I haven't had a period in six-months. I know, I'm breastfeeding so
you're probably like, well, duh! But actually? No. I started my period
six weeks post-partum because my body is insane and thinks I'm some
kind of breeding ground. In the good old days, pre birth control, I
would likely have ten kids by the time I was twenty-one. Rough, that
would have been but I digress.
Rebecca Woolf circa a long time ago, twenty-eight-year-old mother of 18.
It
isn't a coincidence that IUD is DUI backwards. Driving drunk leads to
crashing much like IUDs often do. That is, if you're me. Specifically
me last week when I had an emotional breakdown followed by a bout of
OMGI'mPregnantitis. I'm usually a pretty balanced girl. I'm not prone
to mood swings or PMS. I have my moments of fog but seldom freak out.
That was until two weeks ago when I started to feel funny. Hormonal
funny. Emotional, on edge and totally beside myself with bouts of
random tears, even anger. I felt like I was crashing after a nine-month
high and maybe I was. But at the time, all I could think was, "Oh my
God, what if I'm pregnant?"
I had soon convinced myself
that my belly was huge and pregnant looking. I examined my naked body
in the bathroom mirror in disbelief.
"I look AT LEAST four-months pregnant, Oh my God."
It
didn't stop there. My sense of smell was noticeably heightened when I
evacuated my kids and dogs from our house because I smelled fire and was
convinced it was coming from inside the walls. We stood outside for
ten minutes with Hal on the phone, before I realized that what I was
smelling was coming from a down-the-street neighbor's charcoal
barbeque...
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