Straight From the Bottle

Right.

Every time I start measuring Marzieh against what she should or should not be doing at this age (almost five months), I try to remind myself that she is normal FOR HER and that most kids end up talking and walking and being productive members of society so CHILL MUMMY.

So, Right.  Also, love colourful springtime Fable!

Well, I don't mean this to be a total downer, but my own daughter's way-above-average head size turned out to be the earliest observable sign of a serious genetic disorder.  I'm all in favor of honoring normal variation and not focusing overly on non-average attributes, but the fact is that while most parental stories about potential worry signs in the early years of life have happy endings, not all of them do, and doctors are necessarily tuned in to those possibilities.  When they double-check unusual measurements, that's why, it's not just to screw with the minds of parents or pay mindless homage to the concept of average.  I'd be thrilled to have a kid with a giant head if was a variation instead of a symptom.

Eh, sorry.  I'm glad you have a large and lovely daughter with nothing wrong with her, but sometimes that's not the way it works out and it'd give my liver to have had a slightly stressful followup appointment ending in the relief of everything being fine.  

So, I'm going to follow Diera up with another downer story. My son is small and behind schedule. Both were "slightly worisome" from about 8 or 9 months. Last week, at 16 months, he was diagnosed with a rare genetic disorder that explains it all.

If there had been more worry earlier, he may have been diagnosed sooner. (Though, honestly, it probably wouldn't have made much of a difference.)

So, like Diera said, there are reasons why doctors make parents worry - because sometimes, sadly, there is a need to.

I'm so sorry to hear that Diera and you're totally right. It's better to be safe than sorry I do realize and there's a reason for follow-up appointments and tests and it's easy for me to be like "psh, whatever doctors" when everything turns out fine.

That being said I think we've given statistics far more importance than need be. I mean what the hell is the difference between a 76% percentile and a 97% and are these the percentiles in the US? The Western World? The entire world? And what do they have to do with anything? And why are handed graphs and charts like they're supposed to mean EVERYTHING.

The "what is average at what age" talk seldom takes into consideration that average is what is in the MIDDLE of small/late/slow and big/early/fast...  Instead it's like we're all striving for what charts as "normal" and I think that mentality is potentially hazardous to ALL of our health.

It's all relative. They measure against some cultural norm.

Every time our wee Skyler is examined they remark about how small she is.

Me: "Small compared to whom? All other kid's or all other DUTCH kids?"

Them: "DUTCH kids."

Me: "I hate to be Captain Obvious here, but I'm American and my hubs is Scottish.  I'm 5'3" on a good day. Oh course she's small?"

Them: "Oh, but still. She's small for Holland..."

Me: "ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

And, so the argument continues to rage.

so.

totally.

lam.

Our youngest daughter is 9 months old and is off the charts too at 25 lbs.  Her older sister (exactly a year older than her) was about as big at her age and continues to be off the charts, weighing as much as our oldest son but about 6 inches shorter than him.  All of the women on my side of the family were all big during their childhood and still are - I'm 5'8", my mom is 5'9", and I have an aunt who's 6'.  And, everyone who sees our son when we're out and about thinks that he's too skinny compared to the girls (he's not - he falls in the 50th percentile because of his height). I've gotten advice from our pediatrician and the dietitian at the WIC office, but as long as the girls are active, I'm not concerned at this point because I know growth spurts are right around the corner.

Pumpkinpie was pretty average, hovering around 65% and crossing 20 lbs at about 1 year. She slowed down to about 25-35% a year or two ago, so they had me come in again in 6 months to see if she had gained some back or not. now she regularly clocks in a little low, but it seems to be her regular.

The Bun, on the other hand, crossed 20 lbs at 6 mos. like your Fable, and because charts are slightly higher for boys, sits in the 90-somethings. He's MASSIVE. But other than ultrasounding his enormo head before we left the hospital (which involved him having gel in his hair at three days old - hmmm)(and both my kids had 95% heads), my doc has just said it looks like they have very different builds, and this is what he's like. He may slow down at some point. Whatever, he's healthy.

To answer your primary question about baby heads and "what would have happened if it wasn't? Tests? Cat-scans? Helmets? Me being worried for (most likely) no reason?' That's what happened to Heather with Leta over at dooce.com  I was unable to find the entry, but tests, cat scans, and outrageous health insurance issues is exactly what it lead to.

Usually I am not one to say, "You're the mom, you know best!" but in cases where we're talking about whether your child is "normal" or not,  you're probably a better judge than your pediatrician. Doctors know a lot about medicine and the benefits of vaccination and so forth, but you spend all day observing your child engaging with the world, you strike me as a realistic and sane woman-- you probably would have picked up on a legit developmental disorder.

My Beef is also "off the charts" but what the eff does that mean when every third mom you talk to says the same thing. Maybe they should redo these charts, cause umm... big babies abound.

There's a reason those measurements and milestones are called "average." Because some kids are below the curve and others are above it. It's easy to forget that though, when it's your kid being judged as "not average." It's all a matter of persepective, though. I like to think my two off-the-charts big-headed boys just need more room for all their brains!!

Right on lady.

I'm glad everything is okay.  I wrote before that Theo got tested for the big melon and everything was all good.  He didn't crawl until right before his 1st birthday and only just started walking at 15 months.  People were all "OH! He's not WALKING yet?" and then give me the long pause.  No he's not.  He's huge.  YOU try bipping around with 30 pounds of kid--not so easy when learning a new skill eh?

So pshaw.  I'm glad Fable and Archer are so beyond perfect.  All kids should be measured up against THEM :-)

Oh the old "Off the Charts" categorization - we know it well. Our now 4 year old daughter was and still is a big girl. At 7 months she was 23 pounds too - and at a year, she tipped the scales at 29lbs! Super tall too and she still is - easily almost a full head above most of her preschool classmates. AND - she never crawled. Walked at 14 months, never "traditionally" babbled and didn't start talking, really talking until after her 3rd bday (turned out to have Childhood Apraxia of Speech). Even in the midst of all of our pit in our stomach worry, EEG's, MRI's (to rule out serious reasons for the speech delay) she was the sweetest, most social little girl. She didn't let it slow her down for a second. She is AWESOME and perfect in our eyes. Now she doesn't stop talking, is still a tall, solid little lady, perfectly proportioned weighing in at about 53 lbs.

Our newest baby girl just weighed in at 20 lbs and is nearly 7 months.

In my opinion - just more to love! Cheers to thriving, happy, healthy babies : )

My daughter is 17.5 months old. She is 19.5 pounds.  She wears 12/18 month clothing. 5th percentile baby! Except for her head. That's sitting squarely at 50th percentile.  So what does this mean?  NOTHING. She's perfect just like Fable.  We are so lucky that there is such a wide wide spectrum of "normal" and that there has been nothing seriously wrong with our girls.  My heart goes out to those mommas who had totally different outcomes for their large/small babies, and hearing those stories just makes me thankful instead of irritated whenever some random stranger feels it necessary to comment on my daughter's size.

Right!

I just got back from spending a weekend camping with my 14 month old and another couple with a 12 month old.  Our boy is practically running now, his walking is getting so strong, and he's into everything, but he hasn't really shown much sign of talking.  He says mama, dada, and now hi, but that's really it.  Their girl, on the other hand, isn't even crawling yet, but she can name half a dozen animal sounds, waves hello and goodbye, points out flowers and birds.  

Our boy eats like a champ, but only purees or bread products.  Any other solid gets spit out immediately, followed by a look of pure disdain.  Their girl, on the other hand, doesn't really have much interest in eating, but happily accepts just about anything you put in front of her when she is eating.

Sadly, I think that both sets of parents spent a good portion of the weekend wondering why their kid didn't do all the wonderful things the other kid was doing.  I'm betting that a year or two from now, both kids will be walking and talking just fine, and we'll have mostly forgotten who did what first.

It's too bad that we spend so much time worrying about how our kids are developing.  I agree that it's important to keep an eye out for potential problems, and it can be hard to tell what's a warning sign and what's just harmless variation, but parents are just under too much stress.

My Lola has always been off the charts as well.  Its to be expected with 2 above-average height parents.  I love that she is tall and different and lazy... aka not crawling at 9 months.  I don't have to chase her around and it means she still needs me that much more.  ;)  She was the same weight as Fable at 8 months and I'm sure she'll be at least 24 lbs at her 9 month check up tomorrow. To each child, their own.  I am not going to let anyone get me worked up over what she can and can't do!

The first time I took Dorian to a doctor, at 3 weeks old, she freaked out and said, "Your kid is WAY too thin, you aren´t feeding him right, he´s going to have to go back to the hospital." She pointed out his super scrawny legs with the flappy skin as a sign of malnutrition. I should mention he´d been in the hospital for the first 2 weeks of his life for a birth defect that required surgery, so he´d been on an IV the entire time. So that left one week for me to totally screw my kid up by not feeding him right.

Then she put him on the scale and he weighed 9 lbs. And she ate her words because apparently? My kid is just long. To this day he´s skinny as all get out, but he´s healthy and strong, so we´re good.

As for milestones, Dorian started talking at 4 months, but didn´t crawl until 11 and walked at 15. I was about to give birth to his brother by the time he decided that walking might be a good skill to learn! And the second? He came out walking, practically! But he didn´t start talking until recently. Dorian has babbled nonstop since infancy, but his physical skills are just about on par with his brother´s, who is 16 months younger, and Dante is the opposite, ahead in physical stuff and behind in words. I figure it just means they won´t be competing with each other in the same arenas. :)

You don't strike me as the kind of person who does everything on the predictable, "normal" path.  Why would you expect that from your offspring?  Development schedules are a guide, try not to stress!  Resist the urge to compare with other people's kids too, a waste of energy.  Someone has to be in the highest or lowest percentile of a category, everyone can't be safe in the middle.  Your babes will likely color outside of the lines, think outside the box and take the road less travelled too.  Rebels.

I love her name! Luella is so adorable. And I also love her clothes! You're a cool mom. :)

I have to know where you get all the leg warmers Fable wears....they are awesome!!! and of course Fable is adorable as always...and who cares if anyone thinks she may be "abnormal"

My niece was ginormous at birth (more than 9 lbs, with like a 15 cm head or something. ow). She was ginormous as a toddler, as in, she looked like a 4 year old at 2 and was the same size as her sister who was 22 months older than she. Nine years later she's still pretty tall (but her dad's Dutch) but incredibly "normal" sized. Incredibly smart too. Big head = big brain :)

Little Miss Kickboxer's in the 75th percentile for height and weight, and in the 30th or so for head circumference, which had me panic the other day and google the crap out of "small head" "microcephaly" and the like.  Not a good idea.

Averages etc. suck.  I'm with you.

Look at those rolls on the last picture!  She is scrumptious and perfect!

This is what I hate about statistics: I feel like we hear them ALL the time, and they rarely do us any good.

I mean, how is it helpful for me to know that Westley is in the 50th percentile for height--for two-year-olds (he's 18 months). To me, framing it that way says, "He's freakishly large," not "Your son is tall." It bothers me that my head is filled up with statistics--"1 in 3 children will this, 68% of mothers will that"--that I don't really need because they're kind of meaningless in the long run.

I'm all for checking to be sure things are all right, but putting so much weight on charts and graphs and average numbers sucks.

My son's head was also deemed "a little to large on average."  We did end up getting an scan done (he was older than your cutie-pie) and everything was fine.  I know my instincts told me everything was fine, but you worry.  You know?

My babe is still only 4mo so the only 'rankings" we get are for height and weight (she's small), but one of my aims as a parent is to not give a rat's about her developmental pace. In good time she will become who she is and the best I can do is practice a parent's version of AA: accept the things I can't push, push what I can, and wisdom to know the difference. Amen and pass the wine!

They worry about head size because if it is disproportionately large (which Fable's clearly is not) it may be indicative of hydrocephalus (accumulation of water in the the brain space), which at Fable's age generally doesn't cause any symptoms, but can be very serious down the line. I was an ENORMOUS baby with a giant head- I still have a giant head (have never been able to find an off the rack hat that fits, ever) but am 5'2" and Asian american. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, 'charts'!

Hey Rebecca,

Jack had a gigantic head, and they scheduled an ultrasound for him at the Kaiser in Anaheim. Turns out he comes from a family of giant headed people. My birthfather can't even wear a normal baseball cap! He was fine and he's grown into his head nicely. As for his early intervention, he has tested out of his pre-school (yay!) so I'm putting him into half-days until kindergarten. He was just a late talker as well.

I'm off to your neck of the woods tonight! My girlfriend convinced me we should tromp off to Hollywood to see Rocky Horror. Midnight show. Not sure if we'll be dressing or not. I've never been and fear I'm too old for this these days! (We'll see in the morning!)

Heather!

P.S. Does your Fable have red hair? Have I asked that before? La! Have a wonderful night!

i have to agree with the ladies of the "downer" stories and with you as well. there is a "norm" for a reason. because it is normal for children to do certain things at certain times. it just is. BUT...i think that we need to keep in mind that yes, average does mean middle. there is a wide range spectrum of normal and children may be at the low end, high end or right in the middle but being on that spectrum is a sign that things are okay. it's when they are given the leeway and start slipping past the low end and fall off the "chart" that there is cause for concern and then there is a need for further testing.

I am a preschool teacher and have kids come to me at age 3 who are obviously special needs and no one has noticed. they chalk it up to being unique when that's not the case. if their doctor had paid a little more attention to the charts and the ranges of normalcy then perhaps they could've gotten help earlier.

I have to vote for better safe than sorry on this one.

ooh and while you're updating...can you update Archer's status as being on the spectrum? you had mentioned all the testing and therapy and then wrote about how he's on the spectrum in some capacity (pretty sure that's what i read- if i'm wrong i apologize- don't hate me!!) Do you still think he's on or has he tested off...whatever happened with that?(if you wrote about it i apologize-again-maybe i just missed it)

Hey, Jessica! No worries! Yeah - I'm pretty sure I wrote about it but maybe on GGC? Archer tested fine for everything except speech about 1.5 years ago. He was diagnosed with "speech delay" and has since caught up like crazy. We were told he could even start Kindergarten early which is crazy coming from a child who was at the speech level of a 1.5 year old on his 3rd Birthday. He was just on his own time. As I suspected. :)

yay for Archer! Thanks for the update. Your family is beautiful.

Remember Ed Big Head from Rocko's Modern Life? How about Zippy the Pinhead? If you have any artistic talent you could draw a cartoon called "Baby Big Head" that lampoons conformity and bourguoise values.