Straight From the Bottle

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  • If You Consider Hal Farting in my Face a Push Present

    Everybody seems to be talking about "push presents" these days. And by everybody I mean, everyone who is pregnant, which I mean... is it just me or is everybody pregnant? The other day I counted three pregnant people out of the five people in line at Starbucks and two of us had new babies. AND the barista's SISTER was in LABOR, apparently because she proclaimed it to the heavens as all us of pregnant/new moms cheered and cried and did kegels.

     

    I didn't even know what a "push present" was until a few months ago. 

     

    "Is Hal getting you one?" my friend Jasmine asked me when I was pregnant and she was pregnant. (See? EVERYBODY is pregnant, yo. Everybody.) 

     

    "Uh... What's a push present?"

     

    She explained to me that a push present was a gift a man gives his lady friend after delivering their baby. 

     

    "You mean a "push the baby out of my vagina" present? Cool! I like the sound of that... I've been coveting these boots and this bag and YEAH PUSH PRESENT! HOOK ME UP!"

     

    I promptly came home and emailed Hal the links to my "push present wish list"  to which he responded, "what the eff is this?"

     

    "It's for my push present, Hal. Duh."

     

    "We have no money, Bec. Duh."

     

    "Whatever. You're such a pessimist." I wrote back, annoyed to the max...

     

     

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About the Blogger

rebecca woolf

Rebecca Woolf in LA

Who says becoming a mom means succumbing to laser tattoo removal and moving to the suburbs? This young writer and mother of two gives it to you Straight From the Bottle.

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