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• A Whole New World

  Pardon the Little Mermaid reference but the life of a preschool parent is going to take some getting used to. Everything is so serious, now. So many new rules. Is it wrong that I just want to sneak out the back door and not buy into any of it?   ...Outrunning everyone but his shadow...   Apparently there was some drama at the end of the year when a teacher left Archer's school without notice. Parents were livid and still are it seems, deciding to create a sort of "parent's union" and hosting underground meetings about their children's well being, voicing their concerns, etc. I RSVP'd for the meeting because I didn't know how to say no, and then I felt bad that I even wanted to (say no) because I really should be concerned with my child's well-being, too. And I am, but not in a "parent's conference" kind of way. It gives me a poopy stomach just thinking about it, getting together for lemon squares and chitchat about playground etiquette or whatever. It's times like these when I wonder if I'm even cut out for this parent-stuff. I think I'm a good mom and I love my son more than anything, obviously, but the bureaucracy of parenting is intimidating as hell, not to mention something I'm very uncomfortable with. I want Archer to make friends and learn stuff. I want his preschool experience to be as amazing as it possibly can be... but. Butbutbutbuuuuut...  All the drama. Drama! Why!? WHY!?...   Read More... Posted Jan 23 2008, 09:57 PM by GirlsGoneChild with | with 36 comment(s) Filed under: fear, growing up, preschool

• Last Night I Dreamt Nicole Richie Named Her Child Archer

  In last night's dream, Nicole Richie had just given birth to a baby boy and in typical celebrity fashion was introducing the world to her new son by way of US Weekly. On the cover, Nicole beamed, staring into the eyes of her son. The tagline said: Nicole Richie welcomes baby Archer.   I remember being pissed in the dream. Opening up the magazine and shaking my head.   "This is bullshit," I said.   Upon waking this morning, I couldn't remember what it really was that pissed me off. Choosing a child's name is a big deal, of course. One that for us required much time and back and forthage. We decided on "Archer" because, for one, it was the only name we both agreed on. (I wanted to name him, "Miller", after Henry Miller and Hal was more interested in naming our son something weird like "Awesome" or "Cartridge") To be fair, one of my front-runner girl's names was "Paper" because I thought it sounded pretty and it reminded me of Jackie Paper from Puff the Magic Dragon, and, well, I dig books.   Are you laughing at me yet? It's okay. Because this post is about to get serious...      Read More... Posted Nov 09 2007, 04:30 PM by GirlsGoneChild with | with 13 comment(s) Filed under: fear, baby names, revealing too much, celebrity babies

• Good Parent

  I can unflinchingly write about my deepest secrets. I can be self-deprecating, write about turmoil and pain and the raw truth, no problem. I can easily write about feeling like a bad person and a shitty mother, and I admit, at times I do feel that way. It is clear that people want what is raw and honest and the truth. People want to read about people who struggle and are in pain. The idiosyncratic parent. The fucked-up hero. The unlikely star. Parents want to read about one another’s failures. They want to say “me too” to the secrets and lies of strangers because misery loves company and people who feel alone want to know that there is no such thing. Because there is no such thing… As being alone. But just as there is no such thing as being alone, there is such thing as being a confident parent. Unfortunately, and for whatever reason, no one feels comfortable saying so. Including me. And that’s crazy. And insane. And sad. So here is the truth. Here is what I have hidden away for the past two years: I’m a good mother. I trust my instincts and I am proud of who I am as a parent. I do not regret a single decision I have made thus far. I love that I’m not afraid to get dirty in the mud and dance around the house like a fool and I love that I can make Archer laugh with a single face. I love that I am unafraid and optimistic and patient. I love that I take Archer gallivanting around town to explore unlikely playgrounds. I think I'm positive and real and a good role model for my son and I think I'm doing a damn good job with this parenting thing. There. I said it.   Read More... Posted May 01 2007, 10:39 PM by GirlsGoneChild with | with 20 comment(s) Filed under: fear, bad to be good, insecurity, i'm a good mother, mommy wars

• The Bittersweet Taste of Freedom

  Before this week, the longest I had ever been away from Archer was two days. So I had no idea what to expect when I went away for five full days. I knew I would miss him but had no idea how much and in what way. Would I have fun? Would I be sad? Would our separation be too much to bear? Was five days too long?   I was shocked at how easy it was to say goodbye. To walk away from my son who smiled at me from the backseat of my mom's car. To wave from the curb and get on an airplane and fly away. It wasn't sad. Or hard. Not even a little bit.     I love my son with all of my heart. It's just that up until now I thought he was my world.   Read More... Posted Mar 15 2007, 08:28 PM by GirlsGoneChild with | with 18 comment(s) Filed under: Motherhood, Vacation!, parent guilt, fear