I owe the Jezebels my immortal soul or my first-born child or a case of Red Bull or something for this one. They posted about Binsi, a company that sells clothes to wear when you are giving birth. Because, as the OB quoted on the site says, "Birth is easier when the mother feels more confident and
comfortable." (Deep breath, surpress hysterical laughter.) Well, thank goodness, because I know when I started contractions and I immediately threw on my favorite black dress, the strappy one that makes me feel so pretty, I found the slit in the back wasn't nearly big enough to allow me to comfortably bounce around on the birth ball moaning like a wounded animal. Plus even dry cleaning couldn't get out that stain from when my water broke.
But wait, I think I see a trend here: the Binsi site says this apparel can help you, "Look and feel more like yourself." Gosh that sounds so familiar. Oh yeah, this. I guess the big problem with pregnancy and labor and birth and all is that it makes you uglier, bigger, less groomed, and therefore, you know, less yourself. Because looking good is feeling good. Looking good is YOU. And when we talk about losing yourself in motherhood, that's what we mean. Losing your looks, your youthful, hot, rockin', self. And you don't have to do that, because you can care about how you look all the way into the delivery room, because that'll give you confidence. Right?
You know, I can honestly say that labor and delivery was one time in my life when I did not give a rat's ass about how I looked. And lemme tell you, no one loves a stretched-out hoo hoo, deflated boobs, wow-my-bod-is-different joke more than I do. Because I'll be the first one to admit that pregnancy and birth changed my body. Luckily I never lost myself because I was more than my hoo hoo and boobs to begin with. And when I say I never lost myself, I don't mean I'm exactly the same as I was before sperm met egg. No, I've changed with my life, and I can joke about the hoo hoo because really, what does that matter at all next to the amazing, adorable, frustrating, life-altering little kid I have now?
When you go into labor, if you don't wanna wear a hospital gown and feel like a patient, why not go naked? Or if naked is too weird, wear a friggin' t-shirt. Why not? Oh right, you can't package that and sell it, you can't tell women they'll get to be themselves (pretty and sexy and confident) in labor and charge it to the Visa. If I sound irate, it ain't all Binsi's fault. It's just that I'm pissed, because I loved the whole "being a mom doesn't mean you have to put on the mom-jeans" liberated thing and then it went totally awry, it morphed into this new pressure to be hot at all times. Now celebs have exactly two minutes to lose the baby weight and we're supposed to celebrate our mommy-ness by flashing our boobs and believing that sweatpants=death of self. And maybe that was always part of it, and I'm only reaching the breaking point because companies are vying for my dollars so that I can still be pretty ol' me, I haven't changed one little bit, "why look, you can hardly believe she's had babies she looks so good". Then I get to raise a girl and try and teach her that it's important to be pretty on the inside.
I guess the most eloquent thing I have left is: Fuck this.
