The Parenting Conversation: Why Time Magazine Piece on "Hip Parents" Gets It Wrong
Near the middle of his piece, author James Poniewozik states: “The Howl of this movement is Neal Pollack’s new memoir Alternadad.” That comment is so fallacious as to border on dishonesty. Is Poniewozik unaware that Pollack’s book sparked something of a mini-riot among Babble’s readers and editorial staff? Or is he aware of it, but fears that pointing it up will spoil his narrative about the hipper-than-thou parent?
In branding his piece “Too Cool for Pre-school,” Poniewozik wants his readers to believe that all “hip parents” are cut from the same cloth. And that’s the problem with that absurd label. Few of us are trying to be “hip.” What we are is “offbeat”. Nontraditional. Postmodern. We are urban parents. We are crunchy granola parents, attachment parenting parents, environmentalist parents. We are rock ‘n roll parents. We are stay at home or work at home parents. We are gay, lesbian, bi and transgendered parents. We are nothing more or less than parents who, in some fashion, defy the traditional image of uptight cardigan-wearing Donna Reed clones who are perpetually alienated from modern culture.
And you wanna know something? We all – gasp! – like to talk to each other.
We enjoy sharing our experiences online. Why? Simple: because big media properties like Poniewozik’s employer have ignored us for years. With the explosion of the Internet and the blogosphere, we found a way to bypass the sugary sweetness and commercial plasticity of crap publications like Parents magazine, and directly connect with one another. For the first time, we were part of the parenting conversation; we had an outlet; we were no longer marginalized.
Does that make parental blogging “about us,” and not about our kids? Of course. But all narrative writing is about the author, and his or her unique window on the world. The same can be said about the work of David Sedaris. Or Augusten Burroughs. (And I would hope that the irony of Poniewozik writing an opinion piece dissing on other people’s narcissism is not lost on him.)
Poniewozik is right on one score: some of the worst writing and blogging in this genre is so much navel-gazing. I’ve decried that trend myself.
But therein lies the value of community. We all keep one another in
check. The
best parenting bloggers don’t simply tell stories about their kids:
like this recent posting by Dooce, they tell stories that serve as flash-points for conversation. And
damn, do we conversate. We bicker; we debate; we call each other on our
bullshit. We do more – much more – than marvel at the precious miracle
of our little Boopsie’s first steps. We
debate hot-topic issues like cervical cancer vaccines for teens, whether vaccinations cause autism, sex education, the grief of parents with stillborn children, and the merits and demerits of the family bed. We share tips on how to save money, spend more time together, and be better parents in general.
Pollack’s book was a noticeable flash-point in our recent history. But such debates happen on Babble and around the blogosphere every week, if not every day. And that’s what gets lost in one-dimensional, buzzword-heavy pieces like the Time article. Offbeat parenting on the Internet isn’t a monologue, as Poniewozik depicts it. It’s a conversation – a conversation that bequeaths upon us an embarrassment of riches. Move over, Dr. Spock: we have more information about good parenting at our fingertips than our own parents ever hoped to possess.
Why so many in the mainstream news media are so het up about that is beyond me. Then again, people react in bizarre ways when you threaten their monopoly on dialogue.
mmm.. nice design, I must say..
Our discussion continues as James Poniewozik responds to Babble’s contention that “We are nothing more or less than parents who, in some fashion, defy the traditional image of uptight cardigan-wearing Donna Reed clones who are perpetually alienated from
James Poniewozik, author of the much Babbled about “Too Cool for Preschool” piece in this week’s Time Magazine, kindly agreed to answer some of our questions about his problem with hip parent bloggers and writers. STROLLER DERBY: You seem concerned that
First, I know, I used the word “blogosphere.” I apologize. Second, in case you haven’t heard, James Poniewozick
What i don’t understand is how blogging about your child rearing experiences is any different than writing them down in cutesie-poo little baby journals… sure its more public but it also creates a community that is larger than your neighborhood park or momy and me class. Personally (as a nonblogger and parent to be who has been documeting this growing bump of mine) i think its great that people are out there who are willing to talk about the issues of the day that will effect our children and not just the adorable things their children do/say/swallow.
In the 8 months i have been pregnant, i have been labeled a hipster (by people who dont even know me) more than in any other time in my life, simply because of where i live and my own personal views on environmental/social/economic issues. But the reality is i am just a person trying to do better by my unborn than my parents did for me and my siblings- a dream that if i am not mistaken was and is shared by parents all over past and present; if that makes me a hipster than bring it on, maybe when i figure out how to i will blog about it!
Some dude at Time.com is ragging on parent bloggers for being narcissists with a skewed sense of priorities, more interested in making our offspring cool, and thereby remaining (or in my case, becoming) cool through their reflected hipness, then in the actual act of parenting. Now I proudly admit to being a narcissist, and an especially compelling, fascinating one at that, but otherwise, I think the article misses the mark.
I like to write online about what’s going on in my life, for my own amusement and for the entertainment of anyone who clicks on by. And what’s going on in my life now is parenting. I don’t write about the Lads in place of spending time with them; I write about them because I devote so much of myself to them. I find my sons endlessly amazing and amusing, and I’m just bursting with joy at their very existence. This is just an outlet for that. There’s a certain element of navel-gazing in blogging, but for now, I’m gazing at the Lads’ navels — and as any parent of two-year-olds knows, there’s nothing more interesting than a belly button.
First, I know, I used the word “blogosphere.” I apologize. Second, in case you haven’t heard, James Poniewozick
“Hipness” is really in the eye of the beholder.
Which is why my response didn’t concentrate on Babble, Catherine, but on the parenting blogosphere as such.
TIME and the establishment may be old-school but, whoa, it has your number! The story was hardly “about Babble,” people. Babble had a tiny mention in the piece. Wasn’t this self absorbtion kind of the point of “The Parenting Conversation?”
Whatever, Athanasius. There’s a difference between being proud of who you are, and trying to be hipper-than-thou.
Dude,
I want you to take your hand off the mouse, read the bios of your fellow bloggers and then tell me again that you guys aren’t trying to be “hip.” There’s a bit of everything:
Lame irony mixed with “action sport” bona fides: “His hobbies include surfing, skateboarding, muttering under his breath, haggis tasting, macrame’, and writing short descriptions about himself in the third person.”
Actual description of physical manifestations of hipness: ” . . . is a tattooed, liberal, pottymouthed, undercover-hippie stay-at-home mama to two girls, Hazel, four, and Violet, nineteen months.”
Hip community name dropping: “near Seattle,” “San Francisco,” “the San Francisco suburbs,” etc.
You guys are hipsters. Just cop to it.
I think this is a generational thing, not a hip/unhip thing. We have more choices and take advantage of that.
Anyone who is in the minority or is different is going to be ignored and tossed aside-with no media outlets catering to their needs.
However, it’s when that minority rises up and creates a community (hello Civil Rights activists, Women activists, Gay rights activists) that people of the “safe” majority start to persecute and criticize that community-because there are strength in numbers, and let’s face it, large numbers can be scary.
Mr. Zero Boss has it right, we don’t try to be “hip” or cool.
I think the difference between “us” and “them” is that our kids don’t become our lives. They become a wonderful addition to our lives-contributing and enriching it in so many fabulous ways.
But we keep our cool clothes, our neato hairstyles, and our place in the city.
Most of us have realistic views on parenting and don’t make it out to be all baby powder poof and ribbons like most parenting magazines do.
I stand firm on my parenting views and anyone who wants to criticize them are open to do it. But before they waste their type/breath…I just want it to be known that I can’t hear them through the Zeppelin blasting through my iPod.
My sentiments exactly. The
I think your best point is true…we are not all the same.
It is not hip vs non hip….you can’t categorize people that easily and write people off.
Though I think he was on the mark with many things…but more about this generation compared to later than urban vs suburban.