Straight From the Bottle

We eat out very, very often. As in, several times a week. In fact, I'm cleaning my purse out now trying to take out all of these boxes of crayons from the places we go.

The kid is pretty good when it comes to her manners, but she's 3.5 and there's only one of her. Except that one time where she bit me on my chest as I was rocking her to sleep and I screamed out loud at a Chili's. Oops.

Oh gosh, this is SO me.  I can relate, and I only have one child who is now almost NINE.  And my little neurosis are actually full blown freak THE EFF OUT panic attacks because he like... played with his napkin or asked for another glass of water (politely, even, but his asking makes me feel like the waitress was put upon or something) gah.... I hate this and am working on it, but haven't the foggiest clue how to get over such dumb shit than to just DO IT.

We were all kids once so yeah, fuck the up-tight pretentious a-holes that can't recall those times. Unless a restaurant is so obviously adult then mine comes with me wherever I go. It's life and kids aren't second class!!!!

definitely. parents need to be seated while they are eating and it s not fun having a bite and then another one after 15 minutes. and it s not fun missin all the conversations. and coming back to the table asking for feedback.

If I am to go out, well I need it to be for rest and for enjoyment.

Of course I take out my son, who is also 17 months. To coffee shops, to the beach, the park, the market etc. but not when we have a night out.

Oh my God, you other mums, at what agae do you think a child can remain seated and eat her food and talk with her sibling or play quietly? 4, 5? 7? 15?  

Personally I'm a firm believer that if you bring your kids out to dinner with you.. tip the waitress extra.. a good chunk extra.

To make up for the noise (even well behaved kids can be louder then an adult)

To make up for the mess on/under all over the table

And go to a family friendly place, and if  your kids are being polite, well behaved kids and someone gives you the stink eye, give it right back! Who cares what they think? Who cares what the waitress thinks .. as long as you are going to repay her extra attention/service

If the kid(s) freak out. By all means leave the restaurant post haste. Sure getting that stink eye from people sucks! But.. you are leaving. It isn't as if you're *that* asinine parent who slowwwwwwwlllly sits through dinner while their kid screams like a banshee.

I take my daughter out. I also ditch her with a sitter and the hubs and I sneak out without her sometimes for date night. Variety is the spice of life after all.

And think of it this way, if 3 people are annoyed by your child's presence.. at least 4 are charmed by their precociousness!

I think that there is a time and place to take the kids out. There are restaurants where it is obviously adult then I will leave Ian at home other wise he will be with us.

Time and place appropriate.  I think my dear Grandmother said it best (we took her out to dinner for Valentine's day...she chose Chili's because we had our son with us, and the only thing my Gram loves more than her grandchildren are her GREAT-grandchildren!) when two older ladies were tutting about the racket in the place, as it was a BUSY evening:  "When you go to a family restaurant, you EXPECT noise and chaos and love.  They should have gone to ::insert name of lovely non-family friendly restaurant at a similar price point about two miles away::  C'mon, the clowns wandering around this place tonight should have shooed them away!"  She had a point.  That particular Chili's has family night once a week, and they had four clowns wandering around doing balloon animals and face painting at no charge to the parents.  (They asked the parents first, obviously)

Though believe me, we often turn down family brunch at a restaurant - its during his nap, its an hour drive each way (WTF?) and he is a chaotic bundle of cluster after spending any amount of time with that side of the family (again - WTF?  He's fine with the other side...).  And we've gone out....once....for a LOVELY dinner to celebrate our anniversary...sans child.  And it was nice, to sit back, eat a real dinner without having to grab a milk sippy, worry about how to get him to eat, sip a (virgin - preggo) dacquiri, not dish out and swap toys....for just one night.

We've been taking my extremely active son to restaurants since he was 18 months. We try to go once a week but sometimes don't make it.

If you never take them, they won't know how to act.

That being said, we make going out a treat for him as well as us. He gets to eat French fries and if he's well behaved he gets a little scoop of ice cream at the end. At 2.5 yrs old, if he starts to get loud, we just remind him that we won't get him his ice cream and he immediately calms down.

We started with going out to breakfast since that was his happiest time of day and only to family friendly restaurants. Now, I feel like I can take him about anywhere.

If gets better every time. Don't be afraid and realize that yes, some times you will leave with your dinner in a take out box but more often than not, you'll have a good time.

I am a waitress, so I have seen both sides of this.  I have no problem with children in restaurants...as long as it is before 8.  What drives me up a wall is when people bring their children out at 8:30, 9...wtf?  They should be in bed.  I have taken my son out a couple of times since he was born,  early, family friendly restaurants, and he loves to eat so as long as he is getting some food, he is an angel.  Your kiddos will be old enough to be taught proper manners soon enough, and then you can take them out without the angst.  

For Valentine's Day I took my middle child, who is 6, out for a special dinner because I don't get enough time with her alone.  It was lovely.  

Any one of my kids out at a restaurant alone is easy, but all three of them together takes a game plan.  They tend to be fine, but I'm with you about feeling hyper aware of how it looks to people around me, and my experience just isn't relaxed enough to be fun.

It's a total catch 22. If you don't take them out, how are they going to learn how to behave appropriately? But it can really, really suck. And if you do take them out to eat, you risk spending the whole meal trading off with your partner, taking little dude out to the parking lot to play because there is no way in hell he's going to sit still and be reasonably quiet, and I HATE being THAT parent with THAT kid.

We took our son out to eat a lot when he was a young baby and all he did was sit there and drool in his little car seat carrier deal, and then had a good seven or eight month gap when it just wasn't worth it. Now that he's 2, we occasionally go out to eat with family or whatever but it's still not always fun... it feels like a training exercise mostly.

In general I just prefer to keep the public tantrums down to when they're completely out of nowhere and unavoidable while running errands (please see: last weekend's total shitshow in the middle of the IKEA maze with no exit).

I turn into a ball of nerves every single time I try to take the kids out to dinner.  Take last Friday for example.  We went to a late lunch at 3 pm.  Not a single other person in the place.  Both kids sat in their seats the entire time.  They were pretty tame and entertaining each other with noise levels not too much above the norm but yet here I was picking up dropped forks and wiping up crumbs and saying to my husband "are they out of control? is it loud in here?".

In the end I was a total mess, sick from eating my food way too fast and regretting the amount of money I spent on a kids serving of mac n cheese.  

Melissa - I am the SAME way. It has nothing to do with my kid's behavior so much as my weirdness. Us eager-to-pleas types. Sigh...

I go out with my kids all the time and have since they were both very little--it's something I'm not willing to give up, and I am just too old to give a crap what anyone thinks (beyond a reasonable standard: I did haul my 4-year-old out of a very good Asian restaurant on Valentine's Day after one scream--that's just not what people are going out for.) But we always go early, I bring the Mommy Bag of coloring books etc., and we don't go anywhere fancy, for the most part.

Twice, when I was out alone with my girls at lunchtime, I've had older women come up to me and murmur "your girls are beautiful."  I understood that to mean "they aren't screaming," and I appreciated it.

I am totally with you.  Dining out is an experience for me.  And dining out with my kid is just not the experience I want.  It's not just about quickly shoving food in my mouth - I can do that at home much more cheaply!   Sure, we go to Panera together now and then.  But for the most part, I do the exact same thing as you.  Eat out less often, but go somewhere nice and with adults.

i'm struggling with this right now, in fact! some close friends of mine are coming into town soon and the question arose: eat in or go out? we're six adults and one 10-week old baby... mine. she hasn't been to a restaurant yet and i am oh-so-terrified of being THAT mother - the one with the screaming child, the one who totes her baby to every venue, appropriate or otherwise. on one hand, she's so young and doesn't need to be entertained. on the other hand, she can't be entertained precisely because she IS so young. if she decides to start crying there is nothing to be done except to feed her (and hope the crying doesn't start again after the feeding) or walk around doing the bouncing thing, both of which seem slightly inappropriate for a restaurant. on the other hand, refusing to go out puts me in the position of being the mom who keeps screwing with everyone else's plans because of THE BABY OH MY GAWD THE BABY. the real kicker? these people are my closest high school friends and their spouses, they know and love me and mine and they won't care either way, and yet i'm still agonizing!

Yeah, I get it!  I spend a ton of time trying to arrange around my schedule with Jack so that I can go out to dinner or having a girls night.  I have friends asking if we want to go out to dinner and I point at the kid.  Crazy thing is that I KNOW he is well behaved (for a kid) but in my mind it is just so much harder to go anywhere with kids and I avoid doing it no matter what (as evidenced in my linked post - I'm a total worrier).

Timing is so important. We always try to hit restaurants during their off-hours, and have made a point from the beginning of not allowing our child to be a disturbance.  As an infant/toddler, that meant taking the child outside to calm her down or discipline her, and not catering to her whims at the table (one chance only; if you throw the toy, it's gone for good... no banging of silverware, ever... no crawling under the table or kicking your chair/booth... quiet voice at all times, as others are trying to enjoy their meal). It gets so much easier- you just HAVE to be consistent! We now have one of the best-behaved children I've ever seen in a restaurant... point being, I don't notice better behaved children than my own, because THEY DON'T BRING ATTENTION UPON THEMSELVES.

If you don't take the time to train them now, you're just going to have to do it later.

I'm the same way. I'm so worried about how I will be judged as a parent if my child acts out in public. I have recently had a few people remind me that he is a kid, he acts like a normal 6-year old & that I need to RELAX.  I go to loud, child friendly resturants & would never take him to a nice "adult" only place. You do what you need to do as a parent but I think that we are all way to critical on ourselves as parents.

I thought I was the only one!

We almost never go out to eat--mostly because with all of my dietary restrictions, there's nothing for me *to* eat, but also because I CANNOT RELAX when Westley is with me. I'm all, "Is he OK? Is he bothering anyone? OH MY GOD!" and inhaling my food and practically having an anxiety attack. And the thing is? Westley is always fine. Totally fine.

And really, I'd rather take the money I'd spend on eating out and buy a few fancier ingredients and make an elegant meal at home.

Totally valid points. There is a bit of a "why bother" with kids and restaurants.  They eat better when it's a home cooked meal (or a lean cuisine) anyway.  Kinda like taking a child  under the age of 4 to Disney World.  What's the point?  However, might I recommend avoiding air travel until they are like 15 if you are worried about neurosis from the looks.  Took my then 7 mo old on a flight at Christmas and good God if looks could kill.  Can't blame them...10 months ago I was the one giving the dagger eyes. However, my child was quiet as a church mouse on the plane(this time).

I think you have to start early. We began taking our daughter out to restaurants (both high and low: from Osteria Mozza and Comme Ca to BLD to San Sui to Wurstkuche) when she was about a month old. We probably go out 3-4 times a week and by now, 2 years 9 months in, she's a pro. I firmly believe that it's about practice, and about staying relaxed as a parent. She can tell if I'm nervous or anxious and will react accordingly. It's also essential to bring props: crayons, paper, toys, etc. I'm always amazed at how accomodating and kind people are--from the waitstaff to other diners. We've never, ever encountered obnoxious people! Seriously. But I'm not at all paranoid about it. If my daughter misbehaves, then my husband and I will take her outside until she's calmed down...I am such a believer in introducing kids to good food and instilling good manners that I think the benefits of eating out and trying myriad cuisines far outweigh the costs of a stressful meal. But you do need to start early so your kids is used to the drill of sitting at a table for an hour and half.

I am so just like you.  Before Little Dude was born, I was all "we're going everywhere with him, and people can just DEAL".  Now that he's here, and at this point 3 years old, I'm a big vagina when it comes to taking him public places where I can feel the scorn being pulsated into my skull from all angles.  I, too, care what people think, and even though he's very good in most public arenas, I don't want to be "that mom" who brings "that kid".  I just don't like the feeling that accompanies that kind of annoyance, annoyance that is directed at ME.  So I feel you, yo.  Let's just bring our kids to each other's houses and pretend we're at a restaurant.

"I kind of still agree -- if only I was as strong in the flesh as I am on the computer."

^^I love that you wrote this and that you were honest about it. I think a lot of us feel that way. Using our pens as swords.

I think that you should take Archer & Fable out to restaurants more and channel the old you that doesn't care what people think. Hey if it's a crayon-happy-go-lucky-kinda-place, "Why not" (you did say they were well behaved)? If people don't like it then a) too bad and b) they can go to that fancy restaurant instead.

Though I think it's good that you and Hal go off to restaurants by yourselves and that you go out with your girlfriend's as well. Adult time, with you and Hal or you with your friends, is important as well.

P.S. I love, LOVE your grandmother’s garden! Sigh. ;o)

Just took the wee un with me with a girlfriend for sushi today.  I have to say I can relate to some of your feelings!  But, I have been keep all that neurosis on the inside where  it is probably calcifying and turning into kidney stones or deposits somewhere in my body.  

We went to a restaurant that conveniently didn't have any high-chairs, which I take as code for "we don't like kids".  When the waiter broke the news to me, I was prepared.  I love that sushi and I'll be damned if I am not eating it TODAY, right NOW, with my child and all.  I brought the little chair that straps to a big chair with me (I love that thing).  The waiter lifted his brows and plastered a smile to his face and showed us to our seats.

Bubba was angelic, the food was delish and my girlfriend great company... but -oh- the neurosis inside!  I didn't enjoy it all as much as I have in days passed because I was in a rush to get out, home to nap time and to make a quick escape before possibly offending any patrons with a flying sippy cup or some such.

Completely agree with you. My feeling is that other people sitting around us ARE PAYING A BABYSITTER so that they can have a relaxing dinner. Why should I bring my children, and be constantly worried that I am ruining someone else's dinner, when they are paying good money for peace.

In a similar vein - we once flew cross country with the kids in first class (a friend upgraded us as a gift). It was the most uncomfortable plane trip ever. Sure we had extra space and some additional comforts. However, I was a complete wreck because I knew that everyone around me had paid a huge sum to fly first class, and at any moment,  my baby could lose it, and completely ruin the serenity of first class. It SO wasnt worth it.  

A year later, we flew Southwest, and purposely clustered around other people with kids. We were SO cramped, but it was a much easier trip.

Next time you're there, would you inquire as to whether or not Nana would mind if my 3 children and I move in?

We'll stay out of her way, I promise.

The two older kids are never home and the youngest is an excellent dishwasher/dog walker.

Looks like paradise.

I totally agree -- and it makes me a little disappointed in myself to feel this way -- but I get super paranoid and self-conscious when we take the baby to a restaurant. I guess it's because, before I became a mom, I was totally the girl who whispered things like, "look at the time! that baby should be at home in bed" or "those parents really need to get their child under control" whenever the table next to mine had patrons under the age of ten. Karma is a bitch.  

You know, we eat out a fair bit - maybe once or twice a week - ok, that's not very much, and other than not having to cook, I don't really enjoy it.  I'm aware of the mess she's making, keeping her happy, trying to inhale my meal, rush the check - all that crap and really, it's not enjoyable to me.  However, my husband MUST go out at least once a week, so we go.  I'm with you, I'd rather do the sitter thing and go out for a nice meal once a month than worry about picking up food all over the restaurant floor (which I do, I always pick up after my kid).

I'm know how you feel. I remember once we took Jack to our local children's museum (mind you this is an interactive museum for KIDS) and he flipped out over this toy in the gift shop. He had his first public meltdown and I had what seemed like an out of body experience as I scrambled to pick him up and jet out of the door. I got hot flashes and looked at all the faces (which is always a mistake because in that panic mode you think everybody and their aunt is making harsh eyes at you, my motto is Just Blow The Popstand, Don't make Eye Contact, Apologize If Necessary) and panicked more.  I felt like I wasn't even the parent to my own child because he had never acted so hellishly. "Oh, this kid? No, he's not mine, I left my other well behaved son at home. I'm just borrowing this obviously defective model."

Anyway, as far as restaurants or any public place for that matter, I'm just about hour appropriateness and volume control, also age appropriateness. I'm not bringing Jack on any anniversary dinners at fancy places or at a place where alcohol is the main attraction. As far as him babbling in Starbucks, I couldn't care less what people think. He has just as much right to babble (at a reasonable volume) at nothing as the single girl waxing poetic about self imposed blacking out on alcohol and coke and waking up sans panties (true story). We also try, whenever possible, to take our food to the patio. It's generally more laid back and he has more freedom to talk (again at a slightly higher, yet reasonable volume) and all the visuals help keep him occupied.

I think it's kind of great that you've created a parent only space for yourself. It sounds like you wish you had a cooler vibe in restaurants  with your kids, but it also sounds like you enjoy time when you're not watch and following and taking care of a tiny human being. Which is cool. Neccessary.

Because we're on the road so much, our daughter has been in restaurans on the regualr since she was six weeks old. And she's great, though as she gets older it's getting messier and more labor intensive. I love the idea of heartier tips, because we're definitely leaving heaftier messes.

I do have to say though, eating out without the baby is treat. Conversations are more seamless. I get to eat my food hot. There's no surprise diaper changes necessary. I understand wanting to save that experienc for yourself.

It's so much healthier to eat at home anyway!! :)

I started taking my kids out when they were just a few weeks old.  It's very VERY difficult work, but they do well when we go out to eat.  I'm thankful

I agree that it's cool that you guys have your own thing going, but it is kind of sad that the kids never get to come out with you. I think a lot of parents get really caught up in the anxiety they are feeling over the kid making a mess or being a little too loud... and they forget what it's like to be a kid in a new and very exciting place. Kids get anxious too, or at least I know I did. My parents always seemed embarrassed if any of us got excited and spoke up too loudly. They always rushed the check. They always talked to us about how we needed to "settle down". And on one hand, I totally get it now that I'm a mom. It's not easy staring down the people who act like they've never seen two kids pretend little sister is a very silent HULK who must take on her very silent SPIDERMAN brother in a battle of good vs. also good. [*ahem*] But on the other hand, it's not easy feeling like you're always doing the wrong thing when you just want to defeat Spiderman with your super sweet new mind powers and you're very hungry because you can smell food but yours isn't ready yet.

When my son acts like a very silent HULK that must purge the world of unbroken crayons [and seriously where did he ever get that idea?] I pretty much have to take it in stride. Why spend your WHOLE life being anxious about what other people think? 10 years ago I didn't have an option about being miserable through a meal. When we go out in about 20 minutes? Captain America, Rogue, and Tiny Iron Man will be asking for three packs of crayons so that we can draw out our master plan to save the world.

Everyone else, I do believe, will live. It's a family place.  We're paying good money for food and to be waited on, just like that creepy quiet family at the table behind us. And I doubt Aunt Frankenstein a table to the left is actually going to keep judging us in five hours.

Oh my gosh, I'm the same way. And my husband is the same way if not worse, so it makes for a stressful outing. We have a 14-month-old son and go out every now and again, but it's almost not worth it between my husband being nervous and me being nervous and eating fast and picking up all the crumbs and dropped things under the table (I waitressed for 9 years and this was one of my pet peeves).

I realize I need to probably relax about it. And I'm afraid my uptight-ness will rub off on him.

A few weeks ago we went to a very family-friendly burger place that is also very small. My son was being pretty good, but toward the end of the meal he started yelling "Ah!" at the top of his lungs and cracking himself up. I about died. Mind you, the place was filled with kids!

Being a Type A people pleaser really sucks sometimes.

We went out for diner the first time when our daughter was 3 days old !!

Ever since we are going out 2-3 times a week, we even go to really nice restaurants, our daughter knows how to behave, because she is used to it,.... and I DON`T care what people think !!!!! We love to go out for diner, and it´s important for us to able to do this,....... GO FOR IT !! It´ll be fine !!! trust me

My son is six now so this is easy now.  When he was younger and wanted to take him to a nice restaurant I had two rules.  First, we'd get there as early as possible, hopefully right after the restaurant opened and when there were very few other diners.  Second, I'd always ask for the check to arrive with the food so if we had to we could bail quickly.  

Hey I was just wondering what Archer's shirt says??? It looks so cool!!! :)

To reiterate others: time and place appropriate is all that matters. As an ex-waitress I can say with certainty that yes - 90% of the time kids out to dinner is a bad idea. But it's usually not the kids' fault. Typically, it's because whoever is supposed to be in charge wants (get this)... a night out! So they ignore the children, who become cranky, bored, sad, whatever, and then there's a ruckus.

But if your kids are behaved? If you're not ignoring them and drinking your third martini? Then it's all good.

Also - someone upward in the comments mentioned the 'if there's a fit then leave' scenario, and that's good advice, generally, but NOT if your kid poops on the floor. This happened to me (as the waitress) and the parents just BAILED. Those people are asshats (wherever they are), plain and simply. A waitress should NEVER come back to the table to find a mound of poop. NEVER. Especially not on the night she's meeting her future mother-in-law who is sitting at an adjacent table.

But that's another story.

I am TERRIFIED to eat out.  I have a 2.5 yr old who hates to sit still and a 1.5 yr old who is getting to be the same way.  Neither of which want to sit in a high chair or booster no matter what you bribe them with.  And neither eat very well when outside the home so then I worry the rest of the day about their food intake.  Yeah, we don't eat out often (as a family) and when we do it is at an "off" time at a very kid friendly restaurant.  Good times.

I think everyone is spot-on with appropriateness... time, age, place, etc.

We go out usually once a week, and have since my son was born. We enjoy eating out, and as a full-time working and part-time grad student mom, I am just too tired to cook good food, and don't always want the same three choices in my better half's repertoire.

That being said, I think the parents' attitudes are vital to the children's behavior. I can't stand being in even a family-friendly place where kids are running everywhere and screaming with no rebuke. But I don't mind it when there are kids who are acting up if the parents are DOING something about it. Avoiding the situation all together doesn't fix the problem-- I believe that setting the tone of "ok, this is what we do, and this is how we do it, and you will behave," should be employed here, just like in any situation.

But, after 8pm, or in a quiet place with other people, or that is obviously not family-friendly, or on the expensive end? Dinner for two with a martini, please.

Darling, how droll!

Just leave the children home with the nanny. That's what we do.

Restaurants that allow children are not the kind of place I'd care to dine.

By the way, your husband's head looks so amusing! Did he lose a bet or is that the fashion among his set? You and your little family are just too adorable, with your cute little house and all your fun dressing up in those funny clothes! You have the cutest sense of humor, pretending that you actually go out dressed like that!

My Stu had his head shaved during hazing for his hush-hush secret society at Y*ale but that was donkey's years ago. Stu says the only men who shave their heads nowadays are either gay or in gangs! Maybe things are different in your set?

it's mental that you should mention this today, I read it and I was like THANK YOU! we attempted Friday brunch with the kids and in laws yesterday ( weekend in Dubai is Friday/Saturday) and from the moment we walked in ( to this overly pretentious Golf Club) I was watching the clock for when I could say that the kids need to go home for a nap.

It's a family brunch, laying on face painting and party music outside....( yes, outside, so you're kids never want to come back in to eat, and you are stuck outside all day) So it ends up, with me or my hubs taking turns to take my daughter outside to play while the other wolfs down another course to try and get our money's worth. You don't have a conversation, all the toys you bring end up being picked up off the floor over and over again, whateveer you order, the kids don't want, because the big bouncy castle is far more fun than sitting in a crappy high chair in a stuffy golf club. I felt the same way!

As soon as I got in the car to go home, THEN i could breathe, I just don't enjoy it, I feel out of control, I feel uncomfortable, and I always go home hungry because I can't eat when I'm nervous. My kids are 26 months and 11 months ( just in case anyone's wondering)

it's mental that you should mention this today, I read it and I was like THANK YOU! we attempted Friday brunch with the kids and in laws yesterday ( weekend in Dubai is Friday/Saturday) and from the moment we walked in ( to this overly pretentious Golf Club) I was watching the clock for when I could say that the kids need to go home for a nap.

It's a family brunch, laying on face painting and party music outside....( yes, outside, so you're kids never want to come back in to eat, and you are stuck outside all day) So it ends up, with me or my hubs taking turns to take my daughter outside to play while the other wolfs down another course to try and get our money's worth. You don't have a conversation, all the toys you bring end up being picked up off the floor over and over again, whateveer you order, the kids don't want, because the big bouncy castle is far more fun than sitting in a crappy high chair in a stuffy golf club. I felt the same way!

As soon as I got in the car to go home, THEN i could breathe, I just don't enjoy it, I feel out of control, I feel uncomfortable, and I always go home hungry because I can't eat when I'm nervous. My kids are 26 months and 11 months ( just in case anyone's wondering)

I think the difference is the number of kids.  With one, it's so easy to interact with them directly enough to keep them in line.  I like to take my son to get "special muffins" on the way home from his daycare. It's a good way to spend some time with him before I get home and my daughter needs more attention.  Taking them both out? No way.  It's too much responsibility to be able to enjoy myself. When my daughter gets older, I will enjoy taking her out on "special occasions" too.

Archer's shirt says "Small Paul" as in "small Paul Frank."

I think, perhaps, much of the problem is that we tend to eat out at places that aren't exactly kid-friendly and I'd rather eat in than at most child-friendly places.

Tam, like you, I take Archer out solo - for ice-cream, smoothies, sometimes even a meal after school. Last week Hal and I took Archer out for a late lunch/bowling but a bowling alley is a bowling alley and not a sit-down restaurant where everywhere you turn someone's having a production meeting.

(The last time I took Fable to lunch with me, we were surrounded by studio execs doing deal-talk while Fable hurled pieces of bread at their feet = mortifying.)

Perhaps when Fable's Archer's age, we'll rock the restaurants more often. :)

long time listener, first time caller :)  I really do understand what you speak of, I think only another parent could.  I have friends that say "oh, just bring the girls, it'll be great" and I'm like "why?  so we don't get to talk OR eat?"  Granted it has gotten better.  I have had to muscle through it but I think it has paid off, well, that and that they are a smidge, older 4 and 2.  Really my mother's comments are the best " I took YOU two everywhere WE went when you were little....."

Reminded me of this post of mine from last year...

iheart2girls.blogspot.com/.../how-to-go-out-to-dinner-as-family-of.html

Take care and rock on.

The other day I read a blogger who used the world "sanctimommy."  As in, judgemental women who think they know it all when it comes to parenting.  So, sanctimommies in the crowd here, lay off on those of us who are late (later) night eating families.  Be a little more open minded.

We enjoy going out to eat with our daughter and mostly have save a few particular stages where we didn't.  We're usually not going for a night out but so our whole family can eat something tasty that we don't have to cook - and quite often at lunch or brunch rather than dinner.  Although when traveling, you kinda can't help going out to dinner, either.  I also hate "family friendly places" of the big loud chain variety - but there are in my opinion plenty of places that fit the bill that aren't already loud and don't have overpriced food we don't particularly want.

A casual breakfast joint with brightly colored tables and chairs; The local brazilian meat-skewer-and-buffet place;  the looks-like-a-hole-in-the-wall freshest-sushi-in-town place with a charming sushi chef, 10 tables, and a seat at the bar watching him smile and work; the Chinese takeout place everyone else gets delivery from that has a few tables and a friendly family running the place, etc.

We have almost 4 year old twins. Dining out has not been fun. It's gotten to the point that we rarely do it. Plus it's expensive and I feel like I just bathed a cat afterwards.

-Shannon in Austin, Texas

I am afraid of parks for the very same issues. Well, not quite. My son DID act up in parks when he was younger, being "the rough kid". He's fine now but I still get totally anxious when going to a park, waiting for the dirty looks and snotty comments from other parents. I avoid going. (bad mom)

I say this with the utmost of respect; as long as it's a family friendly restaurant? No one gives a shit. And if they do? They're in the wrong restaurant. Now go eat...

Maybe I'm just totally an idiot, but I've never noticed anyone giving us the eye about having our children at a restaurant. We eat out with them (one is about to turn 3, and one who is 13 months) a couple of times a month. We go early, try to be efficient, and leave a big tip. We've had a to leave early on several occasions, but for the most part, it's not bad. I can count on one hand (one finger, actually) the times we took our (then only) child to a very fancy restaurant - it was our anniversary and our sitter cancelled, so we hauled her along. They were skeptical, but she was, thankfully charming and well-behaved (thank you, anniversary gods!!), and at 5:30 on a Tuesday, let's face it, they didn't have much else to do anyway. But I still wouldn't do it again - especially with two - unless there were absolutely no other choice.

At least you aren't inconveniently forgetful about it.  We will go to a restaurant and remember just after ordering our beverages that this was not a good idea.  My two year old is in the delightful phase that involves chewing food and then absently letting it fall right back out of his mouth.  My one year old is just pissed he hasn't mastered a straw yet.

I couldn't have said it better if I Tried!!!! I loved this post. It made me laugh.... Thanks for writing what I have been too embarrassed to admit for the last 25 months of my life. (aka ever since my daughter was born)