Mommies Who Leash
Several years ago I watched in horror as a respectable looking woman crossed Fairfax with four toddlers all on leashes. It was like something out of a horror film and I gasped, giggled, and then gasped again.
Babies on leashes always seemed so wrong. Soooosososo wrong. It seemed so tacky. So lazy! So… ick! Bleh! Yuck! I was the first person to roll my eyes at Disneyland when I spotted fanny-pack clad mothers, their toddlers on Disney brand leashes. I judged mothers left and right and wondered how they slept at night, knowing they leashed their kids.
“They’re not dogs. They’re babies,” I thought. “Sheesh.”
That was before I was the mother of a wandering Jew two-year-old. Before my shy little boy turned into a brave and disobedient little explorer with a mind all his own and no desire to impress me or entertain my rules.
He may stay close to me in familiar places but in new and dangerous ones, he’s fearless and curious and wants nothing more than to run free. Far, far, away.
On Monday we took a trip to the Los Angeles Animal-Prison Zoo. And not a second after unbuckling Archer from his stroller, he went running toward the crowd, weaving in and out of strangers toward the wooded bank of the cement path. I ran after him, screaming for him to slow down.
“Ahhhh!!! Wait up! Archeeeeeeer…”
I went sprinting after him, and pretty much spent the next two hours, chasing him through the thickets on the outskirts of the paved roads and carrying him kicking and screaming back to our friends.
Tantrums persisted. I spilled my coffee trying to remove Archer from a bush, tripped and fell on my face trying to stop him from running into a habitat construction zone. It was a little slice of hell.
I forced him in his stroller where he kicked and screamed and reached out to passers-by to be rescued and set free.
“Nope. Sorry, dude. You just lost your freedom privileges. You can’t run away like that! You have to stay close.”
We eventually found our friends and headed toward the Zoo exit.
On our way to the parking lot, we passed a woman with two toddlers on leashes. Archer was still squirming in his stroller hysterical. I was on the verge of tears, exhausted and feeling like a total failure.
The woman with the leashes, on the other hand, was smiling away, chatting with her boys who were happily orbiting her, their arms stretched out like airplanes. Happy. They all were happy.
I envied the mother. For being able to have a comfortable afternoon at the Zoo with her kids. It was obvious, she was doing something right. Me on the other hand? I was the “asshole”. I was the “tacky” one.
I’ll never judge a mother who leashes again.
On the contrary, I may even follow her lead and become a mommy who leashes, myself.
***
Hang in there. Archer is just trying to srpead his wings a little. It’s pure hell on the parents but he will get throught this. You on the other hand may need a cocktail!
I was just like you. I hated those leashes. Then I had a child.
I tried the leash when we were at an out door outlet mall. I was so afraid that Amber would run into the parking lot, which was right there, and get squashed. It didnt work for us. She found a new game: let’s see how far out of socket we could pull mom’s arm. I should have given it more time. We resorted to telling her the 3 rules before we go into the store: 1. Listen 2.Stay with mom and daddy 3. Dont run off. If those rules were not followed then in the stroller she would go. She soon learned that it didnt matter how loud she screamed or how hard she kicked, she would stay into the stroller until she calmed down and could stay with us. It worked for us. I am not opposed to using a leash again, if my son proves to be a runner and dasher.
Since having my second child, I do my best not to judge other mothers. You never know what you will do to either keep your kids safe and/or your sanity. I have, also, learned to give the mental middle finger to those who dont like my kid throwing a fit or my disciplining. You dont likey, you can go bye-bye.
Hope you find the solution you are looking for.
okay, first, wandering jew almost had me peeing in my pants! second, i too used to judge. when i was 19 and had my daughter who was the most well behaved infant/toddler in the universe. She never used a pacifier, never cried, had tons of personality and was potty trained at 18 mos. old (for real.) and i never needed a leash. because like you said, she was a child, not a dog (so there!) It was all because I was a fabulous mother, of course. two years later, i had my son. i am now taking this opportunity to publicly apologize to all the mothers that i ever rolled my eyes at. i’m soooo sorry. i now know what it feels like to have to leave a restaurant because my child is screaming, to have people shake their heads at me because he is throwing a tantrum on line at the grocery store and to panic because he is running way ahead of me toward the street. leashes=good. judgemental moms=bad. we are all in this together.
A to the MEN!
Well… I kinda do and kinda don’t leash… I found the cutest little backpack at Wal-Mart (don’t know if you have one of those out where you are at)… but it was a monkey and had a chest clasp to hold the pack on. The backpack also came with a tail that was long enough and had a handle… a leash that didn’t look soooo bad like the traditional kiddie leash. My son took to this because the monkey was fun, held toys, and was stuffed… so after removing the tail… was a nice companion. All in all… I had my sanity. Yea!!!
I have seen the mommies with the leashes.
When i was younger… my mom was the one that snubbed her nose at the other mommy with the leashes.
My son isnt walking yet, but i hate to be the one to tell his grandma (my mom) that i am not opposed to using a leash.
i think its a great idea, your child gets to feel like a “big boy” which is what he wants and you get to still have control, which is what you want. You both get to be happy. AND the mommies that hate the leashes get to be happy by making fun of you. Everyone wins! YAY leashes.
What is the saying?
Dont judge til you walk in the leash mommies shoes.
Right?
I really was anti-leash before I became a mom of a toddler. A toddler who loves to run. Specifically, run away from me. She becomes a screaming surfboard when I try to get her in the stroller and people stare at us because they are trying to figure out what I’m doing to her to make her scream like that (sounds familiar, eh?). I saw a woman in the grocery store the other day who had her tot on a leash, which was attached to a plush monkey backpack – I smiled at her and she looked relieved (I told her I was damn jealous and I want one of those things). We had a good laugh and I’m one glad mommy to eat my own pre-toddler words.
I, too, was one of the eye-rolling, higher than thou types when I saw other parents with leashes.
And even though I haven’t gotten one to use (yet), I’m not opposed to the idea anymore.
What if you CAN’T chase after your toddler or fight a writhing toddler back into their stroller? (like if said parent is pregnant, for example?) Then would society be more accepting?
Just a thought.
I can’t imagine that putting a child on a leash would be good for their development.
Doesn’t that just show your child that you don’t trust them?
It’s bad enough when overprotective parents put their children on metaphorical leashes. It’s even worse when they use actual leashes.
Aren’t you afraid of what will happen when you’re kid gets too old for a leash?
If nothing else, aren’t you afraid that your kid will one day remember that their mommy put them on a leash?
Hell, aren’t you concerned that they’ll grow up all weird with some sort of weird bondage fetish or something?
Classic. Just… classic.
“I was on the verge of tears, exhausted and feeling like a total failure.”
I spent the the entire year between 2YO to 3YO feeling exactly like that.
Yesterday I was talking to my friend whose kid just turned 2, and is right there on the verge of becoming a menace.
I told her that one of the hardest things for me during this terrible-two phase was that from feeling like I was a natural-born-mother, thinking “this motherhood shit is easy, what’s the big deal?” to being an emotionally-exhausted guilt-ridden wreck who’s unable to pass a day without losing it in front of her child.
Hang in there… it does get better.
I used to judge it too.
Then I had a friend who used one say to me, “Why is it okay to cram a screaming child into a stroller, and strap him in so he can’t get out, and can’t even move really, but it is not okay to buckle a leash onto a child that allows him to both explore his environment AND stay safe?” hmmm. Made sense to me. One more judgment wiped off the books.
But, even as non-judgmental as I am (or claim to be) now- I still wish I had a camera with me the day I saw a woman carrying a dog in a baby sling and walking her toddler with a leash. It was just too much for me take in without dying laughing on the inside a little.
And isn’t funny how comments like this are always posed by people with names like anonymous commenter:
“I can’t imagine that putting a child on a leash would be good for their development.
Doesn’t that just show your child that you don’t trust them?
It’s bad enough when overprotective parents put their children on metaphorical leashes. It’s even worse when they use actual leashes.
Aren’t you afraid of what will happen when you’re kid gets too old for a leash?
If nothing else, aren’t you afraid that your kid will one day remember that their mommy put them on a leash?
Hell, aren’t you concerned that they’ll grow up all weird with some sort of weird bondage fetish or something?”
Hi GGC! I, too, thought that leashing was awful…until I had a little guy myself. Jack is almost exactly the same age as Archer and seems to have the same “I’m FREEEEEE” attitude when released from his stroller.
A few weeks ago I was at Target and saw the Eddie Bauer® 2-in-1 Harness Buddy backpack that another gal mentioned. Super cute, and not as “leash-y” as the strap around the wrist. For only $9.99, it’s worth a try!
Well, of course, I’m now a “harness” mom, and although I still get a few wierd looks, which make me feel terrible, it’s all made up 10-fold when I have another mom ask me where I got it and tell me it’s great that I’m not trying cage him into his stroller!
I’m right there with you. In my pre-mom days, I always thought the kid-leashes were gross. Now, with a 2 and a half year old…I’m not so sure.
Luckily my Peanut tends to stick close when we’re out in public, but I suppose that could change at any minute. I think you’ve got to be open to new solutions. I agree with the other posters who say there’s nothing like having your own kid to make you re-think the things you used to judge other mothers for.
I leashed with the firstborn, and let me tell you a story:
I was in the mall, leashed future-bondage-adherent in tow, when a woman in her fifties approached me with pursed lips and furrowed brow. She proceeded to give me a long list of reasons why what I was doing was terrible, I was a mean person, my kid was going to suffer, blah-blah-judgy-judgy-blah…
When she paused for breath, I said, “Yes, but my kid isn’t going to end up abducted and dead in a ditch somewhere, either, is she?”
Which shut her up long enough for me to get away.
Do what you have to do to feel safe and comfortable with your boy. Full stop, the end.
Yeah, what am I thinking? Leashes are a great idea. You know, sometimes you want to take your kid out in public without having to teach them how to act when they’re out in public.
But what about when you’re at home? It can be hard to leash your children at home. Why not just put them in cages? That could even double as a potty training method – you know what they say, a kid won’t poop where they sleep.
Also, some fashionable mommies are eschewing the whole stroller thing altogether in favor of one of those pretty Prada bags that you can take your baby around in. Tres chic!
And once your kid gets older, don’t forget to have them spayed or neutered. It cuts down on the number of unwanted children. Plus, the males tend to get all territorial if you don’t neuter them.
Tee hee! We kill ourselves wondering when our kids are going to walk, then we kill ourselves trying to stop our kids from walking… Someone up there is laughing their A$$ off at us.
I’d like to open with – I heart that our names are the same!!!
And secondly, I – like so many before me – shook my head at the “leash using moms”…
And then I developed a deep love for our New England Fairs. In my state alone there are at least 25 per season, not to mention the Big E which is like fair heaven!! While you can find lots of neat things at a fair, you will NOT find a fair with nice smooth turf for strollers. Enter the wrist to wrist leash. We can walk, browse, not touch breakable items, ride the pony’s and enjoy the day to the fullest!!!
My apologies to all those I shook my head at.
Lastly, to the “bold” anonymous commentor…..The biggest travesty of our society is that we cannot find a way to exist without judging others, not that some of us moms use a leash to keep our kids safe without squashing their independence.
Ok, so some of you are making a big deal about the fact that I posted as ‘Anonymous Commenter’ and didn’t use my name. I don’t see what the big deal is since none of you know me personally anyway, but whatever.
My point is this – if people look at you weird when you leash your kid, it’s because you *are* weird. Kids are not dogs, and don’t belong on leashes. You should teach your kids how to act in public. If they’re too big for a stroller, then that should tell you something, and that something is not, “my kid belongs on a leash.’
I’m not saying that your a bad parent if you leash your child, I’m just saying that its weird, and that there’s a reason people are looking at you funny.
And you want to call me judgmental? Fine. I am judgmental when it comes to some things.
I have what are now 8 year old twins and a 10 year old. Back in the days when one of us would take all 3 boys someplace alone, we tried the leash thing, but found it to be too much with all 3. Worked fine for 2, so with the twins alone, we used it all the time. We found that letting them yell and scream in the stroller was particularly effective, once you learn to deal with the childless morons who think you’re the cruelest parent in the world.
My solution, which worked 100% of the time for people who give you “the look” or the “tsk, tsk”?
Hand them the stroller or the leash, and ask very politely, “If you’re such a great person, you show me how to make them obey, and be quiet, and I will be glad to take your advice”. You will see a whole new class of sprinting along with glorious shades of red faces!
Do what you feel comfortable with! These are YOUR children, not anyone elses.
Know Fear…….Have Twins
OldParrothead
It is weird simply because it is somewhat *new* and *different*
gasp! a different way of solving a problem. that is weird.
I suppose there are other more socially acceptable ways to teach your child how to behave in public.
effective options I have seen used by loving caring parents are,
*Strap them unwillingly into a stroller, as has been previously discussed. A sling might work too.
*Stop, look at your toddler who is delightfully exploring his environment and say, “I know it is hard to understand what I am saying, but you need to hold mommy’s hand right now and not run off ahead of me.” and then take their hand as said.
*do that again. and again, and again, until both of your hands are really sweaty and your child starts falling down from the utter exhaustion of it all, and you are too. oh, and the rest of your party is about a block and half ahead of you.
*stay home until they are 4 or 5 because you are too upset by the *weird* looks you are getting in public to effectively discipline your child in the way you see fit.
sigh, oh well Cindy. I guess I’ll stop because- whats the point? You have your opinion and I have mine. It is really okay that you don’t like leashes. I don’t like them either honestly. But then, I have a kid who is pretty light weight and listens fairly well.
I wonder if you read GGC much? Because I think the point is not really so much about leashes as it is not make rash judgments about what is okay or not okay for a mother to do.
That doesn’t imply that in mothering, everything goes and we can never pass judgment about others. I think it is pretty well documented that doing heroine with your kids is pretty bad and causes a lot of long term damage. Leaving babies home alone is pretty comment worthy too. But when it comes to these small things- the things we do just to get through the day- they really don’t have much long term effect anyway. But the scathing judgments tend to stick around.
I am curious to your claim that using a leash or harness on a child will cause fetish issues or other long term damage- worse than being strapped into a stroller anyway (and whose to say fetish issues are ALL bad, I like a little smack on the ass during sex sometimes and I bet you do to! I would rather be into bondage than have stroller induced claustrophobia). Do you have some research to back these claims? Some personal experience? Did you leash your kid and now she hates you as a teen? because if that true- I really want to know. Maybe there is something I haven’t considered.
Well, anyway- here I go again. Why am I even posting this? I think I will go walk down 42nd street with my kid, leash-less and pray that he doesn’t run out ahead of me and get hit by a car. Really! because like I said, I don’t have a leash for my kid either!
I’m not saying that I know for a fact that leashing a kid will make them have issues later in life. However, I think that it could. I would be interested in reading some research on this subject.
My gut feeling is that it isn’t a healthy way for a child to grow up.
You know….in Cindy’s defense….she’s entitled to her own opinion that the leash thing is weird. I don’t think she was mean about it, she didn’t say anyone was a bad parent, she said she thought it was weird and admitted to being judgmental about it.
We’ve had tons of other commenters who admitted to being judgmental of it before experiencing the desire for one themselves, but now just because they happen to have had an epiphany nobody cares to jump on them about being judgmental?
We’re all judgmental, every single one of us, all the time. Some of us here have been judgmental of Cindy because she thinks the leash is weird and that parents who use it are weird. See where I’m going? Where do you draw the line? At what point do you not get sarcastically attacked if you say “That’s weird, I wouldn’t ever do that”?
Also, for the record, I don’t like the idea of leashes for the same reason Cindy lists, in my view leashes simply aren’t for children, I’ve never used one and never say never, but I hope never to cave to the desire. And I’ve had the desire, believe me, when what Shannon described happens, or when what GGC described happens, but I believe it’s weird and I don’t want to do it, so I don’t. Lots of people don’t use them, not because they’re unaware of them but because they absolutely disagree with them and yes, think they’re weird. When I see another parent using one I think it’s weird. I don’t think they’re a bad parent, I don’t think they’re doing damage to their kids, I just think it’s weird.
to address the “will the kid grow up into some kind of weird-o if i leash him?” question, the answer is no. my mother halter’d and leash’d all of us. we’re all fine. nobody even needed therapy or anything. we all even LIKED the leash, b/c we were free to explore without handholding. when we got old enough to understand the importance of not running off, she stopped with the leash. it’s not that the leash is a substitute for parenting, it’s just that sometimes, like at the zoo, kids should get to run around, and the leash lets them do that without fear of becoming kidnapping victims/lion snacks.
I have a picture of myself on a leash at the LA Zoo — I was about 3 years old, so that makes it (ahem) 1969. Leashes aren’t new and weird — they are traditional, at least in my family.
I think Cindy might just be a flame-thrower.
Leashes ARE weird. That’s what duct tape is for. Kid won’t sit still? Duct tape! Kid running off? Duct tape! Kid won’t shut the hell up at the movies? Oh, yeah – duct tape! Has the kid figured out how to unbuckle the stroller/carseat straps? DUCT TAPE! Is she dating someone you disapprove of? Bust out the duct tape!
Actually, I think the leash idea is GREAT. I like it a lot more than some crazy woman screaming “Ethan, COME BACK HERE!” at the top of her frazzled lungs at the grocery store. I’d like to leash my husband occasionally, too. Dude walks WAY too fast.
Re: Duct tape. Have been thinking it might be good for holding pacifiers in place.
well, i too have always been of the “oh-my-god-it’s-a-kid-not-a-dog” mentality. and in fact, on a recent trip to the aquarium on a packed saturday I teased my best friend relentlessly (but good naturedly, we’re close enough to do that without any silly hurt feelings) about having her daughteron that monkey backpack yet still al eash thing. Then, suddelnly both my kids, aged 2 and 4, who were previously very nicely holding my hands nad staying close when they weren’t holding my hands because I had taught them the hard way that if they don’t listen to me and stay close, they get strapped in teh stroller, hard core boot camp sorta training that had, quite nicely, worked… darted in opposite directions into the crowds… i freaked. i lost sight of both of them at teh same time and after having the whole freaking aquarium placed on a lockdown, in a total panic, ended up finding both my kids, individually, safe but in frenzied tears, just a mere 5 minutes later. THE WORST FIVE MINUTES OF MY LIFE. My best friend coudln’t help but later, after the storm had passed, laugh and say “see?” and i had to laugh back, through my own massive tears of joy and fear combined… That isn’t to say that I’m willing to leash my kids, but boy, i’m definitely NOT going to pass judgment on someone who does. Period.
wait, back to the spaying and neutering- you can do that? ’cause i have a 12 year old girl and it sounds like a good idea….
Cindy, you say leashing implies you don’t trust your child…
Well, no. I don’t trust my toddler. I don’t trust her not to fall off a subway platform, or get run over by a car. You trust yours?
There’s nothing wrong with boundaries. A leash is just another way to impose some. By the same token we’re making a corral in the living room with toys. Me having to follow my kid around to keep her safe isn’t productive for either of us.
Here’s another data point about how leashes are not at all new. My mom never used a leash with me (I was a total momma’s girl–the sort that hung onto her pants leg all the time), but my older sister was a runner. When I was born (in 1968), my mom discovered she couldn’t keep up with my three-year-old sister when she sprinted off. She had a harness leash, and by everyone’s account, my sister loved it. It kept her out the stroller, and my mom could even hand my sister the end of the leash herself and she would carry it herself, without running away!
Maybe it’s because my mom used one, but I don’t think it’s strange at all. Just because they remind people of something you use with dogs doesn’t mean they’re not they’re inappropriate with children. We restrain kids all the time for the kids’ safety and the parents’ sanity (cribs, play pens, car seats, strollers, etc.). Why is using a leash any different (used in sensible way, of course)?
i’m so proud of you
Maujer is right on, Cindy. Are you suggesting that a two-year old toddler, just learning to navigate comfortably within their own home, should have no boundaries at a mall, park, zoo, etc…because any restrictions may imply that they are not a trustworthy and valid human being in society? When, if at all, do you start setting boundaries for them?
I’ve only used a leash once in my parenting ventures, and it was when we took an aerial tram to an overlook on a mountain peak. My 18 month old was just at the age where she wanted to explore everything, and wasn’t content in my arms anymore. I got the most vicious look from a woman and her daughter, complete with shaking heads. All that was missing was the lightning from their fingertips. I wondered if they would have preferred witnessing a mother physically restraining her red-faced and screaming-at-the-top-of-her-lungs toddler so that she didn’t walk off the edge of the mountainside? And you think the leash is going to screw a kid up? Or would that have been a much more tolerable sight than a happy and content, navigational toddler getting the chance to wander more than 2 inches away from her caregiver/mother for the first time in her life? That says ‘trust’ to me much more than the other scenario.
It’s so easy to judge others when you’re not in their shoes.
I’ll take my chances with the screwed up kid later on rather than the ‘free’ injured, (or worse), kid right now. Better safe than sorry. It’s cliche for a reason, usually because it’s true.
It takes a big mommy to admit she may have judged too rashly.
And a smaller one to miss the entire point of the column in the first place.
I wonder if we called them something like *love lines* instead of leashes, people would be more receptive. They could be touted as the next step in attatchment parenting. In fact one of the selling points of the Maya Wrap style slings is that they can be used also as a tether.
Both my son’s father and his mother were harnessed as children, and they loved it, They could be out and about in Los Angeles and indpendent- to a safe point. While we never used one with our son, I was not opposed. I would rather get weird looks than let my child wander in to traffic. Thinking of all the times I had to stuff a screaming, wriggling toddler in to a sling (which was already killing my back), I would have loved a harness.
Oh, whatever.
I can see that with you people, “non-judgemental” is the new “politically correct.” Oh no! I can’t voice my opinion (or even form an opinion) on something that someone else is doing, because, OH NO!, that would make me “judemental.”
What a load of horse manure.
Many of you are making it sound like leashing is some sort imperative, and that if we don’t use leashes, our nation’s children will all be playing in heavy traffic or lions’ cages. Well, guess what? Most kids don’t get run over or eaten by lions, and most kids aren’t on leashes. So I guess that pretty much blows your theory out of the water.
It seems like many of you who endorse leashing are among the “safety at all costs” overprotective parents. I don’t even want to imagine what other decisions you make regarding your children.
Finally, I wish to reiterate a point that I made earlier, because it seems like you all ignored it – if your kid is to old for a stroller, then they should learn how to act in public.
They’ve got to learn some time.
I read the perfect comeback one day on a parenting site…when someone says anything about your kid being on a leash, kids aren’t dogs, blah, blah….ask them why dogs are on leashes…to keep them from running, kepp them safe, right??? well, would you value your dog’s life more than you’re childs? I use one of the puppy back pack harnesses on my almost 3 year old-I also have an 18 month old-we have a double stroller, but my 3 year old, obviously, wants to walk. It keeps her safe, she’s happy–and I’m not panicking because I’m scared she’s going to run and get hit by a car, or lost, or kidnapped, or whatever. And she loves the puppy…she even sleeps with him.
you spilled coffee??? shame on you!
just kidding. i totally imagined archer dodging and weaving at the zoo! love it! love it.
hey, they have those really cute bear leashes now. i’ve never broken down to actually buy one but, they look really cool.
i don’t think anyone said you couldn’t form an opinion. i think it has more to do with the fact that you are being judgmental and saying that 2 year olds will be damaged because their parents don’t trust them. you are attacking personal parenting decisions. it’s one thing to say hey, leashes may be good for you but i am not into them and quite another to say that parents who leash aren’t taking the time to teach their kids how to act in public. just in case i missed it… how many kids did you say you had and what are their ages?
Oh jeeze. We should all stop sniping at each other.
GGC, I can almost understand what you mean. I spent Saturday afternoon with my SIL and two neices in NYC and I can say for a fact that keeping up with a two year old is HARD. I don’t know how she does it. Really. She has a two month old and a curious toddler and still manages.
That being said I also understand people not liking leashes. I try not to judge but I have seen mommies not paying attention to the kid on the other end of the leash and rolled my eyes (but again I am one of those ignorant childless people). Using a leash as a gadget to allow you to not pay attention to your kid is not ok.
Either way, I think we should all be a little more supportive and a little less snappy.
Here is to hoping that you find a solution that works for YOU and Archer.
I have to laugh at the “kids are not dogs” comment. Anyone who has had a two-year-old and a dog in the same house quickly realizes that they are on the same emotional/ development level! (And sometimes husbands are right there, too.) They get excited, they’re prone to run off. They like their toys. If given the opportunity, they will eat things that aren’t entirely healthy for them. It’s all about instant gratification and damn the consequences! The big difference as I see it is that dogs tend to listen better than two-year-olds or husbands. I say leashes for all of them!
I wonder if there’d be less passion over the issue if the child versions weren’t called “leashes” but something not connected to pets…
Now don’t jump all over me just because I put Miles in something that looks like a “muzzle” when he fusses, and because Porter sleeps in a “kennel” and they eat “kibble” on the “floor”… hee.
I was leashed as a kid, (in the late 70s), with a sister 20 months older than me and one 11 months younger it was the safest thing my mom could have done short of never leaving the house.
Got us all out and about and I got to learn how to behave in public without falling off a cliff or under a car in order to do so. No harm done at all.
my sisters weren’t leashed, maybe because they weren’t as impulsive, now that we are all grown up I still tend to rush into things without thinking…..
Dude, I just spent seven days at Disneyworld with a wandering and defiant two-year-old.
I fell on my ass in a swanky restaurant trying to control her.
Leashes looked pretty good to me by the end of the week.
Thanks for sharing this. It made me feel less like an ass.
Chiming in with everyone else – I felt the same way – I would *never* leash my child. Yeah, until we took her to the Natural History Museam in DC on Labor Day and she turned that packed place into her own little playground and mom & dad’s worst nightmare.
So we bought the cute little bear backback one, and we integrate that with knowing when she doesn’t want to be out, and taking it off when she wants to hold hands and not run crazy. And everyone who looks at me wrong, I give them the eye right back because they don’t know what we’re going through.
People are way to judgemental of others. Period.
They also have those wrist leashes now that are less, well, harness-like than the chest ones. I don’t know… I have always thought leashes were ridiculous as well but when you think about it, it’s not any more ridiculous than putting a kid who can walk in a stroller. you just do what you gotta do… and that’s the way we get by. (yeah that’s the way we get by, the way we get by…)
I have twins and, while, we have those cute backpacks made by Eddie Bauer from Target (which, by the way, they love so much they ask to wear), they are too young to use them yet. I still put them on them if I’m alone and going outside near busy street on my own.
As for development in the future, puh-leeze. Try too much TV, try fighting parents, try moms who drink too much … plenty of other things to study up on and worry about. Preventing them from getting hit by a car or abducted or just plain lost — priceless. Not weird.
Weird is judging a Mom who is just trying to have a great day with her child.
Cindy– No one said that their kids were too old for strollers. I’m wondering where you read that. GGC’s son is not even two yet. I don’t think anyone is talking about putting their 8yo on a leash.
Wow. i never knew leashes were so controversial. I never thought that people would actually dislike them. I thought they were right up there along with other great inventions like the telephone and electricity.
i felt just like you with my first daughter, now 5, who was a model child. then we were blessed with twin boys, not model children, who are now 2-1/2. i think that says it all. we leash.
I think it all depends on your child.
I wouldn’t say I really *like* or endorse leashes, but my child is not a runner, so I have that luxury. By all means, if you have a child who is easy to keep safely by you, then you probably don’t need one.
But some kids are runners by nature, no matter your attempts to teach them otherwise. My mom leashed my younger sister sometimes because she wanted to run, and that way she could run a bit but be safe and my mother could retain her sanity. If Pumpkinpie were a runner, I would be willing to leash to keep her safer and me able to keep up. I’m not proud.
So while I say I’m not *into* leashes, exactly, I’m not opposed when a parent judges the need for one for their own child. They know that child and his/her inclination to bolt or not, and they will do what they need to to keep their own kid safe. I think it comes down to trusting in people to know their chldren and want the best for them.
And Cindy? I don’t think it’s opposing opinions that are unwelcome, so much as IMPOSING opinions.
Wow… so many opinions!!
My 22-month-old loves running around with her blue harness on. I first discovered baby leashes before I even had a baby, when we went on a family vacation with my sister, her hustand and their 2-year-old, and we got stuck for 8 hours in the Orlando airport.
Jacob thought the leash thing was too much fun: a game.
I must also agree that dogs & toddlers are very similar!!!! Which is not at all a bad thing. After all, why do we keep dogs around if not for their sweet goofy loviness?
Wow… so many opinions!!
My 22-month-old loves running around with her blue harness on. I first discovered baby leashes before I even had a baby, when we went on a family vacation with my sister, her hustand and their 2-year-old, and we got stuck for 8 hours in the Orlando airport.
Jacob thought the leash thing was too much fun: a game.
I must also agree that dogs & toddlers are very similar!!!! Which is not at all a bad thing. After all, why do we keep dogs around if not for their sweet goofy loviness?
I have a busy body 15 month old girl and we got that CUTE little backpack/harness thingy by Eddie Bauer from Target (at a steal for only ten bucks!)
When we go places like the zoo or aquarium, having her sit in the stroller doesn’t really give her a good view of the tanks and animals, so we put the harness thingy on her and she is free to walk and explore. She refuses to hold our hand-and that is fine in some situations. We make hand holding mandatory when crossing streets or are in very busy areas (even whilst she wears her harness).
So let’s not judge one another on the harness usage.
I think GCC was just saying how she changed her judgment of mommies who employ leashes…
YEah.
So have a great weekend.
I think toddler leashes are a great invention.
I didn’t know that having a child on a leash was so controversial until I used one with my 20 month old daughter. I use the cute monkey one, she gets to walk and I get peace of mind. Standing in line at the store, the ones in the mall where the huge exit way goes striahgt into the mall, nightmare..when I don’t have it I don’t stop anywhere or browse or shop…way too much stress…Its just another piece of baby equipment, everything has restraints, strollers, car seats, whats the difference? Should we not have restraints on car seats? Yeah maybe that will send a message that we don’t trust our kids in the car, c’mon its about safety and comfort….I guarantee that anyone who feels so strongly against it doesn’t have kids…I bet my bottom dollar!!
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Here’s some research. My sister and I (who are 13 months apart) were raised on a leash. Not cute little teddy bear ones. They were basically glorified zippers. Until reading this, I didn’t realize I was going to be getting judgemental looks from others when I unleash the leash on my kid. Now since I flip people off regularly on the road, would it be inappropriate to flip people off who give me those dirty looks? (My vulgarity is obviously attributed the fact that my parents never trusted me and I apparently have an undiscovered bondage fetish, aside from other assorted issues). But actually, what might have caused some real issues in life is the fact that my sister got a pink leash and I got a YELLOW one. What was up with that?
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Here’s some research. My sister and I (who are 13 months apart) were raised on a leash. Not cute little teddy bear ones. They were basically glorified zippers. Until reading this, I didn’t realize I was going to be getting judgemental looks from others when I unleash the leash on my kid. Now since I flip people off regularly on the road, would it be inappropriate to flip people off who give me those dirty looks? (My vulgarity is obviously attributed the fact that my parents never trusted me and I apparently have an undiscovered bondage fetish, aside from other assorted issues). But actually, what might have caused some real issues in life is the fact that my sister got a pink leash and I got a YELLOW one. What was up with that?
Um, I don’t have a leash, or even a child.
But like MXR, I and all of my siblings were kept on reins, as we called them, when we little. My mum had four children, what else could she do?
I can say without a doubt that none of us were badly affected by being on reins, in fact we saw it as a mark of growing up, when we graduated from the pram to the reins. The thing is, I don’t think little kids actually analyse these things too much.
“I can’t imagine that putting a child on a leash would be good for their development.”
I was leashed briefly as a toddler and I have ZERO memory of it. Not at all. And I think it WOULD be good for their development, because they can move around more but stay safe.
“Doesn’t that just show your child that you don’t trust them?”
A child small enough to require a leash or some other form of restraint has NO CONCEPT of trust yet. In fact, they depend on parents to take care of all the things they can’t handle yet, like running away.
“It’s bad enough when overprotective parents put their children on metaphorical leashes. It’s even worse when they use actual leashes.”
No, it’s worse when overprotective parents put their children on metaphorical leashes. At least on a leash, the child isn’t strapped into the stroller, which limits motion and view.
“Aren’t you afraid of what will happen when you’re kid gets too old for a leash?”
Not if you’ve trained ‘em right. There are plenty of good places and lots of time to teach hand-holding and behavior out of a stroller (errands, school, walks, etc.), but why pile on more stress at the zoo or fair by doing it there?
“If nothing else, aren’t you afraid that your kid will one day remember that their mommy put them on a leash?”
Nope. I can’t remember it at all, because my mother stopped using it when I got old enough to behave. Unless you keep leashing your kids until they’re in grade school, or make them wear it even when you’re not in crowds or something, I very much doubt it’s going to affect their little psyches.
“Hell, aren’t you concerned that they’ll grow up all weird with some sort of weird bondage fetish or something?”
And what’s wrong with that, assuming it’s even true, which it probably isn’t? *wink*
“My gut feeling is that it isn’t a healthy way for a child to grow up.”
An unhealthy way for a child to grow up is to grow up with a parent who disregards your safety and well-being, or who stifles your motion and imposes so many rules you can’t breathe without worrying about it.
If leashing a child allows him or her to explore a little while keeping the mother’s peace of mind, I think it’s fine provided it isn’t used to the exclusion of teaching proper behavior.
All I have to say is AMEN. To all of you.
Tokyo Rose? Thank you.
And goodnight,
the management.
Seems like there’s a troll on the loose in this section.