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Attack of the Monkey Children

Posted by Brett Singer

When your children get older and (finally!) move out of the house, what are your plans?

a)    Move to a smaller place
b)    Turn their room into a casino
c)    Adopt a monkey

No, I didn't make that last one up. Amazingly, there are people that, when confronted with so-called "empty nest" syndrome, decide that the thing to do is to adopt a monkey.

Now, before you think, "aw, how cute, a monkey as a pet" or even, "what a horrible idea, having a monkey as a pet", you need to know one thing: many of these monkeys are not treated as pets. They are treated as children. They call them – monkids.

Tonight at 10pm on ABC, "Primetime: The Outsiders" will profile Lori and Jim Johnson, a couple of lunatics humans from Orlando, Florida who have a capuchin monkey named Jessy as a…pet child. Lori had "adopted" the primate prior to marrying Jim; Lori told ABC News that "living with Jessy was 'all part of the deal' and that [Jim] 'signed up for both' when he married Lori." I know love is hard to find, but if a woman tells me on the first date that she has a monkey that she dresses in children's clothing, that said monkey eats at the table with her, and that she treats said monkey as if she were her daughter, including referring to the monkey as "my daughter", I'm thinking there's no second date, much less a wedding. But hey, who am I to judge? Check out these pictures. They certainly look happy. Well, "mom" does. Hard to tell how the monkey feels about all this.

 

 

 


This story was actually reported on by the Orlando Sentinel back in April; here's the story, and video (via BoingBoing). According to the Sentinel, there are 15,000 people in the U.S. who own/live with/adopt monkeys, despite the fact that the practice is illegal in 20 states. There's even a magazine that caters to monkey owners/adopters/parents (sheesh, what exactly do you call these people?)

For a slightly different take, let's be sure to mention Angelle Sampey, a successful professional motorcycle racer with a monkid. According to ABC News, she wanted to have kids, but didn't feel that she could while pursuing a pro racing career. "I can't race and, you know, bear a child… And I thought adopting a monkey as a surrogate child would be a good thing to do." So no empty-nest for her; the monkey is instead of a human child.



Myself, I think I'd just get a dog.

So tonight at 10pm, ABC. Have fun.

images: abcnews.com

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Comments

 

Manjari said:

Monkeys don't need to wear clothes. They especially don't need that ridiculous dress.

July 1, 2008 4:07 PM
 

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) said:

I'd put that dress on my monkid. Or maybe a sailor outfit! Lord, I want a monkey so bad now.

July 1, 2008 4:27 PM
 

Eileen Perez-Carrion said:

That ABC primetime special was very BIASED. It made all primate owners seem as if they adopt them as surrogates, which is simply not true. My monkeys are my pets. Do I love them... of course I do in the same way that many other animal owners love their pets whom the have developed a strong bond with. However they would not replace my human children when the time comes to have them. I am only 23 & not married yet. I do take excellent care of my monkeys and pride myself on that. I am definitely not some cook. I wish that the responsible owners would be shown as well. I guess we are not newsworthy.

July 2, 2008 1:03 AM
 

Manjari said:

Unless you have a zoo-like setting and special training, I don't think it's really possible to be a responsible pet owner to monkeys. They are wild animals, and everything I've ever read on the subject indicates that they are not appropriate pets.

National Geographic:

news.nationalgeographic.com/.../0916_030916_primatepets_2.html

And this is from the Honolulu Zoo:

"So You Want A Pet "Monkey?" Did You Know:

1. Prosimians, monkeys, apes and humans are all primates. We share many characteristics and we share diseases. As our closest relatives, non-human primates can transmit mild to highly dangerous diseases to their owners, their owners' family and friends. Diseases like the common cold, internal parasites, hepatitis A, tuberculosis and even the often fatal Herpes B virus.

2. Non-human primate ownership can be regulated at the local, state or national level. Even if legal at the state level, numerous cities and counties have made it against the law to keep pet primates; illegal possession can result in fines and confiscation of the innocent victim, your pet.

3. To be made into a "pet," baby primates are taken away from their mothers when only hours or days old. Evolved to have continual (24 hr/day) body contact with their moms, infant primates are left to hug towels or stuffed animals. Depression is not restricted to human primates, these infants and mothers typically suffer depression from the forced separation.

4. Infant females taken away from their mothers' care don't develop the parental skills necessary to raise their own young. A vicious cycle of rejected infants that must be raised by humans in order to physically survive is started.

5. Primates are social. Under natural conditions they live in social groups and have constant companionship. Now think about the number of minutes per day you spend with other pets such as a dog. Thirty minutes? Two hours? Primates need more, much more. Once the decision has been made to remove the infant primate from its mother's care in order for it to become Your pet, You become its social life. Planning to have a job, go out with friends, see a movie, shop? Continuing to lead your normal life and leaving your pet to spend the majority of its day alone is both unnatural and inhumane.

6. Given good care and proper nutrition, non-human primates can lead very long lives. Twenty five to 30 years is not unusual for the smaller species while macaques, baboons and spider monkeys can easily reach 40 and apes can live to be 55 years old. A high school senior who buys an infant macaque can get a job, get married, raise a family and become a grandparent before the pet macaque dies of natural causes. Most people are not able to make that type of life-long commitment to a domestic pet yet alone a challenging exotic pet.

7. Once they reach sexual maturity, non-human primates become more unpredictable and dangerous. Even small primates are deceptively strong and all primates have damaging canines. Gentle one minute, they can inflict severe wounds when suddenly frightened, surprised, confused or frustrated. Owners are often shocked and feel betrayed. Believing they should not risk further aggression, responsible owners typically make the decision to reduce contact with the pet.

8. Non-human primates that become emotionally bonded to their owners, a trait that pleases and is encouraged by the master, can become jealous and attack visiting family, friends, neighbors, new boy/girlfriend or even the mailman. Owners can be held responsible for resulting medical bills and may be subject to lawsuits. Vacations could be out of the picture; finding a qualified caretaker who is accepted by the pet primate and willing to risk chance of being bitten may prove impossible.

9. Many small animal veterinarians do not want to accept the risk of injury or disease transmission and will not treat non-human primates. Additionally, few have the training to provide expert care.

10. Non-human primates are intelligent, curious and active. Unless caged, they can destroy furniture, curtains and any household decorations. They can throw their food around and easily rip off their diapers and soil the house.

11. Tired of dealing with the array of problems caused by pet primate ownership, most owners end up wanting to get rid of their pet. Lacking infant appeal, adult non-human primates are difficult to place. They may be transferred from inadequate to bad to worse homes, bought by an animal dealer or sent to an animal auction, shot or euthanized. Exotic animal sanctuaries are at capacity, zoos don't have the space for former pets. Rarely is the story ending a happy one.

12. Baby primates raised to adulthood by humans have not acquired all the necessary social skills to live with others of their own kind. If an owner is able to convince a sanctuary or roadside zoo to take his pet, integrating the imprinted primate into a peer group can be life threatening. Sending inappropriate signals to its new and strange companions, the former pet can be harassed, intimidated, and even attacked. If accepted, ex-pets can nevertheless remain social outcasts, individuals who through no fault of their own are caught between two worlds and can't live successfully in either. Neurotic behavior and depression are common consequences.

13. You may be the best pet-primate owner in the world, but by purchasing an infant primate, you are perpetuating a business that leads to miserable lives for many of the very animals you profess to adore."

July 2, 2008 8:50 AM
 

lex said:

manjari - THANK YOU!  having exotic pets like monkeys is wrong on so many levels.  the exotic pet trade is a major contributing factor in many animals' endangered status in the wild.  want a pet, folks?  get a dog.

July 2, 2008 9:11 AM
 

Craig said:

Actually the greatest contributing factor of animals becoming endangered is habitat loss, following by poaching, and killing because they are nuisance destry crops etc. Primates are still captured from the wild hownever to be used in medical research...by the thousands. I believe the New Delhi government is looking forpersons to hunt (remove, or kill) thousands of macaque monkeys that run through their streets because they are damaging property etc. The pet trade is extremely overated, especially since the US and most all developed countries have laws prohibiting import of wild species for the pet sector in order to conserve wild populations. Primates kept as pets must be captive bred. If someone wants to dedicate that much time to animal to properly rear it that is their choice. That is why we live in America.

July 2, 2008 12:10 PM
 

meliss said:

why do you have kids like monkeys as your child

July 3, 2008 2:42 AM
 

lex said:

hey, craig.  i didn't say that the pet trade was the GREATEST contributing factor, did i?  

and i love the idea that we can do whatever we want because we live in america.  did you know there are more tigers in texas now than in the wild?  why?  because we live in america.  awesome.

July 3, 2008 8:41 AM

About Brett Singer

Brett Singer is a writer and father living in Manhattan with his wonderful wife and two terrific sons (referred to here as Thing 1 and Thing 2). He writes about music for the Boston Phoenix, parenting for Babble and daddytips.com, and other topics for anyone else who will have him.

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