Still No Word

On the First Day of Speech Therapy, Archer's Speech Therapist Gave to Me...

Straight from the Bottle — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 07:58:30 GMT

It's pretty amazing how long it took to finally get a speech therapist over here. Early Intervention may have been quick to throw assessors our way, but it's taken almost four months to get started with speech therapy. Four months, a thousand

re: Still No Word

pqbon — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 22:57:59 GMT

Rebecca this isn't directed at you in regards to Archer... this is directed at the we/my friend/etc. did nothing people...

For every 1 kid whose parents decided not to even investigate potential problems yet had everything turn out right, there are scads of family with the dirty little secret kid that needed help as a young child and would have been the better for it but didn't get that help and eventually becomes a lost cause. They are failed by their parents failed by the schools in part because their parents don't aggressively pursue help and eventually they feel failed by themselves. As a parent you can fell however you want, but you can't put your feelings above your children's well being. It sucks and is scary when you or others think there might be something wrong with your kid but you need to put their needs first. Feel scared, feel sad that your child may not be as perfect as you wished, but don't neglect the help that may allow them to be "perfect" later. My sister had problems learning as a kid but because she got help quickly and aggressively she went on to graduate both hs/university with honors. She is now getting her masters to do developmental training with Autistic kids.

She has been working with Autistic kids for 4 years now and the biggest problem she sees is parents ignoring the warning signs and recommendations from pediatricians until later when it is harder to fix and the kids are further behind the curve.

As for Archer, it never hurts to talk to a professional. If he needs help best get it now, if he doesn't then you don't have to worry about it.

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jennifer — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 03:17:25 GMT

my aunt didn't want to get help for my 5 year old cousin, either.

doodle was talking, but no one could understand a single word she said. my aunt said fuck you to all the people who suggested specialists, too (actually, she said, "bleep you!" because she's really that cute.).

but she did. and now daphne is actually communicating with the world. there wasn't anything wrong, she just needed a different teacher.

good for you. it's hard, but you really are the only one who knows best. good luck.

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Allie — Wed, 27 Jun 2007 23:32:17 GMT

OK, first, I didn't talk until I was almost three, and when I did, it was in complete sentences (my mom LOVES to tell that story).

Second, my cousin's son had some trouble with words when he was your son's age, he also hated wearing shoes and was very picky about foods. Now, I'm not saying your son has this at all, but he was diagnosed with a mild form of apraxia. My cousin worked hard with him, he's now 7, can talk to me in complete sentences on IM and is one of the brightest, smartest, chatty-est kids I've ever met.

Basically, don't worry a bit. Therapy ain't that bad. ;)

Also, love your writing, you have a very refreshing style. I hope I'm a cool mom too. :)

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Mandi — Wed, 27 Jun 2007 02:02:58 GMT

You are powerful with your words and I know you have had several comments on this subject becase it is a touchy one and so close to all of us who are mother and/or work with chidren.

Becoming a mother was the scariest most rewarding thing in my life. The scariest part about it is that you are going to F up another human being. It is a huge responsibility that nobody should take lightly. The fact that you are a conscientious mother gives you one up on so many out there. I think you have a powerful instinct that you have to have faith in.

I have a friend who gave birth to her son at 26 weeks. He shouldn;t have lived. He was 1 lb. 14oz. at birth and have a multitude of problems. Every step of the way she was there making the decision that could have ultimately cost him his life, from pushing for surgeries to opting out of surgery when the dr thought she should. She stood up to a surgeon and called him on his ego because he wanted to give him surgery for a eye disease that he might develop. Guess what, she was right and he didn't develop the disease. My point is that as mothers we know.

Archer appears to be a happy well adjusted child. My son is almost two and not really talking either. He is my 3rd and my other two were speaking in sentences by 18 months or earlier. My pediatrician told me if he understands me and can follow directions than I souldn't worry. All of them are different.

There is such a bar that your child has to reach in our society now. Our kid has to be reading novels, playing an instrument and speaking another language by the ripe old age of 5. It scary the amount of pressure we put on ourselves to keep up with these expectations. I am all for your school of thought about living and enjoying life. Not to use a cliche, but it's true, it's the blink of an eye. In the big picture, a late speaker will end up in relatively the same place as the early ones.

If it is autism you are worried about then know that there are plenty of activities and support groups avaiable out there that can actually improve his condition and ease your mind.

I wish you all the luck in your journey.

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Gef the talking mongoose — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 22:14:52 GMT

About the talking thing, I strongly suggest you get him checked by a therapist for your own peace of mind.

I used to teach autistic kids so I understand why you're worried about Archer being fascinated by spinning things. However, most boys (and not a few girls) like spinning objects. It sounds like your boy makes good eye contact and is affectionate. Most autistic kids start out with a few words and then lose them.

If he doesn't stare at his wiggling fingers, twist away from you when you try and hug him and have serious problems sleeping, I'd guess he isn't autistic.

I wonder if his hearing is OK? Does he make other sounds that aren't speech to get what he wants?

From his pictures and your descriptions, he sounds like a great, smart kid. You'll feel a lot better if you have more information.

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SarahH — Fri, 15 Jun 2007 14:46:20 GMT

My sister was a late talker and she even had to be held back from kindergarten because when she finally started talking she was completely unintelligible. She’s now 25, about to get married and start medical school at one of the best universities in the country. There’s little that’s “normal.” You seem like a great mom and Archer will talk when he’s ready.

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fortunecookies — Fri, 15 Jun 2007 12:32:48 GMT

My son was two June 6th. He only say's mama and up. Sometimes mama is just mmmmmmm. I was worried he might be autistic because he does the spinning in circle, not social, etc. My mom came to visit for his b-day (she is a nurse) and I confessed my worries. She watched him for a few days and said, "No way, although he does 10 things autistic kids do, these are choices he makes. Just like not wanting to say hello or wave to people are choices he makes. I don't think I would call him shy because he doesn't hide behind me, he chooses not to be all up in the mix for social situations. He is more of a watcher than a joiner. I have been knocking myself out for a while trying to get him to speak more so that I wouldn't have to tell his ped he still isn't talking. Now I feel a little better after having my mom verify what I felt all along, he is fine.

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Marissa — Fri, 15 Jun 2007 02:24:24 GMT

I am sorry that you're in this position. As a mother and a speech-language clinician that works with young kids I have seen many AMAZING moms that are doing just what you are right now. DO NOT think for a hot second that there is any blame or responsibility that lies upon your shoulders. It is a fact that kids develop speech at highly variable rates. Some are "early" and some are "late". It matters not in the end. However, that said, it is never a bad idea to keep tabs on these things and seek the advice of a professional when in question. The speech-language pathologist should not ( better not) judge or lecture. Our job is to assess communication skills and make reccomendations based on our findings. Why do you need this service??? Well, because much like I am not a writer you are not a child development expert. You ARE an ARCHER development expert and the SLP ought to treat and consult you accordingly. NEVER should you feel like you are a bystander in this process. You should be an active, crucial member of the assessment protocol and that is how you continue to be what you are right now:an amazing Mom that does whatever is best for her beautiful boy. I hope that all goes well.

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Rosa — Thu, 14 Jun 2007 01:19:47 GMT

Our Daughter was born at 27 weeks. I'm happy to report

she is a fiesty 9 year old! Who is reading at a 4th grade level.My little moonbeam did not speak until 3 years old!!!

and when she did, i had no clue what the hell she was

babbling about. So technically she didn't speak until age 4.

She would say leto leto le toto.

Translation: Twinkle twinkle litle star!!

Her personality has been the same through out.

She is quite the observer who will not attempt something

until she is sure of herself. Honestly i did worry. We did the basics test such as hearing and vision. Everything was fine.Same thing with reading I was told she was slow etc..

What ever!!! It takes her a minute sometimes a lot longer, but once she gets it she gets it. Trust yourself when it comes to your son.

Your with him everday. You'll know when it's time to call

the doctor or therapist... thanks for letting me share.

~Rosa

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felicia — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 04:56:45 GMT

Motherhood, who knew it a little person could bring us so much joy and so much sorrow all in the same breath.

I believe that you are right and he is on his own path. I was didn't start talking till I was 3 and when I did, it was full sentences.

Listen to your gut, becuase you are the mom. And listen to the Drs, but always listen to yourself. It will work out. BIG BIG HUGS!!!!

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Sheri — Tue, 12 Jun 2007 18:53:03 GMT

We ALL have perfect babies. Gifts. They all are wonderful. I have 3...that said, all of them were slow talkers. One is autistic. One is in special education preschool. The other attended spec. ed. preschool, and he is going to kindergarten--ahead of most of the kids in his class. With an IQ of 110.

What they needed was a push in the right direction. What I needed was some advice and ideas on how to get them there. Therapy provided both. My oldest was diagnosed at 3 with autism so the "early intervention" path wasn't one we did. The other two received infant-3 year old early intervention services. And they are thriving.

You need to do your homework on what to expect from the "testing" how it is administered, and understand why they do what they do. It sucks. Really, to hear your perfect baby is "solid" 19 months in one area and "solid" 24 months in another. The testing is more like playing to see if he can do certain things. And you will be questioned to see if he has done some others.

And if it helps any, my son's speech therapist told me that if your son isn't talking but understands simple directions and seems to comprehend what you are saying, he should be just fine. Comprehension is much more important than actual verbalization at his age.

Best of luck to both of you. Quit worrying, do the testing, everything will be fine no matter what the outcome.

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GirlsGoneChild — Tue, 12 Jun 2007 03:31:27 GMT

Thank you all so much for you comments. They mean a lot and all of your stories are both a comfort and a relief. I appreciate all of you for every word. If I could call and thank each and every one of you I would. The best to all of you and your little ones.

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Allyson — Tue, 12 Jun 2007 02:57:30 GMT

My almost 10 year old daughter was diagnosed with autism at the age of 3. As soon as I saw what you had written I wondered if that is what you're afraid of. I hope your fears are groundless and that he's just taking his time. My daughter has grown up with Dr.'s, thereapists, a whole world of "ists", techs, aides, etc. Plenty of times I feel like bundling us off to raise goats in the mountains of Mexico and just say screw all of this. Wishing you the best.

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Michelle (nydancer226) — Tue, 12 Jun 2007 02:57:19 GMT

We're currently waiting for an evaluation for our 18 month old son who isn't walking on his own yet. I feel the exact same way you do. He'll get there on his own time...he's just stubborn like his parents. I do believe though, even through my stubborness, that if they do find that he needs the therapy, that it's for his own good and it could only help him in the long run. It doesn't help me from thinking that it should be ME that teaches him how to walk on his own and not a stranger. I feel like I'm not doing my job correctly and now someone else is being brought in to do it right. Thanks for making me not feel alone in this process.

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Sara — Mon, 11 Jun 2007 23:28:32 GMT

I feel your pain. My 2 year old son (Feb 2005) has one word, mama, and he doesn't use it correctly. His sister was speaking sentences and telling stories at this age. But I, like you, believe he'll come into his own when he's ready.

At our last appt, we received the phone number like you. I made the call. They are coming to evaluate him in two weeks.

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AmyinMotown — Mon, 11 Jun 2007 22:08:51 GMT

You're doing the right thing by having him evaluated. There probably isn't a problem, but if there is, much much better to get it handled now, while he's still so young. There are certain parts of my personality I have to struggle to get past because it's the right thing for my daughter, and MAN it sucks but it's not about us anymore, it's about our kids and doing the best we can for them.

I hope this will be comforting--we went through the same thing with my daughter. Had her hearing evaluated, and had the appointment for the speech evaluation. Like a week before, she started to talk a blue streak and has not stopped, and she's totally caught up with her peers over the last few months. We canceled the evaluation. It's so delightful to hear that little voice talk to me --it was like she always COULD but didn't.

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TokyoRose — Mon, 11 Jun 2007 21:05:48 GMT

Aww, I'm sure he'll be fine. Boys don't always talk as much as girls, and when they average the sexes' various talk dates together, sometimes it makes boys who talk later look abnormal.

I can tell how nervous you are, but please remember that the therapist coming to your house, and any other specialists you have to deal with, are NOT out to make you feel stupid or like a bad parent. It's really easy to get upset with people like that, because you're convinced they've "labeled" your kid or treat him like a clinical case, but trite as it sounds, they really do want to help. All of them trained long and hard because they like children and want to make sure they grow up as healthy and cared for as they can. So even if you're scared, remember that you're the best mother you can be, and that "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent" (thanks, Eleanor Roosevelt!). In other words, you might read more into what someone says than they meant because of everything you've got built up in your head. That's happened to me more than once!

Plus, if Archer sees that his mom is averse to something like authority, that will make him resistant as well. And while we don't want our kids turning out to be little zombies to the Man, you're not doing him any favors by teaching him to spit in the eye of everyone who wields some level or another of power.

He's adorable, by they way! Those eyes will be breaking hearts in a very few years...

Feel free to tell me to go to hell, as always. I have opinions and a smart mouth, but I've finally grown up enough to know that not everyone will plop adoringly at my feet and drink it all in... :-)

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jjlibra — Mon, 11 Jun 2007 20:46:24 GMT

I am a preschool teacher and have been there for many parents who have felt the way you have. But watching others go through it and actually going through it are two different things. I have always wondered why they were surprised when I mentioned what I saw or why they didn't actively pursue help for their child. You put their thoughts into words for me. Thank you.

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Jessica — Mon, 11 Jun 2007 18:47:40 GMT

It is going to be ok.

My son was speech delayed too.

I went through the Orange County Regional Center. T

hey came did an assesment in the home then had me go to a therapy clinic to be assessed for speech and Physical Therapy. We opted for just Speech therapy and I forced the issue of home base therapy instead of center.

The programs through the regional center are free and they cover up to 3 years old at which point if you want he can be transfered and reassesed by the school system. I didnt transfer to the school system at 3 b/c I didnt want him to have a special needs record going into school.

But my experience with the Regional Center was great and they were very helpful.

The one thing you have to remember is that only you can be your childs advocate so stand up and do it...dont let anyone else be that for your child. If you need some one local in so cal to talk about this with I would be honored to help you through. It is not easy but you will get through it.

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Mom2Two — Mon, 11 Jun 2007 17:51:13 GMT

I stay away from growth charts and lists of "shoulds" because all they do is make me worry. Unneccesarily. I think the best thing any mother can do is to follow your instinct. That goes both ways. Insist on therapy or specialists or whatever if you think it is needed, even if your doctor doesn't. Yanno, he might just be one of those kids who suddenly starts talking in complete sentences when he feels like it. *hugs*

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BabyCakies — Mon, 11 Jun 2007 16:53:59 GMT

Regardless of the outcome of testing, Archer will always be the same Archer you've loved and watched grow. Even if therapists and specialists give him labels and set goals for treatment, your relationship with him need not change. Your ability to accept him as he is will get you far regardless of whether he needs help to jump those developmental hurdles. Now is a good time to know it's okay to need a little help (we all do!), but you will always be the biggest expert on your child.

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bbbgmom — Mon, 11 Jun 2007 16:41:50 GMT

Virtually everything I read from you moves me - to laugh or cry or something! So enriching. I don't know if I've even posted before, but this one inspired me ... My eldest is nine - crawled just before turning one, walked at 16?17? months... Doc said, "He's probably OK, just won't be an athlete.. har har har." (I could have slapped that good ol' boy.) Not because I needed my son to be an athlete, but his condecension playing into my deepest fears... Fast forward - kid plays little league - quite well, even.

Neither of my older two kids said words until brink of two. I grew so incredibly sick and tired of reading Babycenter and Parentsplace and whoever else's stern proclamations: "child should say "mama" by one year and have ten words by fifteen months" or whatever. And all the crowing mommies on the message boards: "Britney said "Mama Drink" today! Lukey said "Dada home!"" My kids would laugh like maniacs when one of us came in the room, but sure as hell didn't call us mama or dada for a long, long time.

Preschool shopping - church lady asks my boy "what is your name?" Boy stares at her, looks at me, grunts. Church lady stares at me, shakes head. She tells me they expect the children to "carry on polite conversation." ???? Nope, we didn't choose that one!

Go with your gut. Intuition is amazing. You are right - Archer is PERFECT. What a sweetie. What a handsome boy - such a little love. Take care...

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Kelly — Mon, 11 Jun 2007 16:13:49 GMT

Very powerful writing. I say go with your gut - your beautiful Archer is fine. My son was born with a prominent Occiput (a football-shaped head really) that didn't resolve until he was nearly a year. I was sent to many a specialist who suggested it may be symptomatic of a learning disability. I just knew in my heart he was fine - I knew it. Finally I met the pediactric neurosurgeon who said "ya - he has a funny-shaped head, that will probably change if he gets older and if not he has great hair."

He is 19 months now, his head is normal and he is perfect.

So is Archer - you know that. Trust yourself and your gut.

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Lin — Mon, 11 Jun 2007 15:42:29 GMT

I know you hear this alot, but you truly have a wonderful gift with words. You have a way of just making me read your thoughts as though you are speaking to me in person. After reading this my first thought was how I wish I could just give you a hug. :)