Now this dad is a quick-thinker. Hoping to maybe think about the possibility of getting rehired at the Long Island trucking company that fired him three years ago, and knowing that his wayward ways with the hash pipe probably might stand in the way of his high aspirations, Brandon Costantino did what any good dad would do: he pulled his nine-year old son out of school so he could pee in a coffee cup behind a convenience-store dumpster.

Problem is, some donut-foraging police noticed something funny going on and investigated.

And they were appalled. "This was a deplorable act ... The behavior this man exposed his child to is harmful to the kid's mental and moral welfare."

What? For peeing behind a dumpster? Like it's the first time that's happened? Apparently they saw the kid unzipping behind the dumpster while a "nervous man" looked on, and immediately thought sexual assault. Okay, I can see how they get that. But... "harmful to the kid's mental and moral welfare"? For...peeing? Or was it because Honest Brandon admitted to the cops what his plan was, to use his kid's urine to pass a drug test at a company that didn't even know he was applying for a job?

And, pardon my obtuseness, but I don't get what dad was going to do with the condom in the coffee cup. 

I don't know. There's gotta be more to the story here. Besides that Dad was charged with endangering the welfare of a child and marijuana possession (might as well have your drugs on you when you get your kid to pee on your behalf, otherwise what's the point?). I mean, I get that it's stupid to use someone else's urine to pass a drug test, and that it's a really really bad idea to use your kid like that, but it seems more like a bad Seinfeld episode than a stupid idea that could ruin this guy's life (not that it sounded all tha stellar to begin with).

Oh! And have a look at the outraged commenters! 

photo: New York Daily News