I know this isn't exactly breaking news, but imagine my surprise when I emerged from the world's worst flu-coma to discover Brit's li'l sis was pregnant. My word! Spend three days praying for death and hugging the toilet and all of the sudden, the world goes to hell in a handbasket. Of course CNN was so on the ball, getting readers to weigh in on what exactly we should tell the children about Jamie Lynn's state. Hey, don't they have special places for unwed girls to go where nobody has to know about their 'condition' and the family honor can remain mostly intact, with the awful truth only whispered about over bridge games and at the church social? 

Well, John Scalzi knows what he will say, and I second that emotion. And here's a few suggestions as to how to break the news to the innocent little ones.

-Jamie Lynn is a wicked, wicked girl, and she will be punished for her sins. The universe will exact retribution on her and her family by making her sister a public trainwreck and turning her mother into an opportunistic fame-whoring Medea. Why, soon even a deadbeat, coattail riding, gold digger will look responsible by comparison to her family. Oh, wait...

-Now hon, I know you love Zoey 101, and you might notice Jamie Lynn's tummy getting bigger over the next few months. It's just gas.

-Jamie Lynn has made certain bad choices, and among them was the decision not to wear a condom. What's a condom? Well, I brought out this banana here to show you. And by the way, you can't get pregnant from a banana.

-Ooooh, Jamie Lynn is having a bayyy-beeee! What should we get her as a shower gift? I like the teen mom layette, embroidered with pictures of tears and broken dreams.

Now really, do we need to educate our children through the actions of celebrities? For god's sake...

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