Strollerderby

It's a tough call, you love your babies so much and want them to have a happy wonderful life. Girls are cruel enough as it is, but----to put your child under the knife when you are a plastic surgeous seems self preserving to me. Maybe they should read Hawthorne's "The Birthmark" and take note.

But then again, it seems like a non story. He's saying that in 18 years he may make a decision for his child. That's a long way off, sounds like he's trying for free publicity.

I think that the good doctor and his wife are way too focused on appearance.  Because they are hypersensitive to looks, and probably do a fair amount of judging based on appearance themselves, they want to "fix" their child.  You would think that having a child with special needs would have opened their minds to the fact that the world isn't perfect, people aren't supposed to look perfect and people who would judge someone unfairly based on their appearance are jerks anyway.  The whole job scenario they mention seems like a flimsy excuse to me.

Hmmm... It is a shame we won't get to hear what Karen has to say on this as she has personal experience with Downs...

I couldn't imagine having my young child undergo elective surgery -- I can barely stand it when they have to go in for vaccines, but I'm a major wimp.

Not having a child with downs syndrome, I can't say how I would feel, but I can believe this is done out of love.  You know your child is perfect, but you just want to make sure that everyone else knows this too.  

Shortly after my son was born, he started to develop a hemangioma on his forehead.  It was very red and got quite large.  His doctor said that it would most likely go away by age 5 (it did).  I didn't worry about it but I had many complete strangers come up to me and tell me that he could have laser surgery.  Some folks had taken their kids in for this cosmetic fix at age 2.  These weren't children with hemangiomas that interfered with their breathing or sight, but they just looked different.  At that time, I thought that if it didn't go away by age 12, I might ask my son if he wanted to have it removed.

I think it's much more a reflection of how these parents see the world than how the world necessarily is.  They're overly concerned with appearances themselves, so no surprise they think of it with regard to their daughter.

Maureen, I had a big hemangioma in the center of my forehead  until I was about 6 years old. My mom recently told me she still sometimes thinks it's sad that I had it so long and it's in all my pictures.  For me, it was never an issue.  Never got teased for it, never felt weird, and doesn't bug me to see photos, it's just me.  I have friends with port wine stains who say the same thing.  We are who we are, and what we look like is the least part of it all.

(Incidentally, in my late 20s, it became somewhat visible again, in the form of a small depression where the hemangioma used to be, but really only if you know what to look for.  Wonder if your son's will do the same.)

I would have surgery for the tongue protrusion.  They are right though, society does judge thoses with Downs differently.  It is a shame but it is true. I really think they want the best for their children and want to make things easier on them.  It is not different than surgeries to correct facial deformities that do not affect the health of a child.  Growths, birth marks, extra head from absorbed twin.  No different.

God gave you a special child and if he wanted her looking any different then she is then he would of done so. To put this child through such an ordeal would be cruel. As for the parents get over it and face the fact that she is who she is, a beautiful loving special little person who changing her appearance will not change her learning disabilaties.  She will still be different to society.

I am blessed with a child who is down's and very proud of her.

I have a 9 month old daughter with down's, so I am intrigued by this story.  No, I would never even consider it for my own daughter.  But I don't think this automatically makes the parents cruel and hypersensitive to looks.  

The thing that surprises me most about having a daughter with down's is how normal she is.  So when I am at the park and people are staring and whispering, it takes me a minute to remember, "oh, yeah, she has down's".  And I hate the thought of that being the defining factor for people who meet her.  There is a lot about her that has nothing to do with down's.  

It would be nice to give her the gift of not being immediately singled out in a crowd because of her looks.    Not at the cost of surgery, though.  So I will try to give her the gift of gracious responses and a mother who loves and accepts her.

I would recommend that you read Chelsea's and my comments in response to the Mail Article. Please see Ophelia's web site where the comments will be posted today or tomorrow. You can also read my interchange with the 'Mail on Sunday' writer, Bonnie Estridge prior to publication of the article. As a friend of mine with a Down syndrome child said,'the only thing you can believe in the mail is the date!' This Blog is just as pernicious in its innuendo even though you say are prepared to be proven wrong.

We have never recommended or even considered cosmetic surgery for Ophelia. We are far more interested in her health and her physical and mental development. It seems that both you and the readership are quick to assume the worst with some exceptions. Of course we love Ophelia as she is. The decision to have surgery on a child with congenital anomalies is a complex one taken between the parents and their surgeon. We should leave that decision to the individual family and their medical advisors to decide on its own merits. Reconstructive surgery for congenital anomalies of all kinds has improved the quality of life of millions of children. You might be interested to know that a child with a cleft lip will grow up to be a perfectly healthy adult except that nobody might kiss them. Plastic surgery is not an industry as you describe it. It takes tremendous dedication and training to become a plastic surgeon and I wonder how much of either you have endured to reach the point of writing this article.

As a plastic surgeon I have spent my life correcting congenital deformities in the USA and in Third World countries as part of charitable missions, and I am not the vacuous superficial individual that you portray.In fact I think that I probably have more experience than most when it comes to dealing with these very complex physical and developemental issues.

I will be interested to see if you publish this on your web site and if you take the time to read our comments on Opehlia's web site as well as her dairy which documents Ophelia's progress over the last 2 years and our emotions during that period.

Lastly, I don't need any free publicity. In fact Chelsea and I were assured that this was a mother daughter article for Mother's Day without any mention of myself or plastic surgery.

Laurence and Chelsea Kirwan

please add Ophelia's web site to my comments and thanks for printing them. Hopefully it will put an end to some of the unbalanced and un-informed pubicity on this issue.

www.opheliablueeyes.com

When my son was born and it was obvious (to us-not the hospital personnel) that he had Ds I was VERY worried about superficial things.  Worried about how his eyes, tongue, head, etc. would look.  I didn't want to be so shallow but it really consumed me.  When I looked at him all I could see was Ds.  Soon, very soon, it occurred to me that these differences were a blessing.  Often in life I have seen people and thought, "What is WRONG with them?  What a weirdo!"  Only to find out they were mentally disabled (or whatever the current pc term is).  Once I knew THAT I had no more problem.  No longer was I dismissive and freaked out.  With Ds you have a distinctive look that tells the world a little something about you and for the most part people are very accepting of it.

Funny thing is...Most people can't tell my son has Ds.  Hypocritically (how do you spell that?) I am thrilled AND then worried that he won't look "downzy" enough.

I shouldn't be too judgemental of those proposing surgery to normalize their children.  On one hand I think it is horrible and wonder how they could risk their child's life with frivolity.  On the other, I could see myself having sticky out ears pinned or even something more major if they were going to be anethasized (again, sp???) for some other needed reason.  Of course, everything about my son is HIM. I'm not sure I could change anything.  I would feel I was losing a part of him.