I Know What We'll Do Next Summer

GirlsGoneChild — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 18:45:00 GMT

Okay so about the whole second baby thing. We're kind of nowhere near ready. Then again, we weren't even close to being even a tiny bit next to nowhere near ready with Archer so maybe that doesn't matter so much.

That being said, we've decided after months and a cazillion hours of contemplation that next summer seems like a good time to remove the contraceptive and Whoop! There it is! ... Or if you will/ in the words of today's TTC** couples: we're going to "try"...

Archer turns three next May, so if all goes as "planned" Archer and #2 will be four years apart, which seems like a really big gap to me but there's no way in H-E-Double Hockey Sticks we can get me pregs any sooner. I would be a walking disaster-zone with all that's going on. Shit, I'm a walking disaster-zone, anyway.

(Archer as an only child.)

I've been weighing the pros and cons against my own childhood: my brother, David and I are 2.5 years apart and it was awesome for us as kids. We were BFF for years and even though we had a love-slump in High School we're OMG totally BFF! again, now that we're adult-ish people. My sister, Rachel and I have seven years between us which is a lot. And it kind of sucks because I never really got to know her like I wish I did. I moved out when she was eleven. There was very little borrowing of clothes or bonding over boys. And that would have been nice. To have that. I want Archer to have that. I want him to have a built-in BFF or at the very least, someone to bounce ideas off. Someone to talk shit about Hal and I with when we're acting lame and annoying and "Gosh! Our parents are such tools!"

That's important. To have that.

(Archer with "Emily," a doll we picked up at Rite Aid so we could sample life as a family of four. We're weird.)

Of course, I'm totally torn between wanting Archer to have a sibling close-ish in age and being waaaaay overwhelmed by the thought of having another kid. Twenty-seven with two kids seems insane to me. And then there's the whole possibility of having twins, which run like water in my family. Triplets, too. Oy to the Vey. We'd likely have to move, pretty soon-after which means automatic $1,000 more in rent. At least. And I'd need to hire part-time help, most likely. And, yeah...

Honestly? I have no idea how people plan kids. This shit is hard and totally confusing.

But then Archer does something like offer his rice cakes to his friend, or light up when he meets a new child and I think to myself, "fuck it, let's just do this. Let's knock me up and give Archer a homie to roll with..."

(Archer sweetly observes Kennedy, whose mom is like a sister to me, which would almost make them cousins if we didn't live eight hours away... Poop.)

So we will. We are. Going to get pregnant. Soon. Summer, 2008: ~~Coming to a theatre near you~~. Or something. Ish. Yeah. Holy balls. That's, like, tomorrow.

Any words of ~~warning~~ encouragement from those versed in the two-baby thang would be much appreciated, i.e. how did you decide it was time to "go again"? What do you think is the ideal age difference? I'm all ~~fears~~ ears.

***

*heh.

**Trying to conceive

Planned Parenthood?

GirlsGoneChild — Mon, 21 May 2007 06:56:00 GMT

I'm pretty sure I read somewhere that 96% of pregnancies are unplanned. Okay, so I totally just made that up but thus far, I have only known two people who planned on getting pregnant. The rest of us ~~were just a bunch of crazy whores who~~ just slipped up a bit with our contraception.

Nothing says "take birth control" like accidentally getting pregnant. The day I left Cedars Sinai I had two things with me, my new baby boy and a year's prescription for whatever that birth control pill is that you can take while breastfeeding. There was no way in hell I was going to get pregnant again. At least not on accident.

Two years later and I haven't missed a pill once. I'm a dynamo when it comes to birth control. I'm waaay on top of my shit and frankly, a little confused as to what was so damn difficult for me before. Swallowing a pill every night before bed is hardly rocket science. I managed to swallow all sorts of *other* pills no problem.

But I digress... the thing about unplanned pregnancies is that you never have to plan them, because seriously, when is a person ever ready to have a baby? I'm certainly not even close to being ready to parent and I have a two-year-old!

For me, an unplanned pregnancy was the only way I would ever become a mother. Just like getting married on a whim in Vegas was the only way I would have ever walked down the aisle. So in a way I am grateful for being irresponsible and insane. Because nothing good has ever come out of anything planned. Not for me, at least. Screw, It's a Small World. I want Mr. Toad's Wild Ride.

I like to be surprised and spontaneous and random and impulsive and romantic. And let me tell you, trying to figure out the best time for having a baby is none of those things. Not even close.

First comes practicality:

"How about we start "trying this fall" That way, I'll most likely be fashionably pregnant on my book tour which will be appropriate since my book is about pregnancy and motherhood! I'll be the personification of myself!"

"We have some pretty crazy expenses happening around the bend. Let's wait until we settle our car leases before you go off the pill."

"Next summer looks like it's going to be pretty busy, work wise. Maybe we should shelve the whole second-kid thing until 2010. THEN we'll be ready. Financially. Emotionally. Right?"

Then comes ambivalence:

"I can't be pregnant on my first book tour! I don't want to be the pregnant chick at the bar, swigging club soda while the crowd pounds Jaegermeister!"

"If we have two kids, does that mean I will need a bigger car? Does that mean I will have to drive a mini van or an SUV? Because if that's the case..."

"Screw 2010, how about 2020? Archer will be in College by then. It's the PERFECT time!"

....

So where does this leave us? Very confused. Because we do want another baby. We just also want a lot of other things, and I don't know if that will ever change. I certainly hope not. Wanting things is what moves life forward. Having goals and dreams and reaching for the ring on the carousel is one of the reasons we get on in the first place.

I am well aware that one does not need to clear her schedule to have a baby. I certainly didn't, but that was because I had no choice at the time. It happened. But making it happen? Planning something so huge is almost too much for me to handle. I seriously don't know how people do it. Because, fuck it! If we're going to wait until 2010, why not wait until 2020?

Maybe because we won't be ready then either. Because there will be new book tours and car leases and endless jobs, and if not those then other things. Because it's always something, isn't it?

I'm starting to think our best bet is for us to call off the whole "planning of the pregnancy," and go back to being irresponsible.

It certainly worked the first time.

***

Straight from the Bottle : planning pregnancy

I Know What We'll Do Next Summer

Planned Parenthood?