A Week in Photographs

GirlsGoneChild — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 16:39:00 GMT

First of all, I'd like to start by congratulating Babble's one and only Oz Spies for her brand new baby boy! As the only Babble personal blogger with a son, I admit I was rooting for some more testosterone up in this piece. Congratulations Oz and family. Ah, babies. Little teensy tiny babies. I want one. I do. Another one. It's true. But I'll get to that at a later date because this post set out to be a slideshow of sorts. Focus, Rebecca. Fo. Cus.

Okay, so last time we spoke twas the eve of Halloween. Here is Archer posing in his Rubber Ducky costume (he makes bathtime so much fun) :

Obviously, twas a family affair:

From left to right: Hal as Bert, Archer as Rubber Ducky and me as ~~a crackhead clown~~ Ernie

Here's a little secret: when the cameras are off and the gaffers have all gone to bed, Bert and Ernie push their E B twin beds together and ~~make babies~~ give each other jade rock massages.

After Halloween came a reunion of sorts with one of my oldest friends and her daughter, who is a whopping eight months younger than Archer and is so far advanced it's almost silly. She poops on the potty. She chews gum. She even complimented my makeup. Swear. Archer watched her in awe a good most of the afternoon:

They played all day long...

And it was lovely:

Such a trip to get together with an (old) friend in our old neighborhood with our (new) kids. How the hell did that happen? Seriously. Crazytown USA...

Later in the week there was the tantrum at the Self Realization Fellowship Botanical Gardens. Nothing says meditation like a screaming child being dragged out by his ankles. (Yeah. That wasn't fun.)

Then there were the pigeons. Chasing them was cute at first until Archer figured out a way to bribe them with some left-over day-old bagel, only to trap them and throw sand in their eyes. The animal activist inside of me winced until I remembered that pigeons kind of suck.

Good times were had by all, though, I must say. Life is good. Hope everyone's Halloween was spooky-awesome..

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One Friend Is All You Need

GirlsGoneChild — Fri, 13 Apr 2007 20:38:00 GMT

It takes a lot for women to make friends. It does for me, at least. Always has.

In third grade, the girl I always thought was my best friend paid "the new girl" two whole dollars to play with me. Her name was Susan.

I overheard the whole thing. The transaction between my friend and Susan in the bathroom. They didn't know I was in there, in stall #3 peeing with my feet up, so no one would notice my white Keds and pink socks with the pom-poms on the heel. So no one would laugh at the tinkle sound I made when I peed. I was so afraid of being ridiculed. Because in those days I was ridiculed for everything.

I pretended that I didn't know anything about what happened. I played with Susan on the playground. We did laps around the grass area and talked about her old school and I waited until I got home to cry.

Knowing that my friendship was worth the sum of a shitty hot lunch from the cafeteria was something I never really got over. Even when I became popular in High School there was always a looming feeling of outcast. There was always a chance I could be sold again to the hypothetical new girl. I was always skeptical of friendships. Defensive. Waiting for the other shoe to drop.

After all, friendships made between teenagers and children have more to do with geography than anything else. I have a couple of friends I still speak to but most of them disappeared after graduation. That's kind of what happens-- The ebb and flow of convenience.

Friendships made between new mothers are very much the same. They are not friendships built on connection but rather, geography and age of children. Play dates seldom happen between three-month and three-year olds who live hours away. Not usually.

I have met dozens of amazing friends (who are also parents) online. I presume, many of you who are reading now. But it isn't so easy in the real world. The Internet is a great place to meet, but it's a relationship unfulfilled. There are no virtual playdates. No double-kisses. No whispering.

For almost two years I tried to meet mothers I liked. Women I liked, separate from the fact they were mothers. I've gone to the classes. And sing-a-longs. And the park. Mommy-and-Me and Baby Disco and storytime at the library but I was never able to meet anyone with anything I had real things in common with besides being a mother. And for me that just wasn't enough.

I met Charlotte last Fall. Her son, Jackson is Archer's age and we started making frequent play dates when she moved to my neighborhood several months ago. She was local. And her son was the same age. And she was cool. Someone I felt comfortable with. She soon became my closest mommyfriend, and we met several times a week for play dates and Pinkberry runs and evening strolls around the sprinkler-saturated residential blocks of Hancock Park.

Yesterday, while we were texting each other back and forth about fishnet stockings and patent leather Mary-Janes, it occured to me that I didn't just make a mommyfriend, I made a friend and that indeed, there is a difference. I realized that there was a lot more to being with her than giving Archer a playmate. That she was someone I really felt comfortable with. Someone I confided in. Confessed to. Wanted to meet up with on the weekends with or without our sons. Someone I talked with about everything, from dark secrets to fashion advice. Someone who I had something in common with besides the fact we both had toddler sons and lived within walking distance.

It's rough out there. For city mothers and suburban mothers and country mothers I'm sure. No matter where you are and how popular you were in high school or college or at work, it is difficult to make new friends. It's tough to cross the line between mommyfriend and "friend." To trust someone you met on a message board or in a mommy-and-me class enough to put your feet down in stall #3, to risk being sold to Susan for $2.00 or whatever.

But when you finally break through that barrier? It's pretty cool.

Because although I haven't made many mommyfriends, since having Archer, I feel very lucky to have found a friend.

Finally.

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Straight from the Bottle : friendship

A Week in Photographs

One Friend Is All You Need