Straight from the Bottle : baby #2

Just the Two of Us... For Now

GirlsGoneChild — Sat, 02 Aug 2008 20:56:00 GMT

Hal and I decided several months ago to pull Archer out of school for a month before the baby is born (due early October). I really wanted to spend some time together, just Archer and me, before our family expansion. Expecting a second baby is a very different experience than expecting a first. With the second pregnancy, you expect a sibling as well as a new baby, and as much as I'm prepared with layette and bottles and the various accessories and baby needs, I must also prepare for my son's new role as brother.

I've been doing what I can to prepare Archer for what will be a change in our dynamic. It won't just be about him anymore and I'm very sensitive to that. I can still remember the feeling I had when my parents brought my little brother home from the hospital. I was a little younger than Archer when he was born and I can STILL remember the feeling seeing him for the first time. Suddenly, I wasn't the baby anymore. I was crestfallen.

I'm preparing for Archer to have similar feelings, although when asked about the baby he smiles and hugs my belly, calling his sister by name, kissing her/me softly. Even still, I know that there will be days when Archer will be jealous, bitter and angry. Because that's what happens when a new roommate moves in and a family of three becomes four.

Yesterday was our first day of ArcherMommyMonth and it was lovely. We met some friends for a playdate and Archer got a haircut (he asked for it, himself) and then we came home and had ice cream. Not so much an adventure as it was a mother-son date but it felt right and good and now I'm looking forward to the next few weeks: our last hoorah as partners in crime.

Archer sails on: Disneyland

I don't know if Archer will remember this month but I know I will -- I need this as much as he does -- time with my son, alone. Adventuring all over town. Museum hopping, beach-combing, park-playing and lots of softserve.

I posted the following video last December, two or so weeks before the new baby was conceived-- a collection of photos of Archer from 2007: an only child.

I've watched it several times in the last week -- and when I do, I cry like an insane person. Because as I've read before from fellow bloggers in my community, expecting a second child is not without its moments of mourning. Mourning the baby who will soon become the big brother. Mourning our time together alone, just the two of us: mother and son.

***

Baby Showers for Second Babes: Tacky or Fabulous?

GirlsGoneChild — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 04:18:00 GMT

Yesterday, over lunch, my fabulous friend and former roommate, Frank asked me if I was planning a baby shower.

"Oh, God no," I said. "For my second baby? That's just tacky."

"What!? You're crazy! You NEED a shower! You HAVE TO have a shower! It's a girl this time and you're going to need all new things! Oh, let me have one for you! Please! Please! Please! Please! Ahhhhhhpleaaaaaase."

"I don't know, dude. I've never even been to a shower for a second baby. It seems really inappropriate."

It wasn't until I said those words aloud that I realized maybe I didn't mean them. Maybe I was just saying that it seemed inappropriate because I felt like I had to. Because I didn't really know whether or not it was inappropriate or what it was. Like I said, I've never been to a second shower, before. But maybe that's just because most of my friends are kidless.

A baby shower has always seemed to me, a celebration of the exciting newness of parenthood, a rite of passage for mothers-to-be, surrounded by women (and gay best friends) to dote on them for an afternoon. It never seemed like a celebration of "Archer" per say. Or any baby for that matter.

In fact, having a second baby shower always seemed to me, equivalent to having a second bachelorette party for a second marriage. Kind of non-sensical, because, duh! I've been a mom for over three years, now. I know what I need and am pretty much prepared for a new baby. Wouldn't I be kidding myself to say that I'm not? To play games and accept advice from friends who have already been there done that for me at my first baby shower?

According to the various message boards I encountered in my google-quest for "second baby shower. yes or no?" I came across quite a few women who believed VERY strongly in the importance of a baby showers for every pregnancy. One woman, a mother of six proudly boasted of having had a shower for each of her children because, in her words "each pregnancy was different and special and one always needs new stuff..."

Frank would have agreed wholeheartedly with her. Me? Not so much.

I was more in agreement with "cynicalmom39" who said that "having a second baby shower is about as tacky as asking for money when you're already rich..."

Ouch. I take that back. I'm way too sunshine-and-raindrops to agree with something that blunt and mean-spirited. In all honesty, I'm probably somewhere smack dab in the middle of cynicalmom39 and showerhappymomof6. (My screen name would most likely be diplomomic27.)

diplomomic27 and 29weekbelly

"What if I have the shower for you at my house and we do something really mellow like a quiet gathering and everyone just gets drunk and you can watch us all get wasted and, like, put your feet up and open presents in pink boxes..." Frank was literally jumping up and down at this point, clapping his hands like a sea lion.

"God, you really know how to tempt me, don't you..."

But in all honesty? It did sound kind of fun. I told Frank I'd think about it as long as we said "no gifts" and invited a small group of friends and played light as a feather, stiff as a board or some equally non-showery games.

"This isn't a slumber party, Bec. It's a SHOWER!"

I told Frank I'd ~~ask my blog readers what they think and then get back to him with a decision~~ think about it and get back to him. And here I am, 24 hours later, straddling the fence between annoyed and excited by the prospect of another baby shower. And I have no idea what to tell him.

A little help, please?

***

Etsy, Here I Come?

GirlsGoneChild — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 01:47:00 GMT

Okay so maybe I'm getting a teensy-tiny bit ahead of myself. It's not like I've even put the sewing machine to the fabric yet BUT I did take the first steps in establishing myself as a sewer-of-baby-dresses. Yes, that's right. After much thought and reading your various comments, I have realized my longtime dream: making (or my kids') clothes.

Yes, friends. I've decided to learn to sew, channeling my need-to-nest for the greater good of my unborn baby's style. (Girl clothes are far more sew-worthy than boy clothes, let's be clear.)

Now, please keep in mind I can't so much as sew a button but that doesn't mean I can't learn, so help me, and fuck if I'm not aware (after several people clued me in) that with a simple pattern and a single sewing lesson I could have made the oh-so-cute-but-so-expensive-green-baby-dress myself for $10.

Not to mention the fact that I'm quite picky when it comes to clothes and I'm having a hard time finding cute stuff that isn't pink and/or floral. No dig on pink OR floral. I just find the whole pink/purple/floral motif kind of... obvious? Boring-ish?

Sunday my mother and I took a trip to the local fabric shop to look for the easiest-pattern we could find that was also cute. We finally landed on this cute little smock-dress with pockets and buttons on the shoulders which I fell in love with instantly. I chose an amazing green and blue gingham tablecloth material, reminiscent of my late great-grandmother's dinner napkins and chose two orange and gold buttons to clash fabulously with the motif.

Inspired by the sound of music, I also made sure there was enough fabric to make Archer a matching tie in case he was ever, you know, in the mood to wear one.

I managed to cut out the pattern, pin the pattern down and cut out the fabric all by myself before I had to close-shop and drive back to L.A. So here I am, all excited and anxious, dying to get back to my parent's house to finish my little granny-dress, which I can't wait to sew* together:

Behold! The early stages of baby's Fall '09 granny-dress which will be trimmed and threaded with orange.

Sadly, I haven't a sewing machine at my house and am not in any place to invest in one. Not yet. First I have to become comfortable enough to sew on my own but after that? Sky's the limit. I may forgo the novel I'm currently working on to become a full time baby-clothes designer!

Okay, so maybe not, but how proud will I be to see my child all dressed up in something I made? I'm already proud and the dress hasn't even been sewn! Truly, you should see me right now. I'm beaming!

Not to mention the fact that Archer has himself a book-of-gush. The least I can do for baby #2 is give her a Fall 2009 collection.

I mean, really.

***

*My mother will be standing over me, teaching me the ropes of sew because she's awesome like that and also because she thinks it's about time I learned to do something domestic-ish.

** For the cutest online fabric store EVER, go here. I happen to know and adore the lady in charge and seriously? How could one not be inspired to sew after seeing this and this?

Shopping for Unborn Daughters

GirlsGoneChild — Sun, 01 Jun 2008 03:59:00 GMT

Clothes. I love clothes. I always have and always will and spend far too much money I don't have on clothes. Clothes, clothes and mas clothes. I've obviously cut down on shopping-spree madness since becoming a mother -- only because frankly, I'd rather spend my clothes allowance on Archer's tees and pants outfits for whatever reason. The kid has style with or without the clothes on his back but it's sort of become a hobby of mine: picking out his clothes, planning for outfits daily. I do the same for myself and always have. In fact, when Hal and I first started dating he walked into my bedroom and gasped at my dozen or so outfits hanging around the room complete with shoes.

"Hi. Uh... You're weird."

"HI. Uh. Please still like me?"

For years I'd been planning out my outfits a week in advance, then hanging them variously around my room with post-its, which, yes, I realize is kind of embarrassing and odd. I think was especially weird for dudes who slept beside me in the darkness only to wake up booby-trapped with sundresses and scarves come morning.

I have done the same for Archer pretty much since he was born-- planning and folding the week's outfits neatly on his dresser. Because like Hal said/says, I'm weird. And also, and more simply, I'm easily amused by such things.

Yesterday, after finding out we were indeed pregnant with a little girl (yay!), I went straight to my local boutique to buy my unborn daughter a present.

This is what I bought her:

It was far too expensive for what it is but far too adorable not to buy. I fell in love with it and had to make it ~~mine~~ hers, even though she won't be able to wear it until the summer of 2010, which is like, yeah, long far away. There were ten plus other gorgeous dresses/jumpers that I fell totally in love with, all stuff I would totally wear myself had it been in my size. Dresses that would look adorable over leggings, with pockets to die, and jumpers made with vintage fabric from my OWN childhood. And OY VEY the pricetags. We're talking dresses for two-hundred bucks n shit. I need to start shopping in a new neighborhood me thinks.

I put everything back except for the green duck dress which I paid for with my eyes closed and then promptly came home to hang it on the wall. And then I called Hal and asked him to pick up a few lottery tickets on his way home, because, um, yeah.

If anyone else has any get-rich-quick ideas, please let me know. I have a feeling this daughter business is going to break my bank, because, people? I have no fucking restraint when it comes to clothes. Green duck dresses might just be the end of me.

Oh, Lord, give me ~~less expensive taste~~ strength.

***

On the Eve of Knowing

GirlsGoneChild — Thu, 08 May 2008 19:27:00 GMT

*UPDATED BELOW*

I'm closing in on nineteen-weeks pregnant which means, tomorrow, during my ultrasound I will most likely find out the sex of my baby. I am not one for surprises. I have no patience in this life and can't help but obsess over ALL of life's little question-marks so, ho-HO! The sex I will know.

"Do you have a preference," people often ask, which is one of those questions that makes me very uncomfortable, mainly because I don't know what I'm having yet. And I kind of just want to have whatever I'm having, you know? I prefer whatever is.

"I'd like a boy or a girl," I usually say. And I would, both for very different reasons.

When I was pregnant with Archer I absolutely had a preference. I wanted a son. I couldn't imagine myself mothering anything but boys, probably because socially I always felt more comfortable with boys and in a way, the thought of having a daughter scared me. In my experience, girls are, uh... more difficult than boys. I feel like I would have a hard time controlling a daughter mainly because I'm stll having a hard time trying to control my self.

This pregnancy all my dreams have been daughter dreams, which doesn't exactly gel with my doctor's prediction that I'm pregnant with another boy. My 12-week ultrasound my doctor said he thought he might have seen a penis. He even said he was "80% sure you are having a boy" but for whatever reason, in every one of my dreams: girl. So now I'm just feeling very confused. I have no clue what this baby is. My subconscious, obviously thinks girl. My practical-self believes the doc and is going with boy. Tomorrow, of course, I'll know for sure.

The last several weeks I've spent with friends who have daughters. I've helped their little girls get dressed. Played with their hair. Read them stories. And kind of in a way, hoped that maybe one day I could have that, too. That mother-daughter, girl on girl, slumber-party-in-barrettes thing. I honestly, for once saw myself mothering a daughter and being, well, not so bad at it.

Reading books with BMC's Foo in Portland

This is not to say I'd be absolutely tickled by having all boys. (We're planning on stopping after two. Er, at least I am. Hal wants, like, a thousand kids. Uh, yeah right, dude.) I get giddy at the thought of brothers rolling around in the dirt, playing kick-the-can, racing each other on skateboards. Not to mention them not hating me in highschool (or at least not HATING hating me.)

But for once, I'm not afraid of the alternative. Which means that maybe in a way, I'm growing up-ish.

***

Guess the baby's sex, below! I will pick one winner at random and send you a signed copy of my new book, Rockabye: From Wild to Child. All I need from you is to place your guess in the comments and link me to where you can be reached by email. Stay tuned for tomorrow's update and chosen winner! Good luck!

***

UPDATE: In classic true-to-life form, I do not have an answer. The doctor did say he was almost 100% percent postive I was having a girl, but I cannot trust an "almost" (especially after the 80% sure it's a boy prediction last ultrasound and uh.... well...) so I will wait until the next (more high-tech) ultrasound where I have actual photos of genitals and proof positive. Even so, I was shocked to hear "girl"... Shocked. And maybe I'm still a little shocked and that's why I want to absolutely certain before I start shopping for vintage sailor dresses and gingham bonnets and such. HOWEVER! To be fair, I will be choosing one "It's a boy" voter AND one "It's a girl voter," sending both picked-at-random winners a book and a GGC mix CD. I will be emailing both winners later this afternoon. Thank you all so much for playing and stay-tuned, for some photographic evidence and hopefully, an accurate call on le sex of le baby!

Congratulations to Lisa L. and Heather V. for winning GGC Mx-CD's and a signed copy of Rockabye. Rad of you all to participate! Stay tuned for more fun contest-like drawing-things!

Bribing for Brotherhood

GirlsGoneChild — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 01:19:00 GMT

"Hey, Archer. Guess what! There's a baby in Mommy's body!"

"Baby?"

"Yeah. Right in here. In my belly, see?

"No baby, Mommy."

"Yes, baby. Just really small baby right now. Grape-sized."

Archer flashes me his "what the hell kind of drugs you on, woman" face

"Do you want to have a baby?"

"No!"

"You don't want to have a little brother to wrestle with?"

"No!"

"Do you want a little sister to play with in the park? You can frolick and--"

"No!"

"You don't want a little friend to build forts with and draw on walls with and--?"

"NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"You know what? When you have a baby you get ice-cream. All you can eat ice-cream. And cookies."

"Ay-Keem? Yay! Ay-keem!!!! Yay!"

"So do you want to have a baby and cookies?"

"Yays!"

"Do you want to have a little brother to wrestle with and ice cream? "

"Yays! Ak-keem baby!"

"What about a baby sister to push on the swings and cookies?"

"YAYS! YAYS! OKAAAAAAAY. Coo-KIE COO-KIE. YAYS, MOMMY! YAYS! Wheredigo-Ak-keem-COOkie?"

So I'm really happy to report to all who've enquired that Archer can't wait to be a brother. And ice-cream. And cookies. And... yeah.

***

I Know What We'll Do Next Summer

GirlsGoneChild — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 18:45:00 GMT

Okay so about the whole second baby thing. We're kind of nowhere near ready. Then again, we weren't even close to being even a tiny bit next to nowhere near ready with Archer so maybe that doesn't matter so much.

That being said, we've decided after months and a cazillion hours of contemplation that next summer seems like a good time to remove the contraceptive and Whoop! There it is! ... Or if you will/ in the words of today's TTC** couples: we're going to "try"...

Archer turns three next May, so if all goes as "planned" Archer and #2 will be four years apart, which seems like a really big gap to me but there's no way in H-E-Double Hockey Sticks we can get me pregs any sooner. I would be a walking disaster-zone with all that's going on. Shit, I'm a walking disaster-zone, anyway.

(Archer as an only child.)

I've been weighing the pros and cons against my own childhood: my brother, David and I are 2.5 years apart and it was awesome for us as kids. We were BFF for years and even though we had a love-slump in High School we're OMG totally BFF! again, now that we're adult-ish people. My sister, Rachel and I have seven years between us which is a lot. And it kind of sucks because I never really got to know her like I wish I did. I moved out when she was eleven. There was very little borrowing of clothes or bonding over boys. And that would have been nice. To have that. I want Archer to have that. I want him to have a built-in BFF or at the very least, someone to bounce ideas off. Someone to talk shit about Hal and I with when we're acting lame and annoying and "Gosh! Our parents are such tools!"

That's important. To have that.

(Archer with "Emily," a doll we picked up at Rite Aid so we could sample life as a family of four. We're weird.)

Of course, I'm totally torn between wanting Archer to have a sibling close-ish in age and being waaaaay overwhelmed by the thought of having another kid. Twenty-seven with two kids seems insane to me. And then there's the whole possibility of having twins, which run like water in my family. Triplets, too. Oy to the Vey. We'd likely have to move, pretty soon-after which means automatic $1,000 more in rent. At least. And I'd need to hire part-time help, most likely. And, yeah...

Honestly? I have no idea how people plan kids. This shit is hard and totally confusing.

But then Archer does something like offer his rice cakes to his friend, or light up when he meets a new child and I think to myself, "fuck it, let's just do this. Let's knock me up and give Archer a homie to roll with..."

(Archer sweetly observes Kennedy, whose mom is like a sister to me, which would almost make them cousins if we didn't live eight hours away... Poop.)

So we will. We are. Going to get pregnant. Soon. Summer, 2008: ~~Coming to a theatre near you~~. Or something. Ish. Yeah. Holy balls. That's, like, tomorrow.

Any words of ~~warning~~ encouragement from those versed in the two-baby thang would be much appreciated, i.e. how did you decide it was time to "go again"? What do you think is the ideal age difference? I'm all ~~fears~~ ears.

***

*heh.

**Trying to conceive