperm donor wants to be anonymous, then he simply shouldn't be a sperm donor.  I was a sperm donor over 20 years ago, and if I have any genetic children looking for me, I've made it as easy as possible for them to find me.

I believe that the ending of donor anonymity in the UK was long overdue.  It was actually ended as a result of a case brought by two donor-conceived people to the European Court of Human Rights.  Other countries that have ended donor anonymity include the Netherlands, Sweden, Norway, Iceland, Finland, Switzerland, Austria and New Zealand.  

According to HFEA figures, the numbers of sperm donors have gone *up* in the two years since the ending of anonymity, thus reversing a three year decline.  The 307 donors in 2006 was 48 more than in 2005, and the highest figure since 2001.

www.hfea.gov.uk/.../1523.html

www.hfea.gov.uk/.../1459.html

Sunny, your husband may be interested in this group:

groups.yahoo.com/.../di_dads

December 5, 2008 12:37 PM
 

Stella said:

If ther is anonymity for donors, then incest is an accident that could happen. Please see the details on the link >

needing-fathers.blogspot.com

December 6, 2008 5:36 AM
 

Mark Lyndon said:

A cool story. I hope that other donors are like that. Why is anonymous donation still happening in the USA though? It was ended in UK as a result of a case brought by two donor-conceived people to the European Court of Human Rights. Other countries that have ended donor anonymity include the Netherlands, Sweden, Norway, Iceland, Finland, Switzerland, Austria and New Zealand.

According to the official figures, the numbers of UK sperm donors went *up* in the two years since the ending of anonymity btw, thus reversing a three year decline. The 307 donors in 2006 was 48 more than in 2005, and the highest figure since 2001.

The donor-conceived, rather than the parents, clinics, or donors, are the people most directly affected by donor conception, and they are the ones who have to live with the consequences the longest.

If a sperm donor wants to be anonymous, then he simply shouldn't be a sperm donor. I was a sperm donor over 20 years ago, and if I have any genetic children looking for me, I've made it as easy as possible for them to find me by registering at the Donor Sibling Registry.

December 8, 2008 9:40 AM

About JeanneSager

Jeanne Sager is a writer who lives in upstate New York with her husband, daughter, a dog and too many cats. She refuses to believe motherhood comes with pumpkin appliqued sweaters, and she';s not ready to apologize for having only one child. She writes about raising her kid in her own hometown and the mom stuff she's not embarrassed to own at her blog, Inside Out (http://jeannesager.blogspot.com), she's contributing editor of Grand Magazine, and she's a regular essayist here on Babble

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