Straight From the Bottle

Hey, you don't know me but I found your blogs through another site and am a big fan.  I'm expecting my first baby in August and am grateful to find mothers, in real life and online, who are not of the gushy, frou-frou variety but more of the "I think what this playdate needs is a bottle of merlot," variety.

At any rate, two such moments off the top of my head, both moon-related, go-figure:

* In college, a guy I had been flirting with snuck into my dorm room and gently woke me in the middle of the night.  He had just gotten in from a weekend at home and his dad had lent him a bad ass convertible for the rest of the term.  He asked me if I wanted to go for a ride.  So in the middle of the night, in my pajamas, springtime in New England, we drove around the mountains under the moonlight.

* I used to live in Miami, and my now-husband proposed under a full moon on the beach.  Later that night, we lay together in bed and the moon filled up the window and its light was so bright it lit up the room.  I felt like the moon was watching over us.  It reminded me of Moonstruck:  

"La bella luna! The moon brings the woman to the man, capice?"

"One time I woke up in the middle of the night cause this bright light was in my face. Like a flashlight. I couldn't think what it was. I looked out the window, and it was the moon! Big as a house! I never seen the moon so big before or since. I was almost scared, like it was gonna crush the house. And I looked down, and standing there in the street was Cosmo, looking up at the windows. This is the funny part. I got mad at you, Cosmo! I thought you brought this big moon over to my house cause you were so in love and woke me up with it."

I love that picture of your boys, both looking up and so totally consumed by the moment.

I have a young daughter (17 months) who has finally gotten pretty good at entertaining herself for short periods, walking around from room to room and doing whatever it is that she does.  When she first started doing that, there was one weekend afternoon when my husband was in the kitchen trying out a new challah recipe that he was really excited about, I was sitting in the living room working on some little project on my laptop, there was good music playing, and our girl Delma was puttering around, stopping to hug our legs every few minutes before moving on to the next thing that caught her eye.  

I stopped and took it all in and realized what a beautiful little moment we were having, where we were each happily engrossed in our own thing but also so close together, and Delma wasn't being a pain in the ass at all.  It made me cry, it was so simple and thoroughly pleasant.  It made me realize for the first time since Delma was born that there really would be moments of calm in the storm that our life has become, and that we really do have a happy home.

In college my boyfriend lived in VT and me in MA. One Sunday night I left his dorm room late for the drive home. I was winding my way through the mountains and took a turn and almost stopped in the middle of the road. The moon was so big it was completely covering the sky above the valley. It was absolutely amazing.

A few years later after losing my mother to a sudden illness I hopped on an Amtrak across the country. Somewhere in North Dakota at sunset I was sitting in the observation car watching the landscape go by. All of a sudden there was a flat ridge and right on top, in front of the orange, red and yellow setting sun was a horse. All I could see was the silhouette. I thought it was fake until it moved. That picture stays in my mind all the time. At the time I thought it was my mom looking down on me. Maybe I still do.

A sunny Sunday afternoon with the perfect cool breeze and we were all outside in the backyard.  My sons and I were swinging.  I had my 10 mo son, Carsen on my lap as I swang and my 3yr old son, Tucker in the other swing.  My husband was sitting at the top of the slide and we were just being a family.  We talked about nothing.  We were just living.

This is life. This is MY little family.  It was the dream coming to fruition.  Peace serenity... it was everything in that one moment.

Would you believe that yesterday, after I read this post, we actually saw a rainbow?  My daughter (almost 5) and I were frankly BOTH being bossy and cranky, which never works, and after we left the bakery that SHE insisted on to go to the store that I needed to go to, she remarked that the sun was coming out but it was still rainy, so maybe we'll see a rainbow! (Which she never had.)  And I looked up, and whaddya know, there it was.  I've never seen her so excited.  (And you know what?  The rainbow ends at Whole Foods.)

My now husband and I hysterically laughing in a bright red phone booth in a little allyway in Inverness, Scotland, trying to get connections to America to tell our relatives that we had gotten engaged.  I could not dial that phone to save my life...and then the connection was terrible.  Makes me smile everytime I think of it, just one more milestone in my life with him.

Lovely, just lovely.

A recent moment: I came in the door tonight and saw my man standing in the kitchen, holding our boy in his baggy yellow footed suit, sitting up in his arms, and, as I walked in the door, the same smile flashed on their faces.  

An older one: Driving slowly around Nebraska in the middle of the night with my best friend, after we'd bought up tons of junk at a 7-11 with only pennies, lost on a rural road and suddenly coming upon the glassy eyes of a field full of cows, their eyes reflected back at us by the car's headlights.  We couldn't stop laughing, we were 17, it  was a chilly summer night, and I couldn't have loved being lost more.

These moments come a lot for me while skiing or running, just that beautiful zen feeling, especially when it's cold and there's that perfect stillness of an evening snowfall.

That whole last "rainbows fade" sentence is possibly the most beautiful image I've ever encountered in the blogosphere, Rebecca.  Wow.  Brilliant.

I've been having "rainbow" moments often lately, but like you said, they fade so quickly.  My son is eleven months so wonderful things happen almost daily, and all of the "it" fills in the rest.  My most favorite moment:

My husband walked through the door around six in the evening, late from work, and I was sitting on the floor with the baby.  I was so tired and ready to just throw the kid and run.  When my husband opened the door, my son looked up, waved, and said, "hi."  My husband dropped all the mail and groceries and picked up the baby for a big hug.  My eyes filled with tears.  After about fifteen minutes, I remembered why I was ready to run to bed for the evening...but those moments are so precious!

In my life -the "rainbow" moments are known as bubbles and fireflies - still fleeting, but still beautiful.  The most recent was my sleeping, sick, snoring son snuggled up next to my sleeping, not-sick snoring hubby - while not-sleeping, sick and most definitely not-snoring me looked on - the body was miserable, but the heart was content, and all was (almost) right in my world.

When my ex and I were still together and visiting his parents, his mother made us sleep in separate rooms. He snuck into my room around 4am looking quite distraught and said he couldn't sleep without me and asked me to come sit outside and watch the fireflies with him. We sat out there watching the little guys for hours. I suppose it doesn't sound as great as I think it is, because I can visualize it, but it was a really "rainbow" moment for me :)

I have 3 moments.  One from each kid.

Matt is our oldest, he is 18 now.  When he was in third grade we took him to Disney World for his 9th birthday. (the trip was courtesy of his grandpa)  Matt is autistic and didn't talk much until he was about 10ish.  What little he did say usually didn't make a lot of sense and was totally out of context.  Anywhooo, DW screwed something up and they ended up making it up for us by giving us a half hour in a VIP room to meet with Snow White and all 7 dwarfs.  I thought he was going to be totally overwhelmed, but seeing them did something to him.  He freaking spoke--full sentences.  And dammit, they made sense!!!!  He asked Snow White all sorts of stuff, like when her birthday was, and if her mom made her dress.  I know not normal questions---but he made eye contact with her.  And each dwarf got a question too.  It was heaven.   I still have a great picture of him getting the kiss on the forehead.  It was magical.  I got to see a bit of my boy I had never seen that day.  I'll never forget it.

The second moment took place when our middle boy was 2 months old.  We had went through the hell of infertility and miscarrying his twin.  I have a picture close up of my husband holding Nate up for the camera.  And there is one lone tear running down Paul's cheek.  

Quinn is our baby, and he spent a couple of weeks in the NICU.  We weren't sure if he'd come home with us or not.  He crashed twice during his stay there.  I was terrified because no one was willing to tell me he was going to be ok.  I would try to sleep but couldn't.  When I did finally fall asleep, I'd wake up within an hour screaming and crying so hard, I couldn't breathe.  When Quinn was 10 days old, I was sitting next to his bed and the dr came over and looked at me and said, "He'll be off the vent this afternoon.  He's going to be ok"  

Those are my rainbows.  

Just wondering, do you scrapbook???  All of your pictures are so beautiful and you have so many of them.  

my husband and daughter came to meet me for coffee during my work day one day last week and we were walking towards each other from different directions. my daughter caught sight of me from half way down the block and came running (she's 20 months and has just started running with real skill and confidence) screaming "muuuuuuuuummmmmmmmyyyyyy" and jumped into my arms and hugged and kissed me. I looked at my husband and said "that was just the best thing that has EVER happended to me" and it truly was. I have seen and done many wonderful things in my life, yet without question, this moment was IT for me, and I never would have understood that before I became a mom!

Mine was the first time my son kissed me, sobbery but heavenly, and it was my first mother's day.

I had extreme pain for 2.5 months breastfeeding my son.  I remember the first time it didn't hurt.  When I felt the overwhelming joy and bond people always told me I would.  It was like everything finally clicked and I got to have the experience I had dreamed of having.  

So lovely to read all these! I can think of many, but one of the most recent was when I came home from my little jaunt to NY this past weekend, and my father-in-law came to the door with Elsa in his arms and she looked at me rather blankly for a second, then smiled shyly and started clicking her tongue -- a new trick we'd been working on just before I left. So while she didn't necessarily know I was "mommy" she knew I was the tongue clicking lady. And there was something very sweet and magical about that -- like we had our own secret handshake.