Life on the road is a pretty surreal place to be. I’ve been gone almost a week now and I feel like I’m operating in some kind of alternate, dream-like universe.
I speak to Hal every day and chat with Archer on the computer. But we’re all very busy and Archer seems to be more interested in playing with his train or riding his bike or coloring his CARS coloring book than kissing the computer screen when I ask him to.
He misses me of course. He calls out for me in the mornings to fetch him from his crib, Hal tells me, and at night I dream about him smiling at me from fogged-windows.
But still. At the end of the day or the hour or the moment, after I hang up the phone with Hal or close the computer on Archer's smiling face, I’m with someone else’s family. Being cooked for and cleaned after and cared for. And then at night I read about my kid and my husband and my family in front of friends and strangers and people ask where Archer is and I say “he’s with his Dad” and people ask if I miss him and I say “yes” because of course I miss him. It’s impossible not to miss him. But at the same time, whoa. This is a really special experience I’m having and it kind of feels right that I’m spending it alone.
I keep reminding myself, whenever I feel sad or guilty for leaving Archer, that this is my time. My moment. My experience and how very important that is. That just as important as it is for me to support and nurture my family I must also support and nurture myself. So I am. And I’m having a grand old time. Getting dressed up, getting manicures with Kendra. And having slumber parties with Erica and spending time with cousins and friends and meeting incredible people who show up to my events, true blue.
And it’s damn cool. It really is. I hope to do it again one day. It’s kind of like living in a dream.
I’m having this Carrie Bradshaw moment right now, typing away at the Oakland terminal in a beret and very high boots, smoking a water bottle and staring longingly out the window overlooking the long security line.
And I can’t help but wonder if one appreciates her solitude that much more after she has a family. Before Archer I don’t know that I ever would have felt so moved by such a mediocre airport café, drinking (let’s be honest) a pretty godawful smoothie and watching people follow one another through a metal detector.
But right now? I feel like this may just be the high point of my life. Or at the very least, one of my all-time top fives.
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This Week's Appearances
Saturday, April 26th, 4:30pm Elliott Bay Books: SEATTLE
Tuesday, April 29th, 7:00pm Sophia Books, VANCOUVER
