5. Don't make me the bad guy. Please don't tell the kids, "Mommy doesn't want more than one kid on the trampoline at a time because she's afraid you might hurt yourselves," or, "Mommy doesn't want your brother to have raisins because she's afraid he might choke." Enforce my rules as if they're universal laws recognized by every adult on the planet.
4. Leave your gadgets in the car. I know it's important for kids to play independently and to play with each other, but that doesn't mean you can talk. text. or surf the web the moment my kids stop requiring your immediate attention. There's always stuff to do: straighten the playroom, throw those lunch plates in the dishwasher, etc.
3. Don't believe my kids. When my five-year-old tells you that yes, Mommy lets her eat an entire sleeve of oreos half an hour before dinner, or yes, she's allowed to watch four back-to-back-to-back-to-back episodes of Hannah Montana, stop and think: how likely is that?
2. Never say to my kids, "This will be our little secret."
1. DON'T GIVE IN TO TEMPER TANTRUMS! Even if you ignore every other rule, please, never, never, ever, give my kids what they want just to calm them down from the heights of hysteria. If my two-year-old throws herself on the floor screaming because her twin brother has the yellow sippy cup with the blue lid and she desperately wants that one instead of the yellow sippy cup with the purple lid you innocuously handed to her, just walk away. DO NOT SWAP SIPPY CUPS. If so, you will guarantee my daughter will grow up to be Leona Helmsley.
