"Last" Day of Preschool
Yesterday was technically Archer’s last day of preschool and I sat all day at my desk with poopy-stomach trying to wrap my head around what it means to see him off at a new school, introduce him to a new world with new friends and strangers, teachers… parents.
We’ve been discussing the changes afoot for weeks now. The new school which Archer says he “can’t wait for!” even if it means a whole new set of students, teachers, friends… But when I picked him up from school yesterday, Archer looked angry.
“Ready to go?” I asked.
Archer glared at me and crossed his arms.
“Are you bummed school’s over?” I asked.
“No!” he crossed his arms tighter. “I’m glad it’s over!”
“It’s normal to be a little sad. Saying goodbye to people and places and things is the hardest part of being a human.”
“I’m not sad!” he said, sniffling. “I just want the picture off my cubby!”
“But you’ll be back at school in two weeks so you don’t need to take your picture…We’re doing summer school three days a…”
“YES I DO! I NEED MY PICTURE!”
Moments later we were in full on won’t-get-into-the-car won’t-get-out-of-the-car “no! no! no!” meltdown mode.
Part of me wanted to join him. Instead, I drove home saying nothing, parked the car, went to the freezer and retrieved a box of ice-cream sandwiches, which we then proceeded to dine on, silently brooding.
Several months ago I was on the hunt for summer camps, trying to find some permanent structure for Archer this summer. I can’t exactly take time off in my profession and have a very active dude on my hands so keeping him home all summer long wasn’t an option. After much research I found that summer camps were either far too expensive or too far a drive so we decided to send Archer to “summer school” at his Preschool which begins mid-July.
It seemed like our only option at the time and I was a bit reluctant to send him back to school, once it ended. Of course, now? I’m totally relieved. I think, in a way, so is Archer, who is like me in many ways – more ways than I can even understand sometimes.
Goodbyes are tough and I think for a couple of wildly emotional dudes like ourselves, we need to wean ourselves slowly off the past before we can get excited about the future.
Feels less overwhelming this way, less emotional.
Easier to stomach. Less ice cream necessary.
***
GEMINIS RULE! We and our emotions are complicated
My boy ended preschool last Friday, it was a hard day for both of us as well. We celebrated and mourned by going to Toy Story 3 and eating lots of popcorn. I also enrolled him into the summer program at preschool as to ease his transition, or mine, not sure which yet….. I’m feeling you on this entire post. And where exactly did my baby boy go?
You are so eloquent about endings/transitions. I think I’m like you and Archer. I need a lot of time to mentally and emotionally prepare for endings. I need a bunch of extensions and stalls to really get my mind around change.
Your writing is really beautiful.
A beautiful post.
PS thanks for fixing the RSS feed, or at least, in mine it wasn’t randomly cut-and-pasted. thx!
Who really is good with goodbyes? I try to avoid them or ignore them. So, basically, I handle them like a preschooler. Love that photo. Like five million diamonds.
I still miss my cubby!! I need ice cream!
Sounds like he has a great summer ahead. Great post.
Z’s last day of pre-school was hardcore…for me. The minute we walked out the door I began to cry and when he asked me what was wrong, all I could come up with was, “I’ll never walk you though that door again as a student here.” I too chose to send him to their summer program each and every year he attended – I regret it zero.
We are facing this but not until September when our 2 year old (early July birthday) will go from a home daycare to the ‘school’. Same people own/operate, just a new actual building w/ a huge play ground, instead of the ‘at home daycare’. They want him to start in September vs. the normal 30 month age. So he will be 26 months instead of 30. He has been with the same people since he was 12 weeks old. I worry that he is going to miss Mr. Ed and Ms. Karen too much. So young for such a big transition, but then I know that all the parents we chat with rave about the ‘school’. One of our local school loves this family operated center because the children are more than ready for kindergarten when the time comes. Meanwhile all I can think about is the fact that he is 2 not 2.5 and is he really ready. Crazy thing is that he is, I’m not.
I am confused…did he want a picture of himself in front of his cubby, or did he want a picture of something else that was on his cubby?
Best of luck to you this summer!
I was SO emotional at my youngest’s last day at preschool, and he was all “meh, can we go home now?” He’s been out for a couple of weeks now and not ONE peep about preschool. I’d think he was unsentimental but he’s adopted a nickel as a lovey (yes, a nickel; his last lovey was a russet potato), and dropped it tonight and cried for a good 5 minutes until I found it on the floor next to the bed. So. . .he’s not unsentimental. Just weird.
Glad Archer will get to put off his goodbye a little longer. It’s a hard one, if not for the kids, than the mamas.
please. in your profession? YOU can’t take time off? such an insult to true working moms. all you do is blog about BEING WITH your kids. try actually driving to an office all day, working 40-50-60 hours a week, dealing with the guilt and mental anguish that comes from being away, and coming home to read this blog post at god-knows-what hour after not putting your kid to bed for the umpteenth time. i mean, i love you, but really, a little sensitivity goes a long way. for any in my group of working mom friends (physicians, lawyers, accountants, whatever), this post is just insulting.
just sayin’.
Hi, Ann. I usually ignore comments such as the one you posted here. But tonight I’m going to go ahead and address what you say because I’m a little confused.
You say this post is “insulting to your working mom friends” because I’m not a “true” working mom? Really? Would you like to know how many hours I work weekly? Would you like my tax statements? Would you like to see my fiscal responsibilities? Deadlines? Meetings? Presentations? Drafts past due? Production meetings? Do you know how many hours I put in weekly? How many nights I don’t get to sleep until after 2am? Do you know how hard I work? Here and there and everywhere? No. You absolutely do not. You have no idea actually.
I realize you have a lot on your plate and you’re overwhelmed and I’m sorry. I’m sorry you feel guilty and mentally exhausted and I wish I could help you there. But taking it out on others? Isn’t very nice.
Just sayin’.
OK just want to say that I was the first Ann that wanted to know what Archer was talking about with the picture (I hope I’m not the only one who doesn’t get it!). NOT the second Ann who obviously has a stick up her ass.
Hey, Ann #1 — To answer your question: the photograph on his cubby was of him. It was his school picture on his cubby next to his name. He wanted to take it home because some of his friends (who aren’t doing summer school) got to take their pictures home. Obviously, the tears weren’t for the picture, though. He was just taking his frustration/ emotional confusion out on something tangible. I do the same thing. The picture had nothing to do with how he was feeling. It was just… an easy item to fixate on. xo
Rebecca: I can truly say that no one is a bigger fan of you than me. I guess I should have started with that, yes?
I have turned countless of the aforementioned-”true” working-moms onto your blog – the quotes are intended to show that I was ugly there, I know it, and it was wrong. I am sorry.
We were just talking about the blog tonight in my (working) mom group. I post your links to our mommy facebook group all the time, and my BFF (also a new mom) and I both ran out and bought your book, read it cover to cover in one sitting, and stayed up all night talking about it. So I come from a place of good.
To some extent, though, you are absolutely right – I am overwhelmed. Who isn’t? It sure seems like you are, too. However, I don’t see it as taking my stress out on you. Just giving you my two cents. Why is my perspective any less valuable then the others? Because it’s not fawning? Why on earth would you “usually” not respond? Because it’s not “nice”? That doesn’t seem like you.
Here’s the thing. And you can absolutely take it or leave it: There are a lot of us out there who read your blog with mixed feelings (I know this because we talk about it, as recently as tonight!!), because it SEEMS like you hang out with your kids all day long, take pictures, have deep thoughts about it, then get to write about it. A dream! What working mom (yourself included) wouldn’t die for that life!!? BUT: I do realize now – after reading and really thinking about your responsive post – that it is an overly simplistic picture. Isn’t it always?? I do apologize for seeing things that way, as I should know better.
For what it’s worth, though – for me and a handful of my friends, at least…though I suspect there are many more in our shoes than one might think…you know what would be really interesting? Not another pic of you with the kids. Not another momversation blog about some asinine topic. How about a post about what we’re NOW discussing – the juggle. the 2am nights. the deadlines. the bosses! the meetings and presentations. the here there and everywhere. tell us about the REAL blogger-mom life! everything you just posted about is exactly what we want to hear about!
that’s all. i am glad you did not ignore “comments such as the one [] posted here”, and I do want you to know that I adore you. You will always be good in my book.
dear Ann # 1 – i am sorry to have insulted your namesake, lol! i am afraid that maybe i did get something stuck up my ass today.
hope you have a good night.
Hey, Ann.
First off – I get plenty of comments that are critical. I welcome those comments. I welcome comments in any form, no matter how supportive or hateful. Truly I do. I do not censor comments nor do I delete them unless they are cruel to my children. That being said, I usually don’t respond to those who label me, and call me out for something completely unfair and untrue.
As for me writing about the tough stuff, I wonder for how long you have read my blogs? I have written ad nauseum about the juggle. And there are many things I don’t blog about for a thousand reasons- my professional life is not something I talk openly about. And even though blogging is a integral part of what I do, there is a lot more going on than what I feel comfortable sharing here because I know better. Because I live the professional land of “maybes.”
I think I share the good, the shitty and everything in between both here and on GGC. I’m sorry you wish I would stop “posting pictures of my kids and asinine momversation topics” but if that’s really how you feel? Why do you come here if I so constantly disappoint you?
Both here and on GGC, I write about my life. I write about what moves me, interests me, I write about what I think might be relatable. And if it isn’t? Doesn’t? Fails? Then at least it came from a place of truth.
That is all I can offer here. That is all I will CONTINUE to offer here.
Much love.
and yes, there are a million typos in my last comment.
Thanks…Archer is such an interesting, magical kid and I wanted to know what he meant. I look at his pictures and wonder what he’s really thinking, even as you explain what happened that day. He says so many insightful things for any age that I wonder what he’s thinking, even when he’s not speaking. Thank you so much for sharing what he says with us. He says things beautifully, like his mama.
GGC honestly I think people who write nasty or passive aggressive (“no offense but ___…have a nice day!”) comments are jealous. I am too but mostly you make me want to be a better person. I hope you never stop blogging.
I read Pointy Toe Shoe. And I love coming here and will always come here because you are a fantastic writer. I did not mean to be passive aggressive. I do not think there is much passive about my posts, actually. Plus I don’t care about typos. Again, it is just my two cents. You say “you have no idea” and it is true! We don’t! But I would love to. I have the best, most supportive mom community in the world, and I know I am not alone. The real life of you and Heather and Alice is something we all talk about and wonder about, that is really all.
That must be soo difficult to never get a holiday. I don’t know how I’d survive not being able to travel. Our girls just started their summer break as well. It’s been PJs and Operation. Good times.
I just wanted to say something about the ‘ann’ post. While I agree that sometimes GGC seems a bit TOO perfect, that her kids never get on her nerves, or that she never has a meltdown; I also think that is part of why most of keep coming back. It’s the same reason we kept watching The Brady Bunch, The Cosby Show, or any other ‘perfect family’ sitcom. To escape. While I, too, wish she would sometimes be a bit grittier with what it really takes to blog like she does, I have to wonder, would I keep reading if she did? There are 100s of snarky bloggers who cover these topics. GGC does ‘positive’ ‘hopeful’ and ‘inspiring’ well. Why fix what isn’t broke?
I may regret getting in the middle of this but I just wanted to respond to the Ann2’s comment. This may be hard to swallow because it’s coming from a woman who doesn’t have children and isn’t currently working but here goes:
Why do we as women feel the need to lash out at one another when it comes to this issue? Why are we constantly comparing our lives and choices to each other’s and making judgments about other mothers and their work life in particular? And what about stay at home moms are they completely invalidated and left out of the discussion because they don’t go to an office everyday? Do they work any less? Is their work any less important?
I realize that there are a myriad of issues surrounding this problem and there are no easy solutions, particularly as more parents don’t necessarily want to work but need to in order to pay the bills and as more women are becoming the breadwinners of the family. But as we have inherited this post feminist world where we are now able to have careers and maybe are even expected to, and have children and do it all perfectly, let’s support each other and the land mines we need to walk through to get to a place which feels right and works best for each of our families.
One of the reasons I love reading this blog is that Rebecca has made writing as a living while raising two small children work for her and she’s still figuring it all out as she goes along. How lovely that we have the benefit of joining her on the journey. Don’t disparage her for not going to an office, that’s not the point.
***tears***
I totally agree with Elizabeth. It seems to always be a vs. issue in the mom community which is utterly disheartening when motherhood is a state in which we should all be supporting one another, breastfed or not, working or staying at home, etc etc.
And also, Ann #2′s comment seems to alienate the stay at home mom crowd who, believe it or not, actually DO work. I’m a stay at home mom currently on the job hunt and let me tell you, I’d LOVE to be in my husbands position where I can walk through the door from a day at work and leave all the bullshit behind. I don’t get that. I’m on call 24/7, 365 and some days I want to tear my own brain out.
My point is, we all suffer and feel joy. Whether from a stressful day in a board room and meetings or cleaning up after toddlers, organizing the runnings of a household and taking ear full after ear full of screaming.
The last need is screaming and finger pointing at each other.
I also feel I may regret getting in the middle of the Ann2 discussion (and I always feel bad for a blogger when a comment thread runs far afield from the post at hand), but I kind of want to get this off my chest or else it will be hard to let go of.
Two things. The first is that none of us really knows anyone. Some of the people in my life I thought I trusted most turned out not to be the people I assumed they were at all and deeply disappointed me. You may think you know your spouse or your children or your parents, but in this life we are lucky if we even get to know ourselves well enough to have any true understanding of the world. It’s possible to feel you know someone through blogging enough to make assumptions beyond the information at hand, but that’s a very dangerous assumption.
The second thing is that every mother is different because every person is different. I bristled at the phrase ‘true working moms.’ I have a foot in both camps because I work but my kids come with me. There are days that works well and days it doesn’t, but it’s the choice that is appropriate for me at this time. Other people in my same circumstance would choose differently. Not every mom who works outside of the home wants to be home with her kids. That doesn’t make her a bad mom. There is not one way to be right, and this is not a competition.
I take a mom at her word if she says she is stressed or busy, even if from where I’m standing it doesn’t look so bad. Because I don’t know. And I would hope other moms would extend the same courtesy to me.
Thank you, ladies. The whole mommy war thing? So 2005. Sorry I got so defensive up there. It’s just… Ergh.
I think the problem here is that you, Ann, are taking Rebecca’s ability to turn difficult things in her life into learning experiences and confusing it with perfection. It seems really obvious to me that GGC has plenty of struggles in her life, but she is truly appreciative of all of her blessings and willing to turn the bad stuff into something important to learn from and grow. You can read her book to see that. Archer’s crying over his cubby picture is a perfect example…most of us would be annoyed at being greeted by our screaming child when picking him from school after working all day. But what we love about Rebecca is that she takes this moment, even though her head was buzzing from meetings and whatever the hell else she was doing during the day, to think about what was going on in Archer’s head and relating to it. I wish to God I had had a parent like this. I remember being Archer and crying about something that was important to me and being yelled at by my father because I was being selfish and not thinking about his hard day. I read GGC because she reminds me constantly to think about what really is important…and to remember that every experience is an opportunity for growth.
“…it SEEMS like you hang out with your kids all day long, take pictures, have deep thoughts about it, then get to write about it. A dream! What working mom (yourself included) wouldn’t die for that life!!?…”
She takes pictures because she has learned to capture the moment when she can. She writes because she has to. It’s like breathing for us writers. We don’t know how NOT to write.
And all those pictures of her kids? The posts on “some asinine topic”? They’re why I (and I suspect a great many more readers) return every day. Because I find solace in reading another mom/writer’s perspective…and stories…and general thoughts. I am a late-comer to her blog, having recently discovered it, but I am so, so glad I did.
Write on, Rebecca.
“Saying goodbye to people and places and things is the hardest part of being a human.”
So true. Didn’t quite understand that until a couple of years ago.
I am also reluctant to stick my neck in to the middle of this but I want to stick up for both Ann and GGC. I have been on both sides. When I became a mom for the first time I was an office type with two twin boys. Later and still now I am a SAHM. I have to say that they are very different worlds. I can get that Ann and her friends want more from GGC. I can remember very clearly nights that I would think what Ann thought. Not that I think it came out right, but you get what I mean. In truth, when I walked to an office every day I would probably have found nothing more inspiring and uplifting than hearing about how someone in GGC’s shoes makes it work. And I can also see that GGC gives her all, but to be fair she does say that she leaves out a lot. So what? Everyone takes something different from reading a piece of writing. And that is fine. I do not think either means to attack or drown out the other, and I do not think one is good and one is bad.
I love this “we all suffer and feel joy.” , from Amanda above. This is the take away lesson for me. Cheers to both.
Just another place to look at this from. I’m a work from home mum as Rebecca is. I work in e-commerce and am working on my own online business as well. I thought being at home would be great, I have 2 older kids and I thought it would be lovely to quit post-school care and let them walk home from school each day. Instead, on so many days I have a phone under my ear as they walk through the door, a finger over my lips as I try to relay to them all the hopes that I have that they’ve had an awesome day through a look whilst I discuss ROI with someone I care not a jot about. Instead of excited kids in my arms, its a HTC and a bundle of emails that I have to respond to and I have to ask my lil people just to amuse themselves long enough that I can get the 2 hours extra to finish my tasks. When really, all I want to do is immerse myself in their school excitement, hear the story of how ‘Mrs Whatshername liked my work’ and ‘oh how cute the girl is in 8Y’ because they are kids, kids who have a million dashing thoughts and they may just not be able to hang on till them till 6.
Its different.. its challenging and yes, I’ve sooo been there with kids in wraparound child care 50 hours a week whilst I was single and trying desperately to manage. I’ve so been on the other side with its whole other set of guilt and longing to be at home. I’ve been there with another 20 hours a week at home of work and wondering how I can face another Monday.
Life is never easy, its just a different type of challenging for everyone.
Much love to you both
I can totally relate to a child (and mom) who get anxious at changes. My 9 year old is improving (and so am I) but it’s taken years. Grade 3 finished last wednesday and for the first time in his whole schooling, I did not cry. Yeah for me!
But for him, even yesterday as we stared at the list of swim lesson mates he’d be with in his swim lesson this morning (all girls .. he cried .. I said it would be ok) I saw was again his anxiousness in change.
This morning, 9a.m. .. all smiles as he finds out two boys, his classmates, will be in his lesson. Relief, smiles and 10 lengths later and I have myself a happy boy beginning his summer vacation. Phew!
Good luck to you, everything will work out! It always has a way of working out.
Re: the conversation between Ann, the struggling working mother, and Rebecca. I’m an Anthropologist trying to write a dissertation, teach a few college courses, be a mother, be healthy, and live in a city that is again being slammed by the negligence of corporate America/the government (New Orleans). I’m not done with my degree because I’ve chosen to be with my daughter in the afternoons, and, yeah, I make no money, can’t travel because of it, and can’t engage in the lifestyle I imagine for myself and my family. But I chose this life. I chose to have a profession that gave me summers off. That profession is also a grueling life of solitude, mind games, politics, and a daily war of trying to turn off the noise of daily life to WRITE, produce knowledge, and inspire uninspired college students.
We all make choices. I’ve chosen less money and a very challenging profession that happens to allow some flexibility to spend time with my daughter. I sometimes dream about “escaping” into a “real” full-time executive job that pays more and that I can leave at the office when I go home at night. I dream about not waking up in the middle of the night stressed about deadlines and not producing to my full potential as a scholar. I wish I could afford to have another child.
But it would NEVER occur to me to insult my lawyer mom friends for not having to deal with what I’m dealing with or because they make more money than me and can send their kids to better schools. I’m not sure why the opposite always happens – that there is such a backlash against professions such as blogging or writing. Rebecca, you’re a smart lady. You chose a profession that allows you to (perhaps obligates you to) write about your children, your family, etc. But I’m sure there are many challenges that come with that.
Haters gonna hate. I just wish moms didn’t have to claw each other’s eyes out all the time when we’re all just trying to get by and live happy lives.
Ladies, ladies… we all have our own points of view. Mine is that I have yet to meet a mom who isn’t always working in, at, or on her role as a mother, wife, or person. We’re all working moms – some of us have additional roles that pay cash. Besides, I think the SAHM vs. Work-outside-the-home mom bickering is the work of the dads out there… so we don’t notice they haven’t taken out the trash yet!