I guess "it" would be relative. We all have different lives and
situations and crap we're dealing with, so you can fill in the
appropriate words (stress, chaos, depression, fear, instability,
confusion, did I say stress?) for "it"...
As I've written ten-squillion times before, parenting is tough, marriage even tougher
(or any committed relationship, especially when a child's in the mix)
but there are times, moments, when "it" kind of melts away... These
moments are seldom caught with a camera because... like SNAP! they're gone.
I
used to call these moments "rainbow moments" when I was little, because
they were so "colorful and quick to fade." One minute: an upside-down
smile across the sky and before I knew it... "Wait, what was I looking at again?"
I experience such moments of ephemeral emotional bounty every now and then. I can only describe the feeling as one of great spiritual? high followed by the absolute fear that such a feeling might soon be forgotten. (Perfect moments often are.)
It
took me until writing this post to remember the night, years ago, when
an ex-boyfriend and I drove home from Las Vegas the night of a meteor
shower. The top of his convertible was down and we shivered in our
coats, the heater full-blast in our faces. (I had insisted we watch for
shooting stars all the way home.) Or an afternoon, eight years ago,
when I got lost in Paris only to find myself in the garden of some
obscure palace, a wrong turn and POW: Paradise. I have a picture in my
travel-journal to remind me: a badly-drawn sketch of a bench overtaken
with vines. More recently, there was the moment Archer said "I love you Mommy" for the first time, at which point I fell to the floor like Amelie, a puddle of water in the middle of the room.
The
other day I was lucky enough to catch one such moment on my camera. A
moment so perfect I was knocked almost out of breath. The photo is
mediocre at best and most likely doesn't translate but I felt that same
rush of "ohmygod! life is fucking awesome!" when taking this photo (a
"rainbow moment" indeed):
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