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Straight From the Bottle

Puff The Most Depressing Dragon Ever

I'm afraid Archer's going through his Morrissey phase (musically, I mean.) He has a new-found love for sadness and hauntingly depressing melodies and lyrics. For example, Archer knows all the melodies to the Once (Swell Season) soundtrack. He can even sing half the lyrics to Falling Slowly and did so during their moving performance at The Academy Awards. The room went silent when little Archer started singing along to the television, the only child in attendance (per usual) belting out "raise yo hooodoo voooy you ahhhh a dooooice" (raise your hopeful voice/ you have a choice) and any one who wasn't wiping the tears from their cheeks probably and most likely left their souls in El Segundo. With their wallets. Seriously. I was sobbing in my dip.

 

Usually, parents can rest assured that their Children's Music will be jubilant and even silly! In fact, in my experience kid's music is (usually) sublimely happy to the point of annoyance. Songs about Octopus' gardens and shaking one's sillies out, etc. But Puff the Magic Dragon? I wonder how many people offed themselves listening to Puff the Magic Dragon: the saddest, most depressing song ever written. And guess who's obsessed? OBSESSED. Archer could not be more in love with a song. 

 

Keeper of the Slide

 

"Puff! Again! Puff! AGAIN!!!"

 

"Archer! NO! I cannot listen to that song again. I can't bear it!"

 

"Again! PUFF! AGAIN! AGAINAGAINAGAIN PUFF PUFF PUFF!"

 

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" 

 

Because, seriously folks, could anything be more depressing for a parent? To be reminded of the most certain fact that someday our children will grow up to be dragon-killers? Sheesh, louish.

 

A dragon lives forever but not so little girls and boys? Painted rings and giant's things make way for other toys? (Oh, God! No!) One gray night it happened, Jackie Paper came no more? (Why? Jackie Paper! COME BACK!!!) Puff that Mighty dragon he ceased his fearless roar? (Come on, Puff! Roar! Please roar!!!) His head was bent in sorrow? (God, noooooo!!!) Green scales fell like rain? (Can't you glue them back? Oh, Puff! Say you can!) Puff no longer came to play upon the cherry lane? (Somebody do something! SOMEBODY!) Without his lifelong friend, Puff could not be brave. So Puff that mighty dragon sadly slipped into his cave? (NOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooo x infinity...)  

 

 

I'm sorry, but if this song doesn't make you cry you have no soul.  NO SOUL, I say!

 

Anyway, in the spirit of emo-Archer, do any of your kids have a heartbreaking favorite song? Anyone's kid rocking out to Nina Simone singing Mr. Bojangles? or Elliot Smith's Waltz #2?  Gimme something to cry about, people.

 

*** 


Comments

 

deia said:

I learned the first couple of verses of Puff in school, so when my parents were at a Spanish kid-friendly bar wih a karaoke machine, 7 year old me grabbed the song book, spotted Puff and went up to the front to sing. After my verses, I turned to the screen to see more verses appearing. I figured it was easy enough to fit the new words scrolling by to the familiar tune, and so sang the rest of the song. 'Course I'd never heard the middle and end verses, so by the last verses my words were all stuttery and I was crying.

Never sang Puff again O_o

March 15, 2008 5:41 AM
 

mombo said:

There was a cartoon special of Puff when I was a kid (probably very late 70s/early 80s era) that I was obsessed with. Loved everything about it, especially the emotional kick.

The children in my house are listening to the "Colours are Brighter" anthology these days, and I find the song "I Am an Astronaut" to be somewhat poignant:

"Mommy is asleep and Dad's away and I am an astronaut..."

March 15, 2008 8:22 AM
 

Mandy said:

You made me cry just READING those lyrics!!!

My soul is ripe with angst during a song like that. I was like Archer as a child in that I just swam in the bittersweetness of those sad, sad, songs.

You absolutely crack me up in your portrayal of how YOU handle his constant need for it.  ha ha!  Your commentary.  :-)  haha!

My girls' favorite song of late is "Traveling Soldier" by the Dixie Chicks.  We happened upon it one day flipping through the channels, and they were both crying and singing along by the end of it.  I told them that I had that CD somewhere, and they wanted me to dig it up.  My youngest asks for the "dying guy's" song whenever we get in the car.  Oh boy.  

March 15, 2008 8:30 AM
 

Heather said:

OK, my 9 year old was in an actual Morrissey phase last year. Her favorite song was "First of the Gang to Die" from "You are the Quarry" with "Everyday is Like Sunday" a close second. Seriously. But have no fear (?), now she's all about Hannah Montana....grr!! How I miss the melancholy Mozzer!

March 15, 2008 9:43 AM
 

Tara said:

There's a new children's book of "Puff" that has all the words, but a slightly different ending.  Just as Puff is sadly slipping into his cave, you see a little girl peeking around the corner -- a new friend to play with Puff.  That song breaks my heart too, but the idea that Puff is always there for other kids is a big help.  (*sniffle*)

March 15, 2008 9:47 AM
 

diera said:

My son's favorite sad songs used to be on Johnny Cash's kid's album.  They'd make him freak out nightly and then he'd want them again.

March 15, 2008 10:11 AM
 

jenifer said:

its not really depressing cause gus gets all emotional over sad songs but he loooooves walking with a ghost by teagan and sarah...i mean loves it, haha.

March 15, 2008 11:36 AM
 

Jasmin said:

My 2 1/2 year old can sing the whole Once soundtrack as well haha, but one of the sadder songs she knows is "White Daisy Passing" by Rocky Votolato... "I'm going down to sleep on the bottom of the ocean, Cause I couldn’t let go when the water hit the setting sun"...

poo hoo hoo hoo..

March 15, 2008 12:37 PM
 

Tracey said:

Ha! Until I read this post I hadn't thought much what I listened to as a kid. But I remember Simon & Garfunkel over and over and over and over again. Other than "Cecilia" that stuff is pretty somber.

My toddler likes bluegrass, and though I enjoy it for awhile, all of that twangling and sliding can get old QUICK.

March 15, 2008 1:15 PM
 

Gene said:

I was one of those kids that liked the dark songs as well as the happy ones. My sister and I are recording artists and just released a lullaby cd (our first foray into children's music), and it actually includes two very sad songs about kids growing up ("Watercolour Ponies" and "You'll Never Be Too Old (For a Lullaby)"), which are definitely there more for the adults. It's cool how kids learn to deal with those emotions through song.

www.StardustLullaby.com

www.StardustLullaby.blogspot.com

March 15, 2008 4:29 PM
 

GirlsGoneChild said:

Tracey-- I grew up with Simon and Garfunkel as well and Cat Stevens. Morning Has Broken, Father and Son (OH MY GOD, SADDEST SONG EVER EVER EVER.) and Moonshadow were my favorites. That shit still chokes me up.

Jasmin-- that song sounds like a good one to add to the "suicidal parent mixtape" along with Puff. Sheesh.

Tara-- We have that book! It comes with the CD, er, the CD came with the book. We have it! But the lyrics are still the same. You're right, though. With the little girl there is hope for Puff yet.

Mandy-- "The Dying Guys Song" kills me. That is too cute, funny and oh-so-sad. Sad, sad children we have...

March 15, 2008 4:47 PM
 

Lindsey said:

AAAH! I love that Archer sings the Once soundtrack! That's brilliant. He might be into Bonnie 'Prince' Billy - The Letting Go.

March 15, 2008 8:19 PM
 

Amy said:

I made a pretty awesome custom lullaby mix when my first son was a newborn (James is almost the exact age as Archer - my troublemaker was born 5-28-05) I made 2 CDs of Beatles, Doors, Paul Simon, Louis Armstrong, Smashing Pumpkins, etc.

But I think I must have been suffering from some mild PPD at the time because I included some seriously depressing numbers on there. Oh yes I have "Puff", plus "Cats in the Cradle," Allison Krause singing "Baby Mine" (you know the one from Dumbo when the Mama elephant is locked up and rocking him through the bars)and Richard Marx "Angel's Lullaby" which has a line "So tell me how/ to stop the years from racing/ is there a secret someone knows/ I'll never catch all the memories I'm chasing/ never be ready to let go"  

Needless to say I would be leaning over his crib watching him sleep, listening to these songs and WEEPING until snot poured from my nose onto his little bald head.

Now that he no longer naps and is climbing onto my kitchen counters all day long whilst ordering me about like I am his personal assistant/slave I just keep in mind that by 7pm I will have my little angel back as he blissfully passes out to his music. Seriously, he was such a good baby until I got pregnant again when he was 18 months old. I think he's going to outdo himself on naughtiness when he turns 3 (Thankfully he'll start some part time nursery school in September)  

James is really into Jack Johnson's "Curious George" stuff lately. Also he is constantly ordering me to sing "This Old Man" with the guy playing knick-knack on whatever silly thing he calls out at the time.  Which can really become an incredibly exhausting task after about 9000 verses.

Needless to say my younger son(almost 7 months) has not had the luxury of custom mixes made for him. Nor have I wept over his sleeping head. Instead I've wept over his thrashing head accompanied by his screams of colic (rather than by Tom Petty's twang or Bono's lilting brogue).

March 15, 2008 9:06 PM
 

Jeannine said:

Naked as we came....Iron and Wine.

Iron and Wine has been soothing his cries since he was born.  Never fails to calm him down even after almost 2 years.

March 15, 2008 10:33 PM
 

GirlsGoneChild said:

Oh, sheesh. Jeannine. Naked as we came? You're KILLING me! and Amy, Dumbo is probably the most upsetting film ever if you're a mom. That Baby Mine song made me cry even as a child! You must be some kind of masochist! Ahhh!!!!

March 16, 2008 1:42 AM
 

Tracey said:

Dumbo, Bambi, Nemo, 101 Dalmatians, all of that shit is scary in retrospect. And all about losing a parent, possibly forever. WTF Disney? And that one little fat dalmatian who couldn't quite keep up. OMG, I worried so much for that little fat puppy! That's an awful lot for little kids to think about.

No wonder so many people are anxious, neurotic, and alcoholic!

Ahem.

March 17, 2008 10:30 AM
 

kd said:

Oh, yeah... our favorite lullaby CD is The Cure - Rockaby Baby's lullaby renditions.  Sweet, sweet, SAD.  You haven't really wept until you've rocked your sleeping newborn baby girl while singing "Just like heaven" and "love song."  

In all fairness, I'm not sure if she really notices these are sad songs, or just thinks "Hey, Naptime" when she hears them.

:)

K  

March 17, 2008 1:49 PM
 

Candes said:

When I was young I really like that song, "Billy don't be a hero..." course I can't recall the name but it was during a time my Dad was off in the Army, a stint that didn't last long due to a broken leg.

Tucker likes just about anything and Carsen, my 1 yr old (tomorrow) will bounce to anything w/ a beat.

March 17, 2008 2:04 PM
 

Tortured Mama said:

I heard puff the magic dragon was actually about smoking weed.  Also makes sense when you read the lyrics over again with this in mind. When I think about it this way, it's a lot less sad.

March 17, 2008 4:43 PM
 

GirlsGoneChild said:

Ah, yes. But sadly the weed thing was just a rumor. Sigh...

March 17, 2008 5:00 PM
 

Abbie said:

I spent a year nannying a little girl whose favorite song in the whole entire world was "Day is Done" by Peter, Paul and Mary.

Seriously, just as sad as Puff. Although watching a three-year-old sing along to a song about being a parent is almost as funny as it is heartbreaking.

March 17, 2008 7:20 PM
 

KMat said:

I guess I'm lucky my kids rock out to Black Sabbath and the Ramones...

March 17, 2008 9:19 PM
 

Amanda said:

I guess I'm lucky also, my little boy sings all the songs from HairSpray. Nothing like a four year old singing "Ladies Choice".

March 18, 2008 1:36 AM
 

Lindsey said:

Right now my son is way in to Elton John's Rocket Man.  The entire song is a bummer (Mars ain't the kind of place to raise your kids, in fact it's cold as hell), but he loves the "Oh no, no, no" and sings right along.

I totally agree about Puff being the most depressing song as a parent.  I loved Puff but I'm not putting it in the rotation yet.  I'm just not ready.  I got all teary just reading the lyrics.

March 18, 2008 2:14 PM
 

trieber said:

My son went through a phase when he really liked the song "American Pie" by Don Mclean.  There's something really disturbing about hearing your 5 year old sing "this will be the day that I die"

March 18, 2008 4:50 PM
 

Tracey said:

Lindsey, I remember loving Bennie and the Jets when I was a kid  because I loved the "B-B-B-Bennie and the Jets" part. I think that's how it is for kids. I also loved "Hit the Road Jack" by Ray Charles just because even at the tender young age of 5 I knew it meant that it's time for somebody to get the hell out. I thought that was hilarious.  

March 18, 2008 8:27 PM
 

superblondgirl said:

Mine loves Puff, too, but it always makes him cry.  So we listen, we cry, we listen again.  It's torture.

He also really likes Morrissey, though, so maybe he's just an emo kind of 5 year old.

March 19, 2008 8:09 AM
 

india wallis said:

My little guy knows most of the words to Death Cab for Cutie's I Will Follow You Into the Dark.  "Loomahnate de nos on dere vacancy signs."  But the song that he asks for *constantly* is the Kooks' Ooh La.  Not as sorrowful, but still weird to hear your kid sing "beauty's card that muss get played ... by organizations!"

Someday, he will have ample material to discuss with his therapist.

March 19, 2008 4:59 PM
 

Jennifer said:

My 3yo loves sad songs -- Puff is one, but the real kicker is "The Unicorn Song." I knew it by the Irish Rovers as a kid, and she got it on a mix tape by some band called the Nields.... So freaking depressing. It's all about how when Noah built the ark and the unicorns were supposed to get on and they were playing and not paying attention.... "And that's why you'll never see a unicorn, to this very day." We spent weeks talking her down from that cliff - yes, honey, we'll always get you, we would never leave you behind, we would get the unicorns, we would never leave them behind... We even went so far as to claim that the unicorns learned to swim and turned into narwhals, but she could tell we were reaching.

She still loves the song, but damn if it doesn't make me cry.

March 20, 2008 3:13 PM
 

GirlsGoneChild said:

Aw.... That song sounds just AWFUL SAD. Good call with the Narwhals thing though. Nice work.  

March 20, 2008 8:42 PM
 

chyna823 said:

For the last year, my 4-year-old daughter's absolute favorite song has been "Because of You" by Kelly Clarkson--a song in which a young woman blames her f-ed up adult relationships on her parents. Fan-freakin'-tastic.

What's funny is that the first time she heard it on the car radio, she started to cry. I asked her what was wrong and she said, "This song is sad." So I started to change the station and she said, "No! It's sad but I like it anyway."

I gotta get this kid into a music class.

March 22, 2008 3:28 PM
 

jjlibra said:

My 4 yr. old loves sad songs too!!! there is a song at the end of the movie Eragon that is a real tear-jerker and she won't stop watching until it's done! and the song at the end of The Land Before Time- boo hoo- she said "mommy i was almost gonna cry" and then smiled.

and while we are on the topic of sad and or inappropriate themes for kids movies...the other day at work we were discussing The Lion King. think about all the people who had to approve the story line about someone who kills his brother, blames his nephew for the murder and eventually tries to kill his nephew too. and to make it even more scary they get James Earl Jones and Jeremy Irons to do the voices!! oh yeah, that plot and casting has kiddy movie written all over it- wtf???

March 22, 2008 11:23 PM

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rebecca woolf

Rebecca Woolf in LA

Who says becoming a mom means succumbing to laser tattoo removal and moving to the suburbs? This young writer and mother of one gives it to you Straight From the Bottle.

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