Now that I’ve shared my fascination with One Step Ahead with y’all, it’s time to bring on the next great invention from the glossy pages of that catalog for the most controlling parents. As Karen astutely pointed out, it gets to the point where you might as well wrap the kid in foam. And wouldn’t that create the kind of choking hazard OSA would anticipate?
Behold the Naughty Seat. Ready to instill that special “Big Brother is watching you” kind of paranoia that leads to a lifetime of scanning the skies for black helicopters and holing up in a remote compound with a small arsenal and a police scanner? Put your child in time-out here, and then walk away casually. Because if your little spawn tries to get up from the naughty seat, a weight sensor will set off an alarm and alert you. The accompanying photo shows junior throwing up his hands in surprise as he is outsmarted by this ingenious cushion. Believe me, he’s crying on the inside.
As the site promises, the Naughty Seat “ensures time out is taken seriously”. Very seriously. While I assume the Naught Seat makes some kind of beep or siren sound, it really sends a message. Something like, “Mommy/Daddy know what you are doing every second of the day. You can’t put one over on Mommy/Daddy, because we see all and know all. We can read your thoughts. We are in your most pleasant dreams and your worst nightmares. You cannot run away from us, nor can you hide. You may as well accept it, angel. You are ours for life. Mwah ha ha!” Now surround off-limits items like cookies with laser sensors and put a stun collar on your precious darling, and you can spend the afternoon reading magazines or blogs, relaxing in the knowledge that your child will be too terrified to take one step out of line.