Some wingnut non-profit in California is up in arms because food companies display fruit on their packages but don't actually include fruit in the product. Granted, that sounds bad. It would seem obvious that a box with a giant apple or cherry or strawberry on its cover would also include said fruit -- despite the fact the box also features a cartoon rabbit or a peg-legged pirate. But whatever.

"Parents are rushing through grocery stores with their kids, and a lot of them are relying on what they see on the front of the package. Most are too harried to read the fine print," said one of the non-profit people, who must believe Count Chocula earned his nutrition degree from somewhere.

I feel for these parents, I do. They want their kids to eat well, so instead of buying, say, fruit, they buy the box with the biggest picture of fruit on it. And it turns out there's no fruit inside at all. Oh the shame! So just which products are part of this deception? Which products are fooling parents? Which products are worthy of a four-month study?

Cap'N Crunch with Crunchberries, Airheads (taffy), Bubble Tape (gum), Fruity Cheerios, wild cherry Lifesavers, Fruity Pebbles, Ring Pops (suckers), Tang, Trix, Starburst, Kool-Aid Jammers. These are the supposed products that tout fruit but don't actually include it, according to the study. Huh?

Some moron spent four months on a study to tell me that Fruity Pebbles and Lifesavers aren't a reasonable substitute for real fruit? What sort of crackhead nutjob of a parent do you have to be to not realize that? I'm all for Cap'N Crunch, but I'm not going to replace apples with it, and I don't know any reasonable parents who would. Give me a break.