I am not a morning person. Totally embarrassed to admit this but I typically don’t get out of bed until
8:00 am 8:30 most mornings. Sometimes as late as 9:00 9:30. AM. (And I say “AM” because there’s been some confusion in the past.) Ths MUST change because Archer starts kindergarten on Monday when I will be leaving the house no later than 7:45 7:30 sharp to take him to school.
That is some scary shit.
In my defense, the reason I’m such an awful morning person is because I’m an awesome night person (Hey now!). The earliest I’m able to get to bed is 12:30. Er, the earliest I USED TO BE ABLE to go to bed was 12:30. I’ve spent the last week “sleep training” myself to get into bed at 11:00 with an 11:30 eyes-closed-head-on-pillow policy. Alarm set for 7:00am.
Yes, drill sarge! Er… not so fast.
So far I have failed. Every. Single. Night. And every. Single. Morning. I’m. Just. Going. To type. Like this. From now. On. No, I’m not. Just. Kidding. I will say though, although it’s true I have failed, I have at least been up earlier than usual. And in bed by midnight. Which is, you know, progress. And yet, still problematic.
I’ll have what she’s having.
Lately, and maybe it’s because I’m trying to sleep train myself, I’ve
become obsessed with other people’s sleep habits. I stalk twitter after
midnight to see who else is awake. I probe every friend, even stranger I
meet at the park re: their bedtimes.
“Hi! Cute kid! Love your stroller and also, when do you usually go to sleep?”
“No, we’re not using that swing. Go ahead! And by the way, what time did you wake up this morning?”
“Where is your son going to kindergarten and also how many hours of sleep do you need in order to function as a healthy human being?”
“Your child just stole my kid’s shovel! How do you sleep at night?!! No, seriously. How do you literally sleep at night? I’m genuinely curious.”
I’ll have what she’s having, too.
Sleep is one of those things, kind of like pooping, that, even though we all do it, is relatively personal and seldom discussed. Also, much like poop, I think it’s fascinating! Two girls, one sleeping pill? The internet sensation of the future! And yet, most people, I find, are ashamed, even embarrassed of their sleep habits. Myself included. I always thought there was something wrong with me that I couldn’t get my ass out of bed – that I still can’t. And when I finally drag my lazybonesjonesass out from under my comforter? It takes me HOURS to fully wake up, even after fifteen minutes of fall-out-of-bed-onto-yoga-mat-stretching and a massive cafe con soy leche.
I spent many years as an insomniac, took Tylenol PM every night at 3am only to wake up at 9am the following morning, late for work… again. Six hours was all I needed back then but now six hours isn’t enough. At least, it hasn’t been enough. I only have four more days until Archer’s school starts. Wait. What if I just pretended I was on East Coast time and that my exhaustion is jet lag? Perfect solution! Genius, even! Why did it take me until writing this post to think of that?
While I’m writing up my own perscription for morning-personness by way of “fake jet lag,” I’d love to hear from you. (Yes, I ask a lot of questions on this blog but it’s only because I have a lot of questions. And you guys always have wisdom and it’s very helpful to me and others.) So! If you don’t mind: How do you sleep at night? What’s your typical bedtime vs wake-up? Any helpful wake-up tips? Any born-again morning people out there? Seriously. This is not a ludicrous conversation. This is LIFE and what we spend a third of our lives doing! Sleep needs more attention! A “sleeping” blog community!
Okay so maybe I’m just tired.
It is, like,