Strollerderby

I come at this from another angle - how different is it from millions of south asians who prefer boys and have child after child to have the treasured boy? To me, it's not.

And you raise a good question about how the boys must feel to know that what their mom really wanted was a girl. That she loved them but that her life was complete only after a girl. It's the sort of thing that undercuts women all the time in many places in south asia. Although, one hopes the boys aren't being treated poorly in the interim - which, sadly, is standard in parts of India.

But good god, there's no way I'd keep trying over and over to have that one girl/boy.

And yes, the saying in India is "a boy to carry on the family name, a girl to love." Despite the preference for boys, people realize that your daughter might actually take better care of you when you're older (that whole cleaning you up when you're decrepit thing being hypothetically easier with a daughter than a daughter in law). But assuming your one daughter is the one who'll take care of you in your dotage can also be an unrealistic expectation. Really, you've no way of knowing how things are going to pan out so far into the future. You can only hope you'll get along well with the son/daughter-in-law or daughter/son-in-law.

Off on a tangent.......

I hope for a daughter too, but dear lord, there's no way I'd put myself through that much!

If what you really want is a girl baby, why not adopt?

Im with leahsmom. It seems like the only sure way to get a girl.

Slowburn, i was in mexico once and this lady came up to me trying to sell a doll and she told me i was very beautiful and needed to have as many children as possible that way when i get older they can all help take care of me. The idea of that just seems so horrible to me! I would never ask my kids to give up their lives to take care of me in old age! But i guess its the whole different culture thing. It really is fascinating to hear the reasoning behind certain things in different cultures.

Hi Maeby,

"The idea of that just seems so horrible to me! I would never ask my kids to give up their lives to take care of me in old age!"

It is a different cultural mindset. For starters, no one in India (at least outside the big cities) thinks of it as giving up their lives because joint families and a different set of expectations about privacy are the norm. Outside the cities/urban folk, people still largely expect to live in joint families where several generations share a roof and no one really lives alone, unless they're unfortunate (because of tragic accidents or something!), never married, or didn't have children. So you're not giving up the things you might be here - privacy, another person in your home, etc.

More importantly, the things that enable or require people here to grow old by themselves - social security, medicare, regulated nursing homes, long term insurance plans, people living into their 90s - simply aren't standard expectations in much of the world. That's a luxury the first world can afford, decreasingly at that.  

For that matter, the idea of an elderly couple, living separately - alone - from their family, moving in with the kids when they can no longer live by themselves, and finally ending up in the nursing home, is a relatively new idea, even in the US.

Think about it - a hundred years ago there was no social security or medicare, people didn't live as long as they do now, and if they did, they were routinely the "elderly poor." The idea of retirement as "the golden years" simply wasn't around in the 1900s. We're adjusting to the idea of our generation may never retire and will work until they drop - it seems sad and new to us, but is in fact the norm everywhere else.

Traditionally, I think the world over, a large family is your social network, social security, and your community. It's why parents are constantly trying to get their children married and "settled" in India - both sons and daughters. If you're not married, and "you don't have a family unit of your own, who will take care of you?!"  See where we're going with this?

And yes, that assumes that your children will love and care and support you. For the most part they do. And I know plenty of people who are unhappy with their families, but the idea of not caring for your own goes strongly against the grain.

Sorry for the ramblation! Hope this all makes sense ....

Where do we send the condoms?

Don't you think that's their easy answer for why they have so many kids?  Instead of saying, "Butt out of our lives, we love our kids and love having a big family," or, "Our faith doesn't permit contraceptives," they just say, "Oh, we've always wanted a girl, ha ha."

Who are we to judge?  Are their kids healthy and happy?  Good.

thanks for the ramblation, slowburn -- i was going to launch into something similar, after being offended by maeby's reaction, but you said it for me.

Cripey. I have two boys and I want a girl someday, but I doubt I'll try 8 times. 3 boys, and I'm out. Snip Snip. Or like leahsmom said, we'll adopt a gal.

My fear is that she wants a girl to help her with her housekeepping duties.  I hope all those boys are being taught to chip in with the cooking, cleaning, ironing, etc...