Strollerderby

As to the video game...

I have a son with food allergies and texture issues - so he doesn't eat much in a restaurant.  We don't go often, but sometimes, especailly when my in-laws visit, restaurant visits happen.  He doesn't bother other patrons, but for various reasons, he's not dining, so I bring the game, and headphones so it doesn't bother other patrons.  Sometimes he uses the game, sometimes he reads or joins in very boring adult conversation (he's an only child). But if you haven't been in my shoes, don't judge the presence of the game.

I think very small children should get to go out too - to family friendly restaurants. It's easier to teach them restaurant manners if you actually go to restaurants.  I think maybe fine dining should be for older kids (or kids who really can display proper table manners) and adults, mainly because the other guests are paying a lot and expecting a certain experience.

We take our daughter (15 months) to a lot of restaurants, and most of them are family friendly. She's generally a good sport, with the occasional need to patter around a bit, but this is almost always greeted with happy smiles and engagement from people. We did take her to one really nice restaurant, but we went as soon as it opened, so it was nearly empty; she was well rested and looked adorable, which always helps; and she was well behaved.  We weren't planning to take her, but it was our wedding anniversary and the babysitter cancelled, and we didn't want to miss our annual meal at the restaurant where my husband proposed to me. I was very apprehensive about it, but it turned out really well. That doesn't mean I would intentionally repeat such a scenario any time soon. I'd rather savor my fine dining experiences and adult time at this point. We'll definitely be taking her to nice restaurants as she gets a little older, and poor behavior will not be tolerated. It's important to teach your child how to deal in a wide range of social situations as they grow. I am so grateful that my parents regularly took us out to eat because once I got to college and then into the real world, I never felt uncomfortable or ill at ease in a restaurant or social situation, thanks in large part to my upbringing.  

We've done very well with our 1-year-old. We tend to take him out earlier and keep him occupied by feeding him as soon as we can, so at least he's well-fed when he's bored. And we're hyper-vigilant about keeping him occupied. He loves to flirt with everyone, but if he starts to act out, we pick him up and walk somewhere else. We've especially been taking him to this one restaurant that gets a lot of older people, especially for early-bird (when we can afford it, and when he's better behaved) and many people have that concerned look, but we get a lot of compliments on how well-behaved he is.

I have no reason to believe we'll be able to pull it off with another child, or even once he hits 2, so we're trying to enjoy it while we can.

Here is a question.  Whenever this sort of discussion comes up someone always mentions "family restaurants" vs "nice restaurants."  Who defines "family" and "nice?"  

When my oldest was only one year old I had people get pissed off because she was crying at a McDonald's inside of a Walmart. Is there a definitive list somewhere of which restaurants are "nice" and which ones are "family."  In my opinion ones like Chili's, Outback, TGI Fridays and so forth are "family" but most parents I know sure get a lot of ugly looks and rude under-the-breath comments when they go in there with kids.  

Also, I am American and my kids have American citizenship; however, we live overseas in a country that socially is far more family friendly and kid tolerant.  Every time I read stories from America about kids in restaurants or on airplanes or whatever, it sickens me to see how intolerant and downright hateful American society seems to have become towards kids. It is even more horrifying when I take my kids back to the US and they get to experience it first hand, despite the fact that they are well behaved kids who don't "run around like maniacs."  The hatred slaps them in the face when they walk in the door before they even get a chance to act one way or the other.  

My pet peeves: 1. letting the kids run around the restaurant and talk to other diners, who the parents seem confident are 'totally charmed', and 2. bringing food from home (usually cheerios or some other snack) and leaving it spread all over the floor and mashed into the upholstery.  

That said, I'm terrified I'll one day do the same thing.  If you ever see a mom on her hands and knees on the floor, under the high chair, butt in the air, that's me trying to clean up my baby's spilled food.

Sherry, you raise a great point.  Especially when you're traveling or new to an area, it can be *so* difficult to judge which places are family-friendly and which are anything but.  We've been to apparently casual places that have high chairs but served juice in coffee mugs(!) and to upscale eateries that offer great kids' menus and provide pint-sized diners with pouches of plastic animals.  

We dine out frequently with our 3.5 y.o. son.  It seems like most kids, most of the time, do just fine in the average resto, especially if there are reasonable accommodations - cups with lids, kid-friendly food options, a few crayons.

As far as I'm concerned, people who want to live in a kid-free universe are suffering from their own set of troubles.  Getting seated next to the family with fussy toddler twins might not be your idea of a good time, but hey, we've been seated next to the bachelorette party.  We've been too close to the frat-tastic group of young guys on a business trip, expensing too much booze.  Life is imperfect.  Other human beings can be grating, whether they're 3 or 53.

Do I expect my son to behave?  Absolutely.  But I'm horrified that it has become socially acceptable to glare at anyone who dares take a child out in public.  IMHO, that's far ruder than a little bit of splattered couscous or the odd shriek.

Sherry and India, I'm with you both. I do not like getting glares when I take my completely silent children somewhere. I figure if someone doesn't want to be around kids, they should stay home. I guess when I mentioned fine dining, I was thinking about a fancy, expensive restaurant that is clearly not like a chain restaurant (with high chairs and crayons). My parents did take me to these restaurants, but not until I was about 5.

I'll be happy if you stop bringing your kids 10 and under to places with bars after 10:00 at night.  Yes, during the day it was a restaurant, but now they're making their money off booze not food (with the possible exception of cheese fries).  I promise, if your kid runs over to my table, I'll teach them some fun new words and tell them to ask their mommy to buy the pretty blue drink I have, because it's so tasty.

Seriously, shouldn't your young kids be in bed, or in the process of going there, at 10:00?

I can honestly say that we have not experienced any "glares" or "hatred" when out and about with the twins.  We eat at restaurants at least once a week - not fast food, but Applebee's, O'Charley's, and others on that leve.  Now, at age 5, the twins know how to set a table, where their napkins go before and after the meal, how to politely order their own food, and the fact that no one else in the restaurant wants to hear their story about the time the macaroni and the baked potato got married and had cheesy fry children, etc.  

With that said, and at the risk of sounding sanctimonious, I really don't think it was at all difficult to teach them these things.  So I do get annoyed when others don't do the same.  And, sorry Amy, but kids staring over the back of the booth is my NUMBER ONE pet peeve at a restaurant!

I was a waitress all through college and the main reason that I hated serving people with kids was that the tips never reflected the swath of destruction that the little cherubs left behind.  Ground up cheerios,spilled juice, and on several occasions dirty diapers would be left for me to clean up,with an apple juice sticky dollar as a reward. No matter how many eye rolls I get, if the service was half way decent,I make sure to leave a good tip and clean up after the kid.

Of course we all have our pet peeves (whether it's staring over the booth or handheld games), but I echo what India said - it's an imperfect world so, unless something really is disruptive (i.e. cannot be ignored because it's too loud or messy or dangerous) I say live and let live.  

Claudia - I had to giggle.  Ordinarily I agree with you, but last summer we traveled to a different time zone (by two hours) and our kids' bodies (and ours) felt like it was 7:30 and not the local time of 9:30 so we happened into a bar for fries and burgers.  The kiddos dealt well with it because, as I said, they still felt the night was still young.  But some of the locals gave us incredulous stares.  Hey - hubby and I wanted a little libation and the menu looked very kid friendly in the burger basket way.  All was well.  And nobody taught our kids any blue words or persuaded them to order pina coladas, though I had to chuckle at your threat.

Jacksmom - you raise a great point.  I promise you that I leave a huge tip (well, 25% or ballpark) after dining with kids unless servers are overtly hostile.  I am the mom with her butt in the air picking up shredded cheese and crayons, but I have enough respect for the bus-people and servers to leave something extra because typically they are marvelously attentive, toting multiple kid-cups of chocolate milk and water to the table, bringing the mac and cheese 10 minutes early so it can cool off, etc.  I'd say most of the time I am very satisfied with the service side when dining with kids.  Oh - and dirty diapers?  I would've chased those crazies out of the restaurant and thrown it at them shouting, "Didya forget something???" ... what the hell?

And, I don't think it can be said enough that if you start your kids out early with clear standards and expectations, by the time they hit Kindergarten they could very well be ready for high tea at the Ritz.

Yes, the tip is an important point about eating out with babies and toddlers. If we go out without them, we usually tip about 20%. If the twins are with us, we tip 30-35%. We started calling it the "Cheerio tax" when they were babies, and it just stuck. Even though we try to make sure there isn't food all over the floor, we will still ask each other, "did you remember to add Cheerio tax?"