OK, let me preface this by saying that I am not really a fan of babies.  I have a 2 yo and a 4 yo and love them to death and love being their mom.  However, the baby stage is hard.  Lack of sleep, total dependence, etc...  I say, go for #2 now and get it over with.  I hope this doesn't come accross wrong...

It's hard to know what the right answer is to this. I'm quite a bit older than you (38) and struggling with the same issues. I didn't have my baby until I was 35, and being a mom has been SO much more rewarding than I ever dreamed it could be when I was single. Now, half the time I really want to have another one, and half the time I think I'm too tired to deal with the baby stage again. My husband doesn't want to go through it all again -- he loves the one we've got, but thinks that's enough. So now I'm left with wondering what might have been, had I gotten married earlier, or gotten pregnant right away when we first got married, etc. Because even if we tried for another right now, at this age for all I know I might not even still be able to conceive.

So on balance, I think I might say go for it sooner rather than later. Just my two cents!

That can be the beauty of the unplanned or the "sooner-than-we-planned" pregnancy because are you ever really ready?  At 20? 30? 40? But getting pregnant and having that kid, will force you to be ready - or at least fake like you are.  I just found out I've got #2 on the way which means my kids will be 18 months apart - a fact that gives me a near panic attack a few times a week.  I would have planned to have them more like two years apart, but then I think about all the friends and family who struggle to get pregnant at all...and feel blessed that I was able to have #1 and (hopefully) #2.

What that shelved baby number 3 for us:

Damn, I dont want to be an old mom.  I dont want to have to go through all the testing.  I am tired, now, how tired will I be in another 2-3 yrs?

Damn, hubby is even older than me.  Dude, will he make it to see his kids grow up?  (I will say he is only 43 yrs old, but has really decided he is headed for death tomorrow.  Just man drama.)

Will this baby expect all the things that the other 2 have. like, private school, new toys, new clothes, food, diapers, etc?  We could do it, because people always remind me that others do it with more kids and on much less money than us.  The bigger question is it selfish to say no to more kids, because we want things and to go places and to do things?  

After much soul searching, I have put my idea of baby number three on a shelf in my mind.  There he will stay.  I will visit him and remember all the fun and great things that come with a baby.  Then I will stop and enjoy what I have with the 2 I got.

One last thing, my kids seem to get crazier than the next, so I am kinda thinking that the next one would be Damon.  I dont think the world needs that.  

Good luck in whatever you decide.

like you motherhood NEVER would have happened unless i f'd up along the way..and i am massivey grateful for something i never knew i wanted...gus made my life a billion million zillion times better however i am stopping at him. i lack that desire to have more but if i did i don't know if i could plan it...it seems a totally obscene concept, haha and there will always be something. if i ever do though i would wait till the kid is in school and i have gotten some of my shit together that i coudln't due to a little wonderful oops but than shit can always happen...go with your gut dude!

Is there ever a perfect and rational time to have a baby? I say, stop taking your pill and let your body take it from there.

(Of course, you better not get knocked up before we meet for drinks.)

This is so timely for me.  My husband and I have been talking about when to have a baby (we just got married in November, we're both 29) and over the past few months it sent me into such an emotional whirlwind that this past weekend we decided finally to table the discussion until I can clear my head.

I really want to have a baby, very badly, but I'm in a really unstable place in my career right now and I want to find a happier place there, it's important to me.  I just felt like I couldn't do that with a sort of "We're going to start trying in the fall so I'd better be settled" deadline hanging over my head.

My husband is totally cool with all of it, going so far as to say that I should take care of myself and if I decide that I'm not ever ready to have a baby then that's okay, or if I get to be to an age where I don't want to put my body through it then that's okay and we can consider adoption or nothing at all.

Just knowing that I don't have to 'plan' for it anymore has been SUCH a relief.  And now I'm in a place where if an accident does happen then I know it'll be a happy one, but at least I don't have to sit around wondering when the ideal time to start trying will be.  Maybe there isn't really an ideal time at all!

My husband has some relatives that knew they wanted their second but they couldn't decide when to start "trying".  Things kept coming up, there was never a good time and life looked a little scary for them in the months ahead.

So they just decided to not prevent but not try.  She stopped taking her pill and less than a year later, they were announcing their news.

All that other stuff worked itself out in the long run.  It had to.  They had no choice but to roll with the punches.  Now, they have a healthy, feisty little girl just over a year old and those obstacles they thought were so huge then turned out to be made of cardboard.  

I'm not saying the same philosohpy will or won't work for you, and I wouldn't presume to tell you what you should do anyway, but it was probably the least pressured I've ever seen any couple who were hoping they'd have their second baby.  Seemed pretty easy going to me.

We just had Baby #2. My daughter's 10, and she wasn't the only one who wasn't getting any younger. I'm also a teacher, and prior to getting pregnant, I was obsessed with the idea of having a baby at the "perfect" time--a week after school ended.

Life never works like that. As John Lennon said, life is what happens when you're busy making other plans. It wasn't until I really listened to my incredibly rational husband saying, "There will never BE a perfect time," that I just decided to go with things. We wanted a baby. We stopped using birth control. Not quite one year later, I was pregnant.

I think stopping the birth control is the major stepping-off point. Once it feels like the right time to do that, you'll likely be able to take it as it comes.

Good luck!

My husband and I kept using excuses as to why we were not ready yet (we have to pay off all of our bills, get a new car, save money, etc...)  In January we finally decided no time would be perfect and we should just stop trying NOT to have a baby.  We also figured with our lack of sex life (sorry if tmi) it may take a while even if we were really trying.  

So much for that theory.  I got pregnant the next time I ovulated.  We are still in shock even though I am 13 weeks today and tired as hell.  

Now that I am pregnant I can't believe we waited so long.  It feels so good even if I am tired, cranky, and nauseas.

Number one was totally planned.  Six months after he was born, SURPRISE!  I had very conflicting feelings about pregnancy number two, but she is 5 months old now, he is 20 months old, and we are all doing great.  I love her so much and I still feel a little sad that I wasn't sure I wanted to meet her in the beginning.  

I would love to know for certain if we should have another.  My heart says I want more, I love babies, and the idea of my baby girl being the last makes me so sad.

But do i really want to go through another difficult pregnancy?  Can we afford it?  Who knows...I think this is a question a lot of parents go through.

BTW, number one was totally planned.  Number two was a surprise.

I would love to know for certain if we should have another.  My heart says I want more, I love babies, and the idea of my baby girl being the last makes me so sad.

But do i really want to go through another difficult pregnancy?  Can we afford it?  Who knows...I think this is a question a lot of parents go through.

BTW, number one was totally planned.  Number two was a surprise.

My husband and I were married in November and I got pregnant on the honeymoon!  I'm now about 7 months pregant and I wonder everyday if we are ready to have a baby!  We decided before we got married that we would be open to having children (we both come from big families and love the idea of having a large litter of our own).  The baby definitely came sooner than we expected (although we weren't doing anything to prevent it).  In fact, when we found out that we were pregnant, we weren't thrilled or disappointed.  We just thought...hmmm, what do we do now?  Now that the baby's birth is a little more immenent, we have visited some of the emotions expressed by some you all.  Mostly, it's been wonderful knowing that having this baby wasn't our plan...maybe it was the baby's plan.  I sometimes think that in a world where everything is scheduled, it's refreshing to know that somethings may not be completely in our hands...

Having a baby (unplanned) at 23 was the best thing that could have happened to me.  I am indecisive to a fault, so my God, if I was left to make the 'decision' to get pregnant, I would have driven myself crazy!  Our first is 3 1/2 and he's desperate for a sibling, so we're gradually getting ready for another baby.  

With my son, there were no expectaions, I mostly spent the 9 months thinking 'how the hell are we going to manage this??'  So basically, anything more than surviving was considered a success.  But next time, it's going to be planned and that scares the shit out of me.  There will be EXPECTATIONS, and I think that's what makes the difference, at least for me.

Everytime I read your posts, it makes me feel like you just posted exactly what I was thinking!!  My son will be 2 in July and he was unplanned.  Ignorance sure was bliss.  We just made do.  There was no, I have to do this and we can't because we just built a house and don't have the money for me to stay at home.  We just did it.  We are going to start trying at the end of June for #2.  I am terrified!  I gained 70 lbs with the pregnancy and looked like a swollen whale.  I swore I would never be big and pregnant, and post partum in the summer again.  I also swore to myself that I would be back to my pre-baby weight before I got pregnant again.  Well, I have about 6 weeks to lose 10 more lbs.  I'm also a teacher so I have to plan a baby around the school year.  WIth my first, I had no choice, had no clue what it would be like, had no idea that I would have rather have lived in a trailer than go back to work and leave my baby and I did get to stay home until he was 13 months.  I know how hard it is with one baby and I just can't imagine how hard it will be with 2.  I almost just wish it would happen on accident so that it would be God's will, not my own.  Anyway, I totally agree with everything you are saying.  I would love to have 3 babies, just not 3 pregnancies.  My husband and I are having the exact same conversations as y'all are.  I see where you will be coming to Memphis soon.  I live in middle Tennesee.  I have been reading about a precious baby who is at St. Jude.  He is 5 months old and has leukemia.  His website is www.ethanpowell.com.  The parents are desparately asking for people to have their bone marrow tested.  Just thought I would share that as well.  I can tell you have such a beautiful, caring heart and prayers for this little baby would be wonderful.  I know your sites reach alot of people.  I have posted this before, but it is amazing how two seemingly different people can be so much alike.  Different politics, different religion, different regions of the country, etc., but motherhood brings us together.  Your words about Archer are truly beautiful and exactly what I think of my little boy, (I just don't have the gift for writing).

Well, congrats to you on wanting a second baby. Like 96 per cent of everyone else, mine too was unplanned. I was the fun, carefree, single girl before Avery came along. But, like you He couldn't have come at a better time. I think the irrationality and irresponsibility of the whole thing really makes you grow up and become more responsible. How ironic.

Sunning myself on the deck of the EXACT SAME BOAT. Except, you know, I don't have a book tour coming up.

I am with you!  I was married one weekend and 3 weeks later + pregnancy test.  If we waited till we planned to "try" to get pregnant we might not have our beautiful boy.  We talk about planning the next, but I think I go with being irresposible again!

re: the first comment...

i am the opposite- i LOVE babies but once they hit like 4 yrs old i just want to give them away. Perhaps we should work out some sort of deal where i keep 'em while they are little and you can have 'em after- sound good?

We totally planned both of our pregnancies, mainly because we waited so long for "the right time" that I became "of advanced maternal age."  I finally realized that if I kept waiting for the perfect time, I might never have kids.  We decided we better go for it and fast.  Although I have to admit that I became a little obsessive about the whole process.  I didn't want to be hugely pregnant in summer, there were certain months I didn't want to give birth, etc., etc.  And yes, I know I'm crazy.  Now, I'm pregnant with a second baby due on my first daughter's 2nd birthday.  How's that for precision planning?  I guess we're consistent.

It doesn't matter if you plan them or not. We moms are amazing creatures who find our way no matter what.

I was one of the crazy 4% who planned on getting pregnant. I had my first 13 months after getting married. I was only 22 and I thought having made this decision with my husband beforehand would mean everything would be perfect.

The laugh was on me, he told me when I was 9 months pregnant that he wanted to leave me for somebody else. My perfect match, the only man I had ever loved and who would always be there by my side, wanted nothing to do with me.

Well, long story short, all of my perfect plans turned out to not be so perfect afterall. You can't plan your life ...even when you try.

I really wish I could have an oopsie.  It would be great, but dh and I aren't that lucky.  We have to do the infertility stuff.  And it sucks.  Really. Sucks.  We've talked about having another and we're just not sure.  I was, at one time, about a year and a half ago, I was sure.  Until we went to Disney World.  That was enough for me.  Two toddlers on a plane.   But every once and awhile, I wonder.  Should I go there???

Then again, I'm going on #4 not #2.  I wouldn't think twice if I'd be considering another one if he/she would be my second.  Good luck in whatever choice you are going to make.  And take it from me, there is NEVER going to be a good time.  

I have always wanted kids. I decided to be done by the time I am thirty and have three, spaced 4-5 years apart. I turned 22 a month ago and I'm 17 weeks pregnant tomorrow. Yes, there are things we have to do, sell our Camaro for a family car, we will move at least twice before the baby, and plenty of other things too. But like you said before, there's always something. I don't think you need a bigger car for two kids. You might want to think about it when you get up to three though. :)

I'm one of the "planners", but I've learned that not only is there no such thing as the perfect time for a baby, but that there is so much you just can not plan for no matter how hard you try. At age 25, after 8 months of marriage, we decided to start 'trying', assuming it would take a while. Much to my surprise, I got pregnant about 5 minutes after the pack of pills landed in the garbage can. But at 11 weeks, I miscarried. That was not part of the plan. Then, I got pregnant again about 2 months later...with twins. Also not part of the plan. But my dh and I never freaked out about whether or not we could afford it or handle it. Bottom line was, it was happening, and hiding under a rock catastrophizing and whining about it was not going to do us any good. We're smart, resourceful people. We'd manage.

And manage we did. Our twins are 4 now, and despite our small appartment, our big debt and the general messiness of our life, we are a happy bunch and I would not change a thing.

On Christmas Eve, we got drunk and silly, and decided to roll the dice and see if one night of careless lovin' would result in baby #3. Lo and behold, I got pregnant. And again, miscarried. It's almost like fate was forcing us to really think about it each time - are you really sure you want this? Now I'm 15 weeks pregnant with # 3 again, so I guess the answer is a big ol' 'yes'.