It would be criminal not to report on this one: Jezebel had this bit on women who have orgasms during childbirth. Yes, that would be an orgasm during childbirth.
Now, I’ve had a few days to absorb this one so my reaction has been tempered by time. Why, I was even able to click on the link and read the stories, something I could not make myself do for like, four days. And now that I’ve mellowed a little, I’ll say I understand the connection between pain and sex (though in my experience, childbirth pain was a completely different kind of praying-for-death pain) and I would not want anyone to feel ashamed of a surprise O, so that’s what I’ve got on the positive side.
But that does NOT mean I want to hear the details of the birthing orgasm, because I’d actually like to have sex again, thanks. No more of this: “A
woman in California was giving birth at home in a portable birth tub and
feeling very sexy and loving with her partner. Each time she had a contraction
she would cry out, ‘Oh, baby, I love it. More…more!’ Her windows were open
because it was July, and soon a crowd gathered outside her home. When the baby
was born amidst shouts of ‘Yes!!! Yes!!! Oh, my God, yes!!!’ her neighbors gave
her a great round of applause. They only realized that it was a birth after
they heard the cries of a baby.”
Yeah, that was one of the tame ones. And there’s a couple more reasons I don’t wanna hear about it. The stories skeeved me out in a big way. I do not ever want to know about anyone’s oiled vagina sexy baby coming. Bleugh. And because while birth might have been goody-goody sweaty Goddess primal power for a few of you, I’d rather be waterboarded than do childbirth again. The fact that some people orgasm is maybe proof the universe hates me so much, because, um, not me, AT ALL. Should I ever make the mistake of allowing myself to get into that mess for a second time, I’ll have them hook me up to a non-stop epidural at the first Braxton-Hicks. Oh, and if you made a spectrum of how childbirth felt, my experience would be over here, ‘bearable’ would be somewhere near Mars, and ‘orgasmic’ would be in a galaxy so far away Captain Kirk hasn’t even dreamed about the hot alien chicks who live there yet.
“Honey, on the day you were born, I had the most amazing orgasm.” “Could you please shoot me now, mom?”
No thank you. If you O’d, you’ve got company. Great. But no more TMI.