Ahem. A little while back, a school banned tag. You know that made me all crotchety. Now, an Illinois middle school has gone exceptionally stupid too and made a rule banning hugs. Hey, how are we gonna do "Hugs not drugs" if we can't hold each other? Okay, now I'm settling into my creaky old rocking chair with my shotgun resting on my knee and winding up for this one. See, the principal says, "students were forming 'hug lines' that made them late for classes and crowded the hallways." Well, of course, the only logical thing to do in that case is to prohibit hugging altogether. Because no good ever came from a hug. Hugs are just sick.
The principal also asserts in a letter to parents that, "There is another side to the issue when a hug is either unwanted or
becomes inappropriate as judged by one of the students involved." I can see that. But only in one of our dumbass schools would that mean that hugs should be forbidden altogether. It's like we don't trust kids to breathe safely. Perhaps they should just ban conversation as well--after all, sometimes it leads to misunderstandings. Because the unwanted hug thing couldn't possibly be resolved in individual situations. No, when anything is a problem in a few incidents, the answer is to outlaw it altogether. Don't trust those kids! They can't control their bodies. And everything, from play to affection to clothing to expression of ideas, is just a friggin' disaster waiting to happen. We need to protect our children so that when they go out into the real world, they'll have the life skills to, um, well, not interact with other human beings exactly...I guess they'll be real good at following insane rules. That should prepare them well.
My next dispatch will be from the hermit cabin. Send jerky and Tang.
