10) Cha-cha/hoo-ha/etc. In other words "Something whose name we dare not speak, so we replace it with nonsense syllables." Not promising in terms of open information sharing. With the right attitude, I suppose it can be pulled off, but for me these have all been tainted irrevocably by the "Hoo-haa Monolgues" episode.
9) Mariposa. A near miss. A beautiful sounding word, meaning butterfly in Spanish, but also a colloquially appropriate term. Unfortunately, to many, it's kind of like the Spanish equivalent of "pussy."
8) Vajayjay. Made famous by Grey's Anatomy (made up by Grey's Anatomy?), and adopted by Oprah. Fun and jaunty, but also screams, "There's this other word I'm avoiding saying!"
7) Vagina. Considered the medically accurate term, but it technically only describes the internal part, which is generally irrelevant to young kids and not what they were asking about. Thanks to Eve Ensler, considered the de rigeur empowerment term for those not comfortable reclaiming the c word.
6) Vag/Gina/Giny. More like nicknames than actual names (and the bane of women named Regina everywhere), these have the benefit of implying casual familiarity, not something to get all work up over. But it also seems silly to teach them to a kid without teaching her what they're short for.
5) Vulva. Word of choice for those who think "vagina" sounds ugly (not like "penis" is particularly mellifulous, but whatever). Describes the external part, so at least it's what she might see in the mirror, even if it's not the whole shebang.
4) Private parts. Definitely carries the "and we don't like to talk about them in any more detail" aura. Still, it is what teachers and law enforcement officials are likely to use, making it useful. We're going to have to figure out how to teach about the different between privacy and shame sometime. Plus it's the only gender neutral option out there.
3) Girl parts/girl bits. Some how has a less stuffy, more fun feeling than "private parts," even though it's still aggressively vague. I can just hear it now: "What's this bit, Mommy? How about this bit?"
2) Yoni. If you're going to other languages/cultures, this is a standout. Yoni comes from Sanskrit—it is often used to refers to the whole package (there is just no non-vulgar English word that manages that), and is not actually a swear word. In fact it means "divine passage" and is associated with goddesses.
1) Scheide. ("Shy-duh") If Yoni is a little too New Age for you, sensible German can come to the rescue. Of course almost no one will know what she means.
0) Well, honey, there's lots of words for that. You want her to be able to talk to teachers or doctors and have them understand her. You don't want to generate a 1950s hush-hush atmosphere and raise a young woman who thinks she needs to put a tampon in her urethrea. You want to be accurate and you also don't want a word that's all about the reproductive organs when all your three-year-old wants is a word for the area where her pee comes out. You want a word that's OK for your toddler that you won't have to take back when she's 14 (because she sure won't be all that keen on a vocab lesson then).
And you also want painless teething and toilet training at six months. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but despite what seems like our endlessly inventive language, there's no one word that fits the bill. But who said you have to pick just one? Give her one (or more) to use when asking you questions and also something professionals will understand.
(And please remember, whether or not you want to go there, that the accurate anatomical answer when she says "My brother has a penis, what do I have?" is "clitoris.")
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