Emily Bazelton ponders how we praise our children wondering what kind of praise is valuable and what kind is unhelpful. Current opinion looks down on parents creating situations where even the most benign accomplishments, like 'graduating' from 5th grade, are lavishly praised as true accomplishments. A study of college students given a personality test for narcissism each year shows that today's students are 30% more narcissistic than the students of 1982. If these students were actually more self confident, this would be wonderful news but Bazelton says kids know that graduating from 5th grade isn't really all that difficult to do and so they eat up the praise but it's not making a generation of more confident adults.
Bazelton argues the kind of praise we give our kids is the problem, not the quantity of it. She points out studies by Claude Steele and the New York magazine piece by Carol Dweck, "How Not To Talk To Your Kids."
I agree with the piece that there's a balance between truly believing your child is a version of your best self and encouraging them to live up to that and on the other hand raising a child into an adult who believes showing up to work on time is worthy of praise from a boss. It's a tricky balance and that's why I'm cancelling that "You've Finished Third Grade Gala" I was planning for June.
