UPDATE: I missed the most obvious one, so I added it below.
In response to Miriam's brilliant post about what to call girly parts, I offer this list of names for what little boys have. And no, I don't mean "greasy grimy gopher guts." That's what they're MADE of. This is what they HAVE. Very different.
10) Weenie: has one major benefit, which is that it can be upgraded to "wiener."
9) The Family Jewels: mentioned on 'The Simpsons', and many other places as well. Obviously this refers to the testicles, but when you are talking about getting hit in them, this name feels appropriate (also painful, if you have actually been hit down there. Trust me. I know. Ow.)
8) Peter: I assume this is because it sounds like "penis", and not because of some weird biblical thing. But I'm not very religious, so I could be wrong.
7) Yourname Junior: Brett Junior, that sort of thing. It's a little weird but always good for a laugh. Of course, if you are getting laughs with your pah-pay-pay, maybe that's a problem.
6) Johnson: oldie but goodie.
5) One-eyed snake: popularized in a Cheech and Chong song.
4) Pecker: self-explanatory I guess. Although it has the connotation of something that's not large, which can be psychologically damaging.
3) Willie: not sure why this works but it does. There's an Oi song called "Willie Whitelaw's Willie", but I don't think that's where the name came from.
2) Jimmy: I first heard this from De La Soul, who taught us in the 80's that you always need to wear your Jimmy Hat (condom).
1) Womb Raider: I'd never heard of this one until I googled "penis names." It's ridiculous but really needed to be mentioned.
UPDATE:
0) Pee pee. (Thanks to commenter Becky for this one.) Unfortunately, this is one of those terms that has a double meaning -- "pee pee comes out of your pee pee" is one of those sentences you have to be a parent to say.
OK, now for the big reveal. You know what we call it in our house? A penis. Since we started that from a young age, there was no worry about shameful feelings that somehow the privates were something not to be discussed. Of course, this can be problematic when the kids get older and shout out "PENIS!" on a crowded bus, but that's the opportunity to explain that some words are appropriate at home, in private, and since these are your private parts (get it?) "penis" is one of those words. Luckily this strategy has worked for us, since I'm not sure I could bring myself to tell my son to call his pecker Johnson. Or… whatever, you know what I mean. This isn’t to say that you should follow the same path, and I have no idea how things are for girl children, since I don't have any. And I think some of the names Miriam mentions are quite nice. I just don't know if there are male equivalents that are equally pleasant. We are, after all, fairly base and simple creatures. Ugga mugga.
I'm sure there are some names that I've missed – anyone want to weigh in?
image: Wikipedia
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