Who’s Afraid of Rebecca Woolf?
I know this may come to a shock to those of you who have been reading my blog(s) but I’ve always been famous for my inability to be confrontational in any and all situations. I’ve always hated conflict and have been known to freeze at the precise times I should be speaking up.
Wrong coffee order? It’s fine. I’ll drink it anyway!
Bad service at a restaurant? No worries! Here’s 20%!
Screwed on my phone bill? Oh well.
Cut in front of in line? No worries!
I don’t make a phone calls or write letters of complaint when I get screwed. That’s just not my style. Even in Archer’s baby days, when strangers made snide remarks about the fact that I wasn’t breastfeeding, I didn’t fight back. I just sat there. Mainly because what the hell’s the use in saying something? Especially to someone I don’t care about. This is probably why I’m attracted to wildly confrontational people. My husband, for instance, who will stay on hold for three hours in order to yell at our cable provider or file a complaint against a police officer who cited me (or him) “improperly.” My friends are the same way. They’re badasses in ways I’ll never be. I think it’s all about the balance. I’m too laid back in most cases. Something people can smell from miles away and regularly take advantage of. (Unfortunately, in my case, many times.)
But that, my fine friends was THEN. Something snapped in recent years and now I’m a changed woman. How did this happen, you ask? Two words: Archer.
It all started two years ago in the sandbox. Archer was playing nicely with his shovel and bucket when all of a sudden, an older boy snatched the shovel out of Archer’s hands. Without thinking I got up, rolled up my sleeves and literally tackled the boy to the ground.
“This isn’t yours. And if you take it again, I’ll end you.” I said.
Okay, so I didn’t really say that but I did tear the toy from his hand and make him go back and apologize to Archer for being a jerk. (I would have effed some ish up with the parents, had any of them been
there. Our park is 95% nanny operated and 90% of these nannies just
hang on the sidelines and gossip, ignoring the actions of the children
they care for, leaving people like me with no choice but to discipline. So annoying.) The kid stayed away from Archer and from me for the rest of the afternoon. I would even go so far as to say he looked a little scared.
Could it be? Had Motherhood suddenly made me ballsy? Intimidating? Someone bullies might even come to fear?
And stay out!
Whoa. What happened? My mom is turning into a kind of badass.
Over the years there have been plenty of times shovels were stolen, so to speak. Because some kids steal shovels. And so over and over I steal them back, explaining to Archer that if something has your name on it, and someone wants to take it from you, that’s just not cool. Asking? A different story. Taking? No way, Jose.
Because of this, or maybe because Archer’s more like me in his non-confrontational-ness, Archer has never stolen a shovel. Not to say that he won’t one day, and I hope if/when he does someone reprimands him if I’m not there to. Because shovel-stealing JUST WILL NOT DO!
And if parents/nannies don’t want to be the ones to teach their kids the importance of kindness, then how the hell can I keep my mouth shut? Case in point, the other day, when I had to break up a fight between two eight-year-olds who were kicking the shit out of one another as their father read the newspaper a mere five feet away. Archer and several other kids his age were watching in horror, so I grabbed both kids by their shirts and told them to “go beat each other up somewhere besides the Barnes and Noble train area! There are little kids here trying to PLAY WITH THOMAS AND FRIENDS, YOU HEAR ME?” The kids scurried off, followed by their dad, who looked like he was waiting for me to reprimand him, too.
And stay out!
I suddenly felt like a superhero, fighting injustice and the bullies of America! Protecting the peace with my newfound ability to speak up and protect my kid.
These days I don’t just feel like I’m speaking out to protect/set an example for Archer. More and more I find myself looking out for myself, too. I’m proud to say that I now speak up when given the wrong coffee order. Hell! I even said something to the bitch who cut in front of me in line at the post office last week! Something I would have never done had motherhood not taught me the ways of the Samurai.
So thank you, Archer. For teaching me to stand strong and speak up. First for you, and now, for myself. If I ever write another book about being a mom, I think I’ll call it: How Motherhood made me a Scary Badass Mofo.
Has a certain ring to it. Don’t you think?
***
Heh, I very much know the feeling. Since having my little booga I’ve become a lot more assertive which is actually good. Just the other day I told those people at Panera to remake my sandwich because I was all alone with a squirmy booga in hand and had to speak up. Never did that before. ^^
Ah but by the way I love your blog and Archer is just downright adorable! Well power to the mammas!
Oh My GAWD that it totally your next book title!!
I have to say it’s kind of appalling how frequently you encounter parents that just don’t parent their kids. Now I’m at the point where I just intervene (if the kid is at my house)!
Motherhood has done the same for me. I feel like I have to take on any injustice I see, when back in the day I was content to sit back and let someone else deal with it, and light the bong again (but that’s a story for another time, heh).
If you see really bad nannies in your area, you might want to check out isawyournanny.blogspot.com. You can post an anonymous warning to parents if their nanny is really bad or inattentive to his/her charges.
I love your blog!
OH MAN! If motherhood does that to you, I should reconsider trying to have a baby! I’m way to confrontational as it is. My guy is more like you but I’ve noticed that the longer we live together, the more confrontational he’s becoming. I don’t mean he’s a shit starter – just that he’s beginning to take up for himself.
Once a few years ago my newphew said some crazy disrespectful shit at the table at McDonald’s and before I even realized what I was doing, I’d jumped over the table and snatched him up by his shirt collar. My grandma was there! She looked at me like I was insane.
You are a badass! And I know what you mean. I feel so much more empowered now. Like even when I’m standing up for myself I’m standing up for my boys! Wonder Mom Power Activate!
When my daughter was about a week old, her (ex) pediatrician told me to take her to the pediatric emergency room in the middle of a frigid January for a test she was having done to cover her behind. Which I did (I would argue now). The emergency room waiting room was full to overflowing, and I remember thinking, “Well, I have to be this child’s advocate, because she can’t speak for herself.” So I asked if we could cut in line, and they said, Good Lord, of course, she’s only a week old and it’s the middle of January.
Lesson learned.
Go you!
Also, I love Archer’s face in that picture.
ha ha – it certainly sounds as though motherhood does wonders for your “stick-up-to-it-iveness”!! My Mum has her own story that goes something like this…she is very nonconfrontational and just does NOT like arguing or anything like that, but….one day, her little boy (now 31!!) one day came home from the playground with a ring mark on his face. She was SOOOO mad that she went up the playground, found the teenager who’d hit Andy and practically thrust him against the wall and gave him what for!! Of course, you have to bear in mind that Mum is a shorty and this teenager was probably taller than her, but you can be sure that he never hit Andy again!
I find it amazing what children do to all of your pre-conceived notions of yourself. If one of those parents happened to have been around, I think you would have found yourself wit the skills of a Kung-fu master because that is the magic around kids.
Totally. It’s like you suddenly have superpowers that you had no idea you were capable of having.
I’m totally there too. It seems my son just brought this out in me. I still won’t really report bad service or things like that, but when it comes to him, I’ll fight to the death!
HA! Good for you! I was the same way. Sure, I could hold my own at work, but personally, I would side step stuff that required too much piss n’ vinegar. My husband is even worse. Then I had two kids and realized that it is not only my job to protect them from the world’s craziness, but also to teach them how to deal with it. I’ve taken on a bat-sht-crazy neighbor, yelled at customer service reps (a well-designed potty chair does NOT result in urine all over the floor), even held my ground in line muttering “we’re ALL waiting patiently here!” I call it the “mama bear syndrome”… watch out!
OMGAH that is totally me!!! I was so shy and standoffish growing up and even as a young adult…then motherhood happened and then BAM…all of a sudden I was speaking out to people. It was like someone just unsnapped my jaw and angry words spewed out against injustices against my daughter. I also learned to stand up for myself these days too.
I like what mrs. q. called it: “Mama Bear Syndrome” Because that is exactly what it is.
I love you Rebecca! You read my mind and put it on this wonderful blog. I, too, have grown a pair (so to speak) since the birth of my son. Now, pregnant with my second, I don’t see my new-found confidence going away any time soon… and why would I? I definitely kick more ass now than ever before- in more ways than one!
Oh thi is so true, that you just can’t remain laid-back and cool in every situation! i think that’s because now we understand that that our time and money is now also the time and money that should rather be dedicated to our children, so we caqn’t afford to let others take adventage of us. I recently stopped some man from cutting the line in front of me by saying, Ive got a small baby at home. He had nothing to say..
Two words: MOTHER. HEN.
‘Splains it all.
You’re hilarious! I’d read that book if you write it. I’m finding my voice more and more these days. Who else is going to speak up for my boys if I don’t?
More power to you.
Hi Bec,
For me it was motherhood and age.
My husband always said that his mom is so old she’ll say anything to anybody, and I never understood what he meant. Until now. I’m about halfway there. I stand up, but I’m not rude. Apparently, it’s only a matter of time…
Heather, mom to Jack and Collette
Can you please tell me where you got this t-shirt? I love it.