Are there any Irish kids who grow up happy, well-fed, wealthy and without alcoholic fathers? Not if pop culture is to be believed.
The luck of the Irish simply doesn't apply to many of the troubled lads and lasses in movies, books, plays and m
usic. On this St. Patrick's Day, let's honor a few of the Emerald Isle's wee battered souls with this list of the Seven Unluckiest Irish Childhoods in Recent Pop Cultural History.
7. The Twins in "The Commitments":
As Irish families go, the Rabbittes seem fairly pleasant. But the twin
girls in the family don't have it easy. I mean, aside from having multiple siblings and living by modest means, they have to
speak in unison all the time. That's a lot of pressure.
6. Bono:
At the age of 14, his mother died very suddenly of a brain aneurysm ...
at the funeral of his grandfather. Talk about fodder for a bleak Irish
drama. Young Paul Hewson's luck would eventually turn when he grew up
to front the world's greatest rock band. Other major accomplishments:
Earning a Nobel Peace Prize nomination, ticking off the FCC by dropping
an f-bomb at the Golden Globes and holding a press conference in a K-Mart.
5. The Sisters of "In America":
The two young girls in this Jim Sheridan film lose a brother,
then move with their parents to a seedy Hell's Kitchen apartment with no air-conditioning. Worst
of all? Since the story is set in 1982, they have to wear '80s-era
clothes.
4. The Daughter in "The Beauty Queen of Leenane":
Martin McDonagh's play centers around Maureen, a 40-year-old woman stuck playing
nursemaid to her mentally ill mother, a woman who pees in a pot and
dumps her urine in the kitchen sink every morning. Okay, so the story does not
technically focus on anyone's childhood, but I think it's fair to
assume that Maureen's adult life with her mother is this bad, childhood had to
be even worse. On the plus side, well, you can't say they don't have a
pot to piss in. (Tip o' the clover to fellow Strollerderby blogger Brett Singer for this suggestion.)
3. Shane MacGowan: The frontman for the Pogues moved from Ireland to London at the age of six, where he was eventually kicked out of school for drug use. His parents also reportedly gave him alcohol at a young age because they thought it would prevent him from becoming an alcoholic as an adult. Yeah, that plan worked out beautifully. But MacGowan ranks at No. 3 mainly because I have to assume that anyone with teeth like these must have had some rocky coming-of-age moments:
2. Francie in "The Butcher Boy": Choose the novel or the film. Either way, you get the disturbing story of a boy with an alcoholic father and a suicidal mother who eventually goes nuts and murders his neighbor. You'll need a few Guinesses just to get through it without squirming.
And the No. 1 Unluckiest Irish Childhood belongs to...
1. The McCourts of "Angela's Ashes": "Worse than the ordinary miserable childhood is the miserable Irish childhood, and worse yet is the miserable Irish Catholic childhood." So writes Frank McCourt in the opening paragraphs of this best-selling memoir, which may paint the definitive picture of young Irish woe. I mean, the twin babies drink sugar water. You know what happens to infants who do that? They wind up with teeth like Shane MacGowan's.
Photos: Paramount Pictures; Audio Cama
