After completing an abbreviated stint in rehab and reaching a divorce settlement with soon-to-be-ex Kevin Federline, Britney Spears took the next logical step for a newly single, young Hollywood mom: she filed papers to adopt 35 Russian orphans, ranging in age from 3 months to 16 years old, who are currently living in a remote Siberian village.
But in a shocking twist that has made headlines around the world, the children of Aпрель Rлупый Orphanage refused Brit's offer to adopt them as a family unit, and bring them to live at her Malibu mansion. Of the 35 children eligible for adoption, 21 are over the age of twelve, and though they have limited knowledge of who Britney is, they issued this statement (speaking on behalf of themselves, as well as the smaller children):
"We are grateful to Britney Spears for her offer to make adoptions on us. However, at this time we feel that we would live happier, healthier lives here in Siberia, where we have endless winter seasons. We thank Mother Britney for her donation of one metric ton of "Hot Flame Cheetos" food, which we understand to be very popular in America. We will use the Flaming foods to try to buy our way into suitable living homes here, or possibly outer Mongolia. We wish Mother Britney continued success in crazy pop rehab careers."
Britney's reps could not be reached for comment, but insiders say she is distraught by the children's refusal, and threatening to rescind her Cheetos donation unless they capitulate. I say try look on the bright side, Brit. Or, maybe in Antarctica... or Greenland?... Or...?
