Remember that one time, or maybe, if you’re like me, it was many times, when you accidentally called your third-grade teacher “mom”? I can recall the very first time I did this. I was in fourth grade and mortified, especially because my teacher was a man. He was a man who wore a fanny-pack, if you must know. He was also the North American Cupstacking champion. So anyway, I called my fourth-grade Cupstacking-champ, fanny-pack wearing teacher “mom” and everyone laughed.
I went on to call every single one of my teachers “mom” until I graduated from High School, and had I not dropped out of college on my first day, I would have likely called my professors “mom” too. But I digress, I don’t have this problem anymore. I don’t confuse authority with my mother. I do call Archer by one of the dog’s names, sometimes, and vice-versa. But whatever. Archer doesn’t seem to mind.
I’m the one who minds. I mind that Archer has decided it’s cool and kosher to call Hal and me “teacher” and not on accident. On purpose.
He seems to think all adults are “teacher” and since Hal and I are (kinda sorta) adults, we get to answer to “teacher” as well. Lucky us. Or not. Being called “teacher” sucks. It was kind of funny for like two minutes, but now it’s just annoying. And a little bit creepy.
Archer, not surprisingly, woke up this morning screaming, “Teacher! Teacher! Ahhhhhh! Teacher, up! Hal and I argued over which “teacher” he was referring to before I vollunteered to act as early-morning martyr*.
“I’M NOT YOUR TEACHER! I’M YOUR MOMMY! MOOOOMMMMMMMY! OKAY? MOMMY! I
WILL NOT TAKE YOU OUT OF BED UNTIL YOU START CALLING ME BY MY NAME! AH!”
Of course, Hal is used to being called “Hal” but even so, he’s been just as annoyed as I by this whole “teacher” thing.
“ARCHER! I’M NOT YOUR TEACHER! I’M YOUR HAL! OKAY? YOUR HAAAAAALLLL.”
I’m trying to understand what the hell happened. Is Archer just trying to spite us on purpose or did he misunderstand his real-life teacher and now think “teacher” is the “aloha” of grown-ups. You’re a teacher. I’m a teacher. We’re all teachers. Which is kind of true if you think about it, but come on, son. Why can’t you just call us “mommy” and “daddy?” Is that such a crazy request?
I can only hope that one day Archer, like me, ends up calling all of his teachers, “mom.” Just, you know, to achieve some kind of balance. Or it would be awesome to just drop the whole “teacher” thing and go back to the way it was. When life was simple and I got to answer to “mommy.”
*Oooo! Good band name!