Strollerderby

The only good idea I have on this front is to model, model, model the behavior that you'd like to see.  Stand in front of the mirror and say, "Wow! I love my beautiful skin.  And I like my nice strong legs.  I can sure run around and play well with these good legs!"  Don't make it obvious that you're doing it for her benefit, but she'll pick up on it.  Our own shame is so easy for our kids to absorb.  

I just read your bio below.  Your line, "Either that or just enormous" is clearly a play on words, but it fits right into the attitude of self-loathing (even if playful) that our kids are picking up on.  

Karen, I agree strongly with Madison.  Your references to your own understanding of body dysmorphia are meant to suggest that you have had these problems yourself, right?  You may not be completely over it.  Your reference to yourself as enormous comes across as self-dislike, whether you intend it playfully or not.  These subtle things are probably being picked up by your daughter.  I think Madison's suggestion is absolutely perfect.  I can't think of anything better for the both of you than if you make a point of saying something great and appreciative of your body, out loud, in the earshot of your daughter, once each day.  This is probably excellent advice for all of us with little girls!! And yes, that product is abhorrent.  Even though I sort of want it.

Um, I'm quite well aware how far I am from being enormous....that bit is truly just a joke.  And being aware of my own issues about body image doesn't mean I'm fixated on them.  Perhaps my daughter responds to her father, who walks around grasping his midsection wailing about how fat he is and tells the children about his concern for the 3-year old's weight (this is a boy who recently only just made it ON the the charts, at the very bottom, for weight).  But my awkward legal situation makes it imprudent to mention that.

My point is, of course, not so much about myself but about society in general.  There is enormous (that word again) pressure to be thin, to be perfect.  Are we so conditioned to it that it's hardly noticeable anymore?  

I think Madison and Anisa are being hard on you, Karen. I never perceived your statement of "enormous" as being a large person, but of having an enormous PERSONALITY!! A far cry from an overt body image problem. An enormous personality is a strong one-- and that's a good thing, especially for a mother.

I think what you say about her father makes sense. I hope he figures out the impression he's making on your kids, especially your daughter and that he can make right of the situation. However, I feel there is no one source of it. Sure it starts at home but I also think that despite your daughter's limited access to TV, Bratz, ect, and even her Waldorf schooling which somewhat shelters kids from the above, it's still there. It sidles into their little lives, in the stories they read, it comes from their friends and classmates. Unfortunately, as kids get older, parents are often replaced by friends as the most important opinion and as they learn to think for themselves, they must first think like everyone around them. We can only attempt to give them a strong sense of self and an ability to problem solve, use rational thinking and a strong desire to think for themselves that will hopefully kick in sooner, rather than later!

It makes me sad how our society lately is so out of balance!  On the one hand, we have little girls dieting and thinking they aren't good enough and on the other hand, we have little kids carrying an unhealthy amount of weight and their parents turn a blind eye.  My own niece is running 40% body fat and her pediatrician says she is just fine and it's baby fat.  What is going to happen to our little ones?  

Since I'm very overweight, I've always worried how I would help my daughter have a positive self-image.

We've kept her in physical activities, encouraged healthy eating, and help her focus on her many strengths aside from looks (she's kind, smart, loves music & animals, plays volleyball, etc).

It's so sad to hear of her friends who criticize themselves, but I reassure her that she is great just the way she is (and truly, she's the right size for her age--but she even wondered if she should be smaller like some of her peers).

It's a constant battle : /