As an old writing teacher of mine used to say, just because something really happened doesn't mean it's a good story. This pretty much sums up my feelings about reality TV, and is at least half the reason that the "Same-Sex Parenting" installment of Morgan Spurlock's 30 Days show sat on my DVR for nearly a week before I could bring myself to watch it.
I was also afraid of how upset it would make me.
The show follows Kati, an Orange County Mormon and adoptive mother of two, as she travels across the U.S. to a farmhouse outside Ann Arbor, Michigan where she has agreed to spend 30 days living with Tom, Dennis, and their four adopted children.
Boy, is Kati ever nervous! How will the gays treat her? Will they take it personally when she tells them that she thinks their children would be better off living on the streets than with them? Will the lesbian mom she meets get defensive when Kati tells her she's truly sorry that she's been denied all contact with her child because she has no parental rights, but that she could have solved her own problem by not having a child in the first place?
Suffice it to say, Kati does not form lasting friendships with Tom and Dennis. She's angry and sad about this, and confused about why they can't just "agree to disagree." (Tom points out that actively working to dismantle his relationship and family isn't just disagreeing with him.)
While it would be easy to make Kati the villian in this story (and I think I will just go ahead and do that), I also hold Spurlock accountable for much of what is offensive about this show. While he gives airtime to Dawn Stefanowicz, author of Out From Under, and Peter Sprigg of the Family Research Council, the only gay or lesbian individual he speaks with directly is the head of Pacific Reproductive Services, a sperm bank in San Fransciso. And it's less of an interview and more of a Mr. Rogers-esque field trip during which Spurlock gets to make the obligatory straight man jokes about how great it would be to get paid for doing something he does anyway. So original! There is a whole boatload of research showing that children raised by gay and lesbian parents are happy, healthy, and well-adjusted. But not one data point made its way into this show.
By the end of the show everyone is in tears and Kati is on her way back to California, relieved that her deeply stressful and lonely 30 days as the only homophobe in the land are over. If this 30 Days experiment proves anything, it's that people's bigotry and prejudice can't be changed simply by getting to know a few good gays. Real change of heart requires something a little closer to home. Which is why I'm praying that one of Kati's sons turns out to be gay.
