As a single mom, I worry from time to time about the
detrimental
effect my singletudinousness is having on my kids. After all, it was my
decision to "rip apart" their family in the pursuit of my own selfish
happiness,
thus ensuring me a continuous supply of guilt for the next 20 years or
so, so shouldn't I just have continued to suck it up and deal for
another,
what, 13 years until the littlest turns 18? Yeah. Well. In another
life,
maybe. But like all parents, I still worry from time to time if I'm
doing my best.
It turns out I could have simply done a little reading and felt much much better, because here's justification for the theory that there are some things that single parents have an easier time with:
1.
Usually there's a lack of money, so buying expensive toys and
maintaining a consumerist lifestyle isn't an issue. The kids don't feel
cheated or deprived because they know the situation.
2. The
kids have to be nice to you, because you're the only parent they've
got. No playing one parent against the other (except in joint cusody
situations, and that's a whole different kind of fun!).
3. You're
more accessible that parent-couples are. The flip side is that it can
become weird, with the kid standing in for the missing spouse, but
assuming that's avoided, it can certainly be said that in general, kids
see more of their single parents than they might of parents who are
constantly jetting off to Bermuda or something. Since I work from home
and can mantain a flexible schedule, when my kids are with me I'm
fortunate to be able to be totally present for them.
4. Did I mention that money and "stuff" is less of an issue? You
can't buy anything if you don't have the money. Which means that kids
have to come up with more creative ways to entertain themselves. You
can do a lot with a box of paperclips!
All
styles of parenting are choices made for various reasons and under
various cicumstances. Being a single parent might not be my first
choice for my children, but it's what I have. Looking at
itthrough the lens of what it GIVES the children instead of what they
LACK because of it makes everything easier. It's good to know that
there are positive ways of looking at ALL the choices, no matter what
those choices may be.
