Is a happy ending massage cheating?
I always thought yes, but some of the writers at MomLogic think not.
“Guest blogger Gina” (I can’t see any other authorial designation) says, “I don’t consider it cheating — and when he finally got his ‘massage,’ I was happy for him!”
A few years ago an unmarried friend told me that he had gotten a “full release” massage. (If you don’t know what this means, let’s just say that it’s a massage where the masseuse goes below the belt, applying her hands to the man’s “twig and berries.”) He was unattached at the time, and therefore wasn’t cheating on anyone. See, I thought, and he agreed, that if a guy in a relationship did this, it would be cheating.
In the interest of equal time, women can also get happy endings on the table. Leslie Adler from the Vuv Club (a blog) wrote that, “the Dreamy Diddle” is not cheating. Her reasoning? “You go to the gynecologist, right? And he or she doesn’t even kiss you first and look at what you let them do to you.”
Umm
I would be pretty upset if my husband did this, but I think it adds insult to injury if he paid for it. I mean, I work full-time too and we have a combined household income. I’m not busting my hump 50 hours/week so that he can buy a massage and hand job. I feel the same way about strippers. It’s fine at a bachelor party, but again, I’m not working so that you can give our money to some other woman.
If my husband did this I would consider it to be cheating. And while I might eventually decide to question him about why he did it, my first inclination would be to jack him the f*ck up. As my grandma would say, we’d have to have a “come to jesus.” This is prostituion. If you are unhappy in your marriage and would like more hand jobs, TALK TO YOUR WIFE ABOUT IT or maybe just do it yourself. There is a mature way to handle unhappiness and getting an illegal hand job is not one of them. If hand jobs are that crucial to your happiness, then maybe you should just be single.
Just in case anyone’s still watching this thread… I’m a professional massage therapist and we hate, hate, hate that our profession is used as a cover for prostitution.
TOTALLY cheating. No question.
And Amy, as someone whose husband is in training to be a police officer… thanks a LOT…
Men who go to Jack Shacks are sex addicts and emotionally immature. It has nothing to do with their loving wives. Most sex addicts have very active sex lives with their wives and also give them gobs of STDs. Read up on it. Very sad and very, very common.
Excuse me EngMama, are you saying that relationships don’t take work from both partners? Maybe instead of giving your partner an ultimatum you could talk to him/her about their needs and why they might think of this as a ‘happiness’ outlet. You shouldn’t be asking me, you should be asking your husband.
Unless it’s just easier to get mad at me.
Excuse me treespeed – are you actually accusing wives of being at fault if their partners cheat?? Really? Also according to you – if I think something is cheating and my hubby disagrees he’s allowed to go ahead…? Please clarify your comment so I know how to respond.
I would have to agree that unless you and your partner of whatever variety have sat down and talked this out and decided that it is allowed, it’s cheating.
I agree, I need a new doctor. I am very happy to not be getting a kiss from my doctor, but if there are people out there enjoying those exams, I’m getting the short end of the stick, uh, you know what I mean. I’m obviously not serious, if my doctor (any of them) had ever tried to do anything like that during an exam I’d at the least never go back and most likely be talking to my lawyer brother.
Can’t be legal to be paying for that, it comes down to prostitution. I’m sorry, the setting doesn’t change it. It’s the same as walking up to someone on the street and handing them a wad of cash for a handjob. Or am I crazy?
I would never be comfortable with or encourage DH to go for this. Glad to see I’m not the one off my rocker!
I love how all the women are so disgusted at this practice. Yet somebody is frequenting these massage parlors and they can’t all be single guys. I can just see some of these women’s husbands getting quizzed about their opinion’s on this topic tonight. I’m sure all of the husbands will be as equally disgusted. LOL
Not that anyone might want to ask the question of why these married men have to go to such lengths for a little “happiness”.
This post reminded me a bit of the analysis at the end here: http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200810/adultery-porn
It is definitely prostitution, but it’s up to the couple to decide whether it’s cheating or not. I would venture to guess that for most couples, it is. It certainly would be for me.
And no, I personally don’t get any jollies from a speculum or that mascara brush that scrapes stuff off my cervix. I may need to change doctors…
Definitely cheating. And extremely gross.
I came here to say what Jeanne already said. I would sue my gyno for sexual assault, among other things, if s/he tried to get me off during an exam.
There is a big difference between having a professional look at your private parts for medical purposes, and having a “professional” play with your private parts for recreational purposes. Anyone who doesn’t realize that has extremely questionable judgment, or really needs to examine their relationship with their doctor.
Methinks that someone read “The Road to Wellville” a few too many times.
Friends of mine are both cops, and are married, and he had to go undercover to a “massage parlor” to bust the prostitutes who were operating out of the “massage parlor.” Apparently he had to let the activities get to a certain point, a point that most wives would be extremely uncomfortable with if they knew their husbands were at that point, before he could make the bust. When my girlfriend asked why her husband got to be the cop who went that far and made the bust, the other (male) cops said, “We knew that of all the wives, you’d be most likely to understand.”
Kind of changes that whole, “So how was your day, honey,” conversation at the end of the day when your spouse is in that line of work…
Amy @ http://prettybabies.blogspot.com
It is definitely cheating, and it is definitely prostitution. I would be very disgusted if my husband did that. I would also not get the “dreamy diddle,” because I don’t want a stranger touching me like that. Also, “dreamy diddle” just sounds gross.
If my gyno gave me a happy ending, I think they’d call that medical malpractice . . . so, sorry to disappoint guys, but it’s definitely cheating.
Prostitution is the glue that binds a happy marriage, it appears.