HELP! I'm a Co-Sleeping, Baby-talking Attachment Parent!

re: HELP! I'm a Co-Sleeping, Baby-talking Attachment Parent!

branwyn — Sun, 18 Jan 2009 05:09:40 GMT

I read the articles, wasn't going to co-sleep, baby will sooth himself etc. Then he came home from the hospital....He'd been sleeping by himself in the hospital for 4 1/2 months (he was born at just under 24 wks gestation), but when he got home he had to sleep on us to help with his reflux. Afteer a couple of months he slept by himself in his crib then came teething...

To make a long story short (too late) I too wear my miracle around town, I type one handed as drool coats my chest from my cuddling sleepy son, & I think ; labels or no we must be doing something right.

When they want indeoendance we"ll give it but until then enjoy the babyhood!

re: HELP! I'm a Co-Sleeping, Baby-talking Attachment Parent!

Breeder — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 21:08:09 GMT

Ummm, your parenting philosophy was "let the baby adapt to you" is it possible that you just grew up a bit?

I guess what I'm trying to say is when you became a parent with Archer you were in a different place in life and therefore had different (untested) theories about parenting. Now with Fable you are the experienced veteran with three years of motherhood under her belt, thus you realize that babies are not accessories.

AP or not, your children seem to be loved very much so.

re: HELP! I'm a Co-Sleeping, Baby-talking Attachment Parent!

Lila — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 18:12:17 GMT

why do we feel that we need to label our parenting, anyway? I don't get it. Just do what works.

re: HELP! I'm a Co-Sleeping, Baby-talking Attachment Parent!

lesley — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 19:54:15 GMT

archer's face is the best - he totally throws you that "my mom is from another planet" look.

re: HELP! I'm a Co-Sleeping, Baby-talking Attachment Parent!

tiffer — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 13:10:13 GMT

It happened to me on accident too. I was totally taken off guard with my first son. Turned out the boy only slept for 20 minute stretches unless he was next to me, he nursed non stop and only napped on my person. We do what we have to do to make our lives sane. The boy was in our bed until he was about 20 months old, then we gradually weaned him into his own bed. I never expected to do that, ever. But it turned out that we really liked it. Now we're expecting our second. I'll be interested to see how this one turns out.

It's ok to embrace it. They're only little once. And you don't have to call it anything either.

re: HELP! I'm a Co-Sleeping, Baby-talking Attachment Parent!

Kera — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 18:56:20 GMT

Maybe you're treating her differently because she's a girl.

re: HELP! I'm a Co-Sleeping, Baby-talking Attachment Parent!

steph — Sat, 03 Jan 2009 15:07:00 GMT

My love and I just had our first baby, Cedar. He is amazing! And we have found ourselves surprised by our co-sleeping (well....SLEEPING is a stretch....but that's another story) and extreme baby wearing styles.

My only wish is that we lived in a more tribal setting, that is, not so isolated in our little box homes. I think that would make all the difference for those of us who embrace this style of parenting our babies, which so much energy and time, yet is so worth it!

And, if anyone has tips on how to get a baby to SLEEP while co0sleeping, do share!

re: HELP! I'm a Co-Sleeping, Baby-talking Attachment Parent!

Jenny — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 03:24:11 GMT

I prefer to think of it as "instinctive parenting". Attachment Parenting, to me, sounds like they're trying to encourage an *unnatural attachment*. I raise my son pretty much by AP standards, but that's not by design - I'm just going with my motherly instincts.

Of course, I find it's best to ignore those labels anyway. Whatever works best for a baby and his/her parents is generally the best thing to do, right?

re: HELP! I'm a Co-Sleeping, Baby-talking Attachment Parent!

cocosmalls — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 01:21:02 GMT

i love archer's super dope spinny spin like a runway model.

re: HELP! I'm a Co-Sleeping, Baby-talking Attachment Parent!

Mirinda — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 13:40:28 GMT

That is definitely attachment parenting. With my first two children I did NOT do attachment parenting. They both slept through the night in their cribs by 3 months old by way of crying it out. (I let them sleep wherever the crap they would the first few weeks however)

When my 3rd came along I knew he was my last. I agree, we change as Moms. We become more relaxed and also realize how fleeting the "baby time" is. I was so happy and content when Drew was born even though I also had a TWO and THREE year old in the house! I had that baby on me all day and he slept right beside or in the bed with me forever. Now, it got a bit old once he hit a year and wouldn't do anything without me, including sleep. The first time he slept through the night: 18 months. I thought I would die because I NEED MY SLEEP like I need air. But I wouldn't change it. He is a Mama's Boy but not in a bratty way and is precious. He is now growing into a little man (about to be 4) and becoming more independant. Makes me even more happy about keeping him close to me as long as I did...even though I was very tired for a long, long time :)

re: HELP! I'm a Co-Sleeping, Baby-talking Attachment Parent!

Angela — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 03:08:09 GMT

"Am I attachment parenting? Maybe. But I wouldn't call it that. (I didn't even know what "attachment parenting" was until my friend called me out!). I'd like to think of my co-sleeping, babywearing, babytalking ways as something that works RIGHT NOW for me and for Fable and for our family. It has nothing to do with my parenting philosophy or anything else. (My parenting philosophy happens to be: let the baby adapt to you. Go figure.)"

Rebecca- as a fellow "accidental" attachment parenting parent- all those reasons you listed... yeah, that's why AP parents do it. You are an attachment parent. You need to accept it! ;P Sounds like you definitely have a new parenting philosophy!

re: HELP! I'm a Co-Sleeping, Baby-talking Attachment Parent!

kayla — Sun, 21 Dec 2008 22:57:13 GMT

maybe because you know that this is IT for you - meaning no more babies in the house and because you do in fact know how very fast it does go, you might be holding on tighter to her. AND there is nothing wrong with that.

re: HELP! I'm a Co-Sleeping, Baby-talking Attachment Parent!

wendie — Sun, 21 Dec 2008 20:58:50 GMT

i say who care if its attachment parenting, not attachment parenting, right/wrong, or whatever. its your kid, do what you want. mom knows best! and don't forget it!

re: HELP! I'm a Co-Sleeping, Baby-talking Attachment Parent!

Ann — Sun, 21 Dec 2008 18:53:30 GMT

Do you EVER put your elbows down?

re: HELP! I'm a Co-Sleeping, Baby-talking Attachment Parent!

courtney — Sun, 21 Dec 2008 06:00:47 GMT

Could it be that Fable is different, becuase you are in a different place? You PLANNED Fable, from what I understand Archer (as much as you love him) was not planned, so you are probably more attatched. Plus like you said she is (hopefully) your last so there is that too.

re: HELP! I'm a Co-Sleeping, Baby-talking Attachment Parent!

Jojo's Mom — Sun, 21 Dec 2008 00:30:05 GMT

Ahh, Dr. Sears, see "The Baby Book". I literally wore my son for 6 months, until he grew out of the Bjorn, and then, well, he's 4.5 and I still can't leave a room without him following me. I was happier with my baby attached, he rarely cried, and I was able to finish law school and intern, so if it's working, then let it work.

re: HELP! I'm a Co-Sleeping, Baby-talking Attachment Parent!

mamie — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 21:50:09 GMT

it is so true about each child being different, this i can attest to as we have twins. they are both boys, both from the same uterus, made at the same time and different as night and day. one loves something one way,t he other does not. one lets us hold him a certain way the other another way. from the day they were born they ate and slept and cried differently and for different reasons. it is difficult to adjust our parenting sometimes to accommodate them (somehow they do not have seemed to get the whole adapt to us thing yet) but it is also fascinating to watch two totally different little people emerge, standing right by each other. you go with it, babywearing attachment parent to fable, it is what you both need and she looks amazing for it. happy holidays, i am loving that i found your blogs.

re: HELP! I'm a Co-Sleeping, Baby-talking Attachment Parent!

Adventures In Babywearing — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 18:24:53 GMT

For me, it's whatever gets me through the day and technically I would be an attachment parent... but I never knew there was anything negative about being that!

Steph

re: HELP! I'm a Co-Sleeping, Baby-talking Attachment Parent!

marissa — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 14:43:24 GMT

All I can say is, "if it ain't broke...."

My parenting philosophy is " whatever works". Happy Mom+happy baby=good.

All the best to your beautiful family.

re: HELP! I'm a Co-Sleeping, Baby-talking Attachment Parent!

kittenpie — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 05:14:17 GMT

I figure you take what parts of what styles work for you and your babe. I like parts of attachment parenting and not others, so fine. You don't have to swallow any book, philosophy, or label wholesale, right? So use what works. Call it freestyle parenting.

re: HELP! I'm a Co-Sleeping, Baby-talking Attachment Parent!

Expat Mom — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 05:12:24 GMT

Hey, if it works, why mess with it? I think the problem is when you don`t WANT the baby sleeping with you and that`s the only way she`ll sleep.

My kids were day and night different, so there`s that factor, too. My first was 100% "hands off, don`t touch me, lady, I`m good on my own" and the second? Opposite. So, if it`s working for the two of you, enjoy it!

re: HELP! I'm a Co-Sleeping, Baby-talking Attachment Parent!

Amanda — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 05:03:42 GMT

Jack was the same as Fable. He had to be on me *at*all*times*. Or he'd explode.

I don't think you're an 'attachment parent'. I think you're Fable's mom, and right now Fable wants to be all dressed up in you (I've been listening to Belle and Sebastian all week...again). I'd just embrace it since she won't fit into the Bjorn forever, and 'attachment parent' taunts will seem like the golden age.

re: HELP! I'm a Co-Sleeping, Baby-talking Attachment Parent!

rebekah — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 04:52:13 GMT

Well I'm a new mom and here is a thought: OMG - a brand new baby attached to her MOMMY? How terrible! By all means, dump the kid in the crib and be on your way. I think it's wonderful you sleep with your baby and she hangs with you - right now I have my 5 week newborn on my chest as I try to type this ( i loved yoru one handed blog by teh way...) When I was being neurotic about co sleeping (aagh - I don't want to crush my baby but he only sleeps in the crook of my arm, what do...) the nurse pointed out we are about the only country on earth with all these hang ups about babies being INDEPENDENT. Of course they are dependent, attached, permanetly super glued to our boobs - the are BABIES, that's what they are supposed to do. They are 21 and away at college, they will have their whole lives to be grown up and un-attached. In the whole scheme of things, they have like 1 minute in the span of life to be all snuggled close. So I say, squeeze that baby close and don't doubt yourself for one sec. You seem like a great mom and your blogs have been a life saver for me through my pregnancy and leap into motherhood. Every one of your columns reinforces my own questions / struggles / crazy mom & baby experiences and that is so reassuring. Because, randomly, motherhood can feel very isolating, lonely, and scary even in all its wonderfulness - and we moms need each other so we can laugh about random nightmares of our nipples splitting open, or carrying around a tea cup all over the house with a nipple shield all day, etc. Okay, done rambling. I say: attachment GOOD.

re: HELP! I'm a Co-Sleeping, Baby-talking Attachment Parent!

hoppytoddle — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 04:32:17 GMT

Yep. I think that's why I had so much trouble with my career after becoming a mom. All the labels are so ridiculous & confining & patronizing. Just do what works. When it stops working, change it. You can't worry about the things you can't do anything about & as far as I know there ain't no flex capicitor, yet. You've been saying how happy you are & how happy Fable is. The only one who seems a bit miffed from time to time is Archer, & he's a big boy. He knows he's loved. Don't worry about the labels.

re: HELP! I'm a Co-Sleeping, Baby-talking Attachment Parent!

Ashley — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 04:23:02 GMT

omgawd. if i'm like this with my first....what the hell is it going to be like with number 2. or 3. oh nos!