I know many of you are struggling with a big dilemma this holiday: You'd like to get your partner a sexy sex toy gift, but you'd also like him or her to be able to open the present with the rest of the family. And you'd like to avoid the fiasco of a few years back, when you gave her that black corset and she opened the present in front of her parents and turned bright red. Look, I've got your back. Here's a couple sex gifts that will slide right under the radar of the family, and no one will know what a naughty holiday it is and stuff. And I should add that when I asked the other Derbys for ideas, I got much more personal information about them than I ever really wanted. 

4. The Hello Kitty "shoulder massager". The NY Times reported that this popular item is being re-released, so that cute little mouthless cat with the pink bow will be available to "relieve aching shoulder muscles" and, um, other stuff. Only drawback: the kids may want to play with this one, which could be awkward. Same goes for the Harry Potter vibrating broomstick.

3. James Bond figurine. Mike, who is a litle bit obsessed with Daniel Craig, pointed us towards this one. His limbs can be posed in all kinds of ways. Mike says the gun vibrates, but I think that's just wishful thinking on his part. Yes, the kids might wanna play with this one too, but I think that would be inadvisable and unsanitary. And please don't ask me how you use this.

2. The Liberator pillow. As Rachel says, it could be passed off as helpful with back problems, kind of an ergonomic thing. I personally am afraid of what could go wrong on the Scoop, and the Cube baffles me, but I most of you are much more gymnastic than me.

My top pick? 1. The iGallop. Actually, Brookstone is just loaded with chairs and massagers and things of that nature that I believe are probably satisfying in many ways, but nothing tops the iGallop. You know, its for exercise. Just watch the video. You mount the iGallop and ride your way to core and inner thigh strength, holding on with your knees for deal life, letting your noble steed tone and sculpt you...Whoa Nellie. I always wanted a pony.