Remember how Madonna and Guy Ritchie said buying a baby helped their troubled marriage? That welcoming David Banda into their family had "given them a spark" and they were inspired to renew vows and plan a second honeymoon?

Might want to book two rooms for that trip. Apparently the adoption kerfuffle created more problems than it solved. A source for News of the World said, "Guy thought it was ridiculous [Madonna] was going straight back to Malawi with a film crew. At first Guy thought it was a good idea. But then it turned into the Madonna show and he hated the way David's adoption was used to generate publicity." Get in line, Guy, get in line. Only we knew it was a bad idea from the start, because the Madonna show should only involve music and Gaultier. Here's a tip: when you plan to do anything involving a film crew, ask yourself, "Is this totally self-serving and gross?" If you aren't sure, ask yourself, "would I fund a movie about this if I wasn't in it?" Side note: shouldn't I so be therapist to the stars?

Guy is also worried about having his directorial career overshadowed by she-who-we-liked-so-much-better-in-lingerie. I hate to drop a bombshell here, but it's a little too late to worry about that. You have to make a lot more movies and they have to be a lot more successful if you want your own separate identity. You may as well get "Mr. Madonna" on your driver's license.  

According to the marital woe source, the couple still acts all unified in public and with the brood, but when they are alone they barely speak. I hope that's not the criteria for rocky, because I know about forty couples who qualify. Parents are just too tired to talk. Oh, but they also sleep in separate beds. Regularly. That sign... eh, not so good.

Again with a side note: if you became rich and famous, which person in your life would become the source that spread all kinds of rumors about you? Oh, I know with celebs it's most often the publicist trying to keep 'em in the spotlight, but occasionally there's a real tidbit revealed by a resentful cash-strapped friend or relative. Do you ever wonder who would air your dirty laundry to the world in exchange for a couple bucks and a knockoff Prada keychain?