Straight From the Bottle

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  • A Week in Photographs

    First of all, I'd like to start by congratulating Babble's one and only Oz Spies for her brand new baby boy! As the only Babble personal blogger with a son, I admit I was rooting for some more testosterone up in this piece. Congratulations Oz and family! Ah, babies. Little teensy tiny babies. I want one. I do. Another one. It's true. But I'll get to that at a later date because this post set out to be a slideshow of sorts. Focus, Rebecca. Fo. Cus.

     

    Okay, so last time we spoke twas the eve of Halloween. Here is Archer posing in his Rubber Ducky costume (he makes bathtime so much fun) :

     

    Rubber Ducky

    Obviously, twas a family affair: 

     

    Family Portrait

     From left to right: Hal as Bert, Archer as Rubber Ducky and me as a crackhead clown Ernie 

     

    Here's a little secret: when the cameras are off and the gaffers have all gone to bed, Bert and Ernie push their E B twin beds together and make babies give each other jade rock massages. 

     

    Bert and Ernie

     

    After Halloween came a reunion of sorts with one of my oldest friends and her daughter, who is a whopping eight months younger than Archer and is so far advanced it's almost silly. She poops on the potty. She chews gum. She even complimented my makeup. Swear.

     

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  • Tantrums Make it Better

     

    I'm a huge fan of the tantrum. Temper tantrums? Damn! I love me some of those. Being kicked in the face? Bring it. Having to scrape a child off the asphalt? Better than Monday night television.

     

    IMG_2149

     

    I'm especially fond of the public outburst. The sudden possessed-by-devil-screams out of nowhere because of a dropped-raspberry at the Farmer's Market. LOVE THAT! Especially when surrounded by my-kid-is-so-much-more-well-behaved-than-your-child parents who scoff and roll their eyes. Who eye me like I obviously can't handle my child. Awesome!

     

    But even better than all of that is dragging a screaming child home, seven blocks on foot in 100 degree heat because I'm trying to wean said child off the stroller, with fourteen bags of produce and a giant bag of shit that's supposed to cure tantrums, i.e. pacifiers, cookies, coffee, beer, etc, and having all of that stuff thrown in the street when offered.

     

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  • No More Mommy Niceypants

    You heard me. I'm taking your advice and I'm standing firm. I'm sticking it to the man! Except in my case, the man is a toddler with wispy hair and a perma-bruise on his forehead from falling on his face ten times a day in protest to my "evil" mommy ways.

     

    According to all of your comments, giving in is positively the worst thing a parent can possibly do. No matter how many cars are honking or eyeballs are rolling or scenes are being made in public. So I'm kicking ass and taking names. And so far? Things are looking up:

     

    Tantrumville


    ...Saying NO!

     

    Welcome to...


    ...Really does...

     

    Who me?

     

    ...Pay off.

     

    Kinda.  

     

    But Rome wasn't built in a day and baby steps aren't called "baby steps" for nothin.

     

    Right?
     

    ***


  • Dread Asphalt

    The terrible twos have arrived with a vengeance which is depressing beyond belief because not only is Archer 22 months (two months left, people!) but I have been emotionally unprepared for tantrum-fest 2007. It wouldn't be a big deal if the craziness happened in the privacy of our own house but the moment the front door opens, the devil horns push through Archer's forehead and the raarrrrrrrghhhh begins.

     

    Rarrrrgghhhhhhhh: (n) Pushing, kicking, screaming, terrorizing, screaming, being crazy, screaming, dropping to the pavement/cement/asphalt while arching back and screaming. Did I mention anything about screaming?

     

    Terrible Tuesday Tantrum(ing)

     

     

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About the Blogger

rebecca woolf

Rebecca Woolf in LA

Who says becoming a mom means succumbing to laser tattoo removal and moving to the suburbs? This young writer and mother of two gives it to you Straight From the Bottle.

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