We Don't Need No Stinkin' Theme

GirlsGoneChild — Sat, 21 Apr 2007 20:37:00 GMT

Archer's 2nd birthday is coming up around the corner and apparently that's supposed to mean something to me. I'm supposed to be planning and booking and organizing and coming up with creative ways to celebrate. At least that's what I'm told.

"What are you doing for Archer's birthday?"

"Um. I dunno."

"Do you have a theme? A clown? Have you pre-ordered his cake?"

"Um. No."

For the record (and for those of you just joining Straight From the Bottle/unfamiliar with my other blog) Archer isn't exactly the most social of toddlers. He likes dirt. And rocks. And dogs. And running wild at the zoo. But parties? Not so much, so I'm a little annoyed by all the birthday fuss and feel like I'm some kind of traitor to mommy-culture for not feeling any excitement what-so-ever when it comes to birthday planning.

"Why should I plan a fancy shmancy birthday for my child when he will hate it?" I think. "Why should I invite every child I have ever met in Archer's age bracket when he has never even acknowledged them for a second?"

Right? Right?

It's kind of like the way I see weddings: a whole lotta money to get your friends loaded and feed them cold fish. Don't get me wrong, I love weddings. I love to go to them, to be a part of them (and I love all of my wonderful friends who have had them lately) I just never wanted one for me. Vegas was more my style. G-to the-Hetto. I'd much rather spend my parent's cash on world-travel and/or a down-payment on a house than on a day that includes "celebrate good times, COME ON!" blasting from the DJ booth. I'd rather not put that kind of pressure on my spouse or myself. (What if the marriage doesn't work out and you just spent your parent's life savings on a friggin cake with a plastic bride on top? Etc.)

And the same goes for birthday parties for uninterested toddlers.

Because Archer's birthday shouldn't be an excuse for me to impress my friends or family or anyone else. Archer's birthday should be a quiet laid-back time for playing in the sprinklers and jumping in mud puddles and doing the things that 2-year-olds REALLY enjoy.

So come one, come all! Join us for Archer's 2nd Birthday Party! Bring your whatever and we'll do whatever.

Because... whatever.

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The Big 2-1

GirlsGoneChild — Sat, 24 Feb 2007 04:48:00 GMT

Today Archer turns 21... months. Which means he's legally allowed to drink.... out of a cup. We're nearing year two of life, which means retiring the "months" for "years". I think. Actually, I'm having a hard time knowing what to say when people ask me how old Archer is...

A. Because I'm losing track

B. Because it's embarrassing and lame to say "20 months, two weeks, three days and 16 hours... Oh! And twelve minutes."

C. Because there is probably some sort of etiquette that I am completely missing.

D. Because honestly, no one really cares unless they TOO have a child so they can quietly (or not so quietly) compare who is more advanced for their age, and either gloat or feel like shit about it.

Right? Right?

So, yes. My dood is 21, today. But when I can drop the month thing and just round up? Perhaps it is time to say, "He'll be 2 in May?" or I suppose I could shrug nonchalantly and say, "Eh, almost 2. I think."

And this is where you, my lovely readers, come in:

A. When did you replace the "this-many-months" for the "this-many-years"?

B. How totally annoying is it when people are all, "Krystalynn is 35-months-old!"? (Or am I completely alone on this.)

C. Do you round up in age? Or do you just ignore people when they ask you?

D. When do "month birthdays" stop mattering? Am I lame to even announce that Arch turned 21...months?

Talk to me...

***

Straight from the Bottle : birthdays

We Don't Need No Stinkin' Theme

The Big 2-1