The whiz kids at MIT have invented a device that should be nominated for a Nobel Prize for its outstanding contribution in the field of Everyday Items that Benefit the Greater Good of all Humankind and Getting Your Drink On. Previous winners are the EZ Pull Corkscrew and the Sippin' Seat Flask Seat Cushion (Come on, it’s a stadium seat cushion with an internal flask and nozzle. You don’t even have to get up to drink from it!) But the MIT brainiacs have done them all one better by inventing the Blendie 2000, a voice-controlled blender.
The Blendie 2000 contains a voice sensor that responds not to words or commands, but to, now get this, voice pitch and volume. In other words, the louder you yell at the blender, the faster it will blend. Even without the Blendie 2000 I was already pulling a Ruprecht by running excitedly around the kitchen banging a ladle into a sauce pan screaming, “Margarita, Margarita, Margarita, Margarita!” while the uninspired push button Cuisinart droned away, but now my earsplitting half-wit antics will have a beneficial causal effect on my frozen concoction.
Connecting a user’s pitch and volume to a product’s performance is a technology that has been used before, most recently in cell phones most specifically when the phone is being used in a public place. “WHAT? HEY, YEAH …I’M….WHAT….I’M AT STARBUCKS…. STARBUCKS…NO…NOT THAT…NOT THAT ONE…THE OTHER ONE…THE ONE….I SAID THE ONE WITH THE BARISTA WITH….THE BARISTA WITH THE NOSE RING…. NOT THAT ONE….THE OTHER…THE OTHER ONE WITH THE NOSE RING…”
Dear Santa, I’ve been really good this year, well except for the incident with that T-Ball umpire but all those charges were dropped, so I would like a Blendie 2000 for Christmas. And if it’s not too much trouble a date with that Starbuck’s Barista with the nose ring; I hear she likes frozen mudslides.
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