Being the mother of two young girls, I often find myself thinking about ways in which I can help them discover their inner bad ass. You know, get them in touch with their fighting instincts - or at least, their self-preservation instincts. Having spent the last few weeks watching "Freaks and Geeks" with my husband after the kids are in bed, I've been having painful flashbacks of the girls who used to push me around in junior high. Mean, bored, nasty girls. And how I let them push me around, because I was afraid to stand up to them. No inner bad ass whatsoever. I want my girls to be able to stand up for themselves better than I could.
Actually, truth be told, my 19-month-old has met her inner bad ass once or twice. Not six months ago she took an unsuspecting young thing in the sandbox down by the afro puffs. Her offense? Possession of Annie's Bunny Crackers. Having a big sister who is prone to picking on her, Violet has been tough stuff since she could sit up. But the 4 year old is far too like her old Ma when it comes to standing up for herself. Hazel's go-to defense is to run away crying. I think both girls may have a thing or two to learn from Violent Acres. Violent Acres' dad is an ex-marine, who taught her the basics of fighting a good fight:
*Always respond to threats with complete confidence. ("If he doesn't chicken out right then and there, he enters the fight with a slight feeling of unease.")
*Fighting Dirty is Fighting Smart ("There is no shiny trophy waiting for you at the end of this fight, so everything goes.")
*Talk Some Shit ("I'm going to eat your eyes!!!")
*When You Lose, Claim It Didn't Hurt ("No one wants to fuck with the crazy kid who feels no pain.")
I know right? Yikes. But just the thing I'll think of, if and when one of my babies comes home from school, carrying the weight of a bully on her shoulders. Stab and twist, girls. Stab and twist.
